- Bored, so bored.
Dare I say, blasé?
- Unhand me, you manless hand.
- Hah, good one Cucumber.
- Excuse me, what did you say to?
- I said, "Good one, Cucumber."
Incidentally, should I continue yelling, or would you rather
use google closed captioning?
Hilarious.
- I do not want you to yell, and I don't want you to read
your crappy captions, and more importantly,
I am not a cucumber, I am a zucchini.
- Really? 'Cause you act just like an apple.
- Nobody calls me Cucumber Apple.
- Dude, I bet nobody calls you at all.
He's so lonely.
- That's it, I'm lawyering up.
(dramatic tone)
- Why? Is there a blizzard coming?
Oh no, where'd I leave my long johns, and my stocking cap,
and my snowmobile?
- [Franklin] Did somebody say lawyer?
- No, although that would make more sense.
- Name's Franklin L. Spud, I am a tater, and a litigator.
- Great, I am Zucchini, rhymes with Houdini,
and that dofus called me a Cucumber, and then an Apple,
and then there was yelling, too.
So, do I have a case?
- And how, only question is, do you wanna sue him,
or do you wanna sue his pants off?
- Pants off, pants off.
- Joke's on you losers, I never wear pants.
- Hey Orange, what's shaking?
- Eh, playing with a potty pickle
and a potato alligator, you?
- Signing for your deliveries.
Know anybody that'd wanna send you a piñata
in the shape of a submarine?
- Maybe, why do you ask? Wow!
- Behold, the sub piñata.
- So majestic, so mysterious, best not to question,
best to smash.
(fighting grunts)
Die sub piñata, die.
Hey, that's not candy, what is that?
- What else would be in a sub piñata, but subpoenas?
- Little apple, there's a storm acoming.
You better go warm up my snowmobile.
- You, what?
- 'Cause it's time for me to layer up.
- Did somebody say layer up?
- That's entirely possible.
- 'Cause I'm a three layer dip, who happens
to be a five star attorney.
- Hmm, sounds too good to be true.
Will you work on retainer?
- You bet your bottom dollar I will.
- Great, (noisy spit).
- Whoa, should've held out for some more bridge work,
and a couple of crowns.
- Hey, this shouldn't be like pulling teeth, dude.
All I want to do is sue, sue, sue.
- Just tell me who to sue, and that's what I'll do.
It's even written right here on my business card.
- Let's start with Mr. Benedict Cumberbunch over there.
- That's not my name.
- Talk to the three layered dip,
'cause the Orange ain't listening.
- We have attorney/condiment priviledge.
- That'll never stand up in a food court of law.
- That's what your momma said, oh snap.
- Oh no you didn't.
- Yesh, everybody's all lawyered up in here except me.
Will no one look out for the little guy?
- Did somebody say small fry?
- Yes, you did, just now.
- Yes, because that's my name, and all I wanna do
is sue, sue, sue.
- Hey, that's my slogan.
- Psh, so sue me.
- I will, I am totally suing you.
- Fine, good thing my cousin is an attorney.
- That's right, prepare to be counter sued,
stay strong cuz, stay strong.
- What, no, you're my lawyer.
You can't be suing other people.
- I can and I will, and if you don't like it,
you can sue me.
- Fine, hey dip, you got time for another case?
- No, try my partner, but I'll warn you,
he's only a two layer dip.
(goofy laughter)
- Forget that, looks like I'm just going to have to
represent myself, pro bolo.
(everyone exclaims)
- With a tie like that, I could win any case.
I'll give you a thousand dollars for that bolo.
- Make it 5 thousand.
- 10 thousand.
- The bolo is not for sale.
However, my legal services are.
- 50 thousand dollars.
- 60 thousand.
- 100 grand.
- [Candy bars] two hundred grand.
- A million dollars.
- Alright, we got a million, that's a million dollars,
one with six zeros, million dollars, do I have two?
- Oh come on, is this the justice system,
or is this just an auction?
- Eh, potato, potahto, it's the same thing really.
- Mainly, it's about the billable hours.
- If only there was some way to cut
through all the red tape.
- Oh, tell me about it.
- That would take a real litigator.
- A really real litigator.
- Did somebody say, "Litigator?"
- Yep, just now, why'd you ask?
(moist munching)
- Wow, I guess all we really needed was a little gator aid.
- You know, I think being a cold blooded reptile is really
what makes him a great lawyer.
- How dare you call me a lawyer, that's it, I'm gonna sue.
(burp)
- Talk about habeas corpus.
(plucky banjo)