- A lot of us get very confused with our mind
and think that we should control our mind
and our mind is sabotaging us,
and actually your mind is often sabotaging you
in three different ways.
And when you can understand what's really going on
between your mind sabotaging you,
then you can stop it.
I've always believed you can't fix
what you don't understand.
And understanding is power.
Many people say, "Oh, you know my mind,"
and "I can't control stuff," and "I'm just out of control,"
and "I can't change, I've always been like this."
And that's not true.
When you can look at what runs you, your wiring,
and make sense of it, you can also overcome it.
So this is one of the most powerful ways
that your mind could sabotage you
before you understand it and change it,
and I've always found that this realization
is life-changing, so here's the number one way
your mind sabotages you:
You are hard-wired and super-coded to run away
from what is unfamiliar and to run back to what is familiar.
What does that mean?
Well it means that 500 years ago, what made you safe,
what guaranteed that you could survive on the planet
was staying with the familiar and avoiding the unfamiliar.
Nobody who lived in a walled city,
or indeed a fort in the Wild West
would go out for a walk late at night,
or go, 'Oh I think I'm going to meet some new people,
'I'm a bit bored.'
What made you safe was same old, same old.
Same food, same people, same environment
and your primitive mind understands this.
'The familiar makes me safe.'
If you've ever seen two year old kids, they'll say,
"I don't like that, it's got lumps in it."
"I don't want that, it's different."
"That's the wrong spoon, the wrong cup, the wrong story."
They only like one doll, one teddy.
They want the same story every night.
They won't eat stuff they don't know or recognize
because their primitive mind at the age of two
says 'if you only eat what you already know, you'll make it.'
And now 25 years pass and we find ourselves liking
the same type of person.
Destructive, a heartbreaker, absent.
We find ourselves going for what's familiar
and nothing makes this more clear than this study.
70% of lottery winners will go bankrupt in three years
if they haven't had a familiar relationship with money.
If they've only ever just made enough to pay the bills
and had nothing left, then they will find it very hard
to invest that money and keep that money.
So how do you get around that?
Well first of all, understand it.
'Okay, I've sat on the couch for so long
'eating potato chips and watching TV,
'I've forgotten that my body is designed to run
'and jump and move.'
'I've had my heart broken so many times
'that I now just expect that.'
'Every job I'm in has never worked out.'
So it is an absolute fact that you are hardwired
and super coded to go back to what you know
and avoid what you don't know.
But here's another fact:
You can make anything you like familiar.
I've seen this the most in such a simple thing.
When people come into my office and I might say,
"Oh, that's a lovely coat."
They go, "Oh, I've had it for seven years,
"it's got a hole in it."
Or "Oh, I heard you were the best salesperson in your team."
"Not really, it was just a stroke of luck."
I've seen this at the lower end and right at the top.
"Oh, I love that movie you made."
"No, it wasn't very good."
"It won an Oscar."
"I know, there were no good nominations that year."
"But your second movie won an Oscar."
"I know, there were even worse nominations that year."
"I hear you've written a bestselling book."
"Oh, that's just a fluke, I don't know how that came about."
And I have to stop them and go,
"Oh, do you see what's happening here?
"I am praising you.
"Not only are you rejecting the praise,
"you're adding in criticism.
"You know why?
"In your life, praise was unfamiliar.
"Guess what was familiar?
"Of course you know, being criticized,
"and now your brain is so keen to run back
"to what it knows that it rejects praise
"and adds in criticism."
I just took in eight cats that were about to be euthanized,
tiny kittens, and I saw with them that I had to hold them
every day and go,
"Okay, we're going to make being stroked familiar.
"We're going to make being held familiar."
And very quickly, they would lie in my arms like babies.
If I hadn't touched them, they would've been feral.
So, and that happens with babies.
If you hold a baby that's never held, they go rigid,
they have attachment disorder.
If you don't have love or praise or money or success,
you start to reject it.
So how do you get round that?
First, where your mind sabotages you, do this.
You go, 'I am making praise familiar,
'I am making success familiar,
'I'm making taking sugar out of my coffee familiar,
'I'm making going to the gym
'or doing some stretches at home
'or really believing in myself familiar.'
Never add, 'if it kills me, 'if it's the last thing I do.'
Just say, 'I'm making it familiar.'
And as you do that, make all the negative stuff unfamiliar.
Being down on yourself, diminishing yourself,
criticizing yourself.
Make praise familiar, criticism unfamiliar.
That, on its own, I promise you,
would change your entire life.
Here is the second way your mind can sabotage you
and it's a biggie.
You know, 500 years ago, we died from rejection.
We lived in a tribe.
If they cast you out, banished you, rejected you,
marooned you, isolated you,
that was a fate worse than death
because it was kind of like death.
In Romeo and Juliet, when they said,
"We are banishing you outside the city walls,"
he said, "Well I'd rather be killed.
"There's nothing out there but purgatory."
So we've come onto the planet with a fear of rejection
because it wasn't that long ago that we died from rejection.
But now we don't die from rejection.
Now safety isn't a numbers game.
We don't need to live in a big tribe to know we belong.
We can live on our own and make it to 102,
but we still feel as if rejection will kill us
and you know how this is real?
Listen to some songs.
"I'll die if you leave me."
"I can't live without you."
"My life is over without you."
"You're the only one for me."
"I can't go on."
"I can't live if living is without you."
Well, none of that's true.
Most people have been in a lovely relationship
and got dumped.
It hurts, and they find someone else.
I've been dumped, I'm sure you've been dumped.
I had my heart broken, I guess you have too.
But then we found someone even better.
So you have to not fear rejection.
People say to me, "You know what?
"I want to be a speaker but I'm terrified of going onstage."
"I want to be an actor but what if I get rejected?"
Well, what if you get rejected?
Who cares?
Look at your life, how much have you been rejected?
That kid at school that rejected you,
the first job that fired you, the person that dumped you,
but you're still here.
Rejection can be the best thing that ever happens to you
if you can bounce back.
And here's the third way that we sabotage ourselves.
We tell ourselves lies and we believe them.
'I can't cope.
'I'm in overwhelm.
'I'm dying under the pressure.
'This stress is killing me.
'This job will be the death of me.
'These kids will be the death of me.
'This is killing me, driving me crazy, making me go insane.'
You see, this is not true.
If you are prepared to lie to yourself on a daily basis,
'I'm a big fat pig.
'I haven't slept for a week.
'I'm exhausted.
'My headache is killing me.'
If you're prepared to lie to yourself, which is okay,
we all do it, at least tell yourself a better lie.
'I'm amazing.
'I have phenomenal coping skills.
'Challenging clients teach me the best.
'I have a super fast metabolic rate.
'I'm magnetically lovable.'
And people say, "That's not true."
Neither is saying, 'Stress is killing me,
'I eat like a pig, I'm an out of control train wreck.'
None of them are true,
but you might as well tell yourself a better lie.
I can only tell you it will change your entire life.
Now you've heard of Stockholm Syndrome
where people attach themselves
to their captives to feel safe.
In Homeland, Brody attached himself to his captors,
and that happens.
We attach ourselves to people
because of our fear of rejection,
a need to stay with what is familiar,
and our ability to respond to the lies we tell ourselves.
And with Coronavirus, we've got this whole thing now
where it's actually become so familiar to be at home
that some people say,
"You know, I don't know how I'm going to cope now.
"I've got used to lounging around, lying on the sofa,
"not pushing myself, not going out,
"and now I'm going out, it's feeling unfamiliar."
So we make what was comfortable, uncomfortable,
what is uncomfortable, comfortable.
So I'm going to give you a free training
that's going to show you how instead of sabotaging yourself,
how you can make your mind your best friend
because you should not work for your mind,
it should work for you.
It should be your most amazing ally, your best PA.
It should be your cheerleader, it should be your servant.
It should be the genie in the bottle
going 'your wish is my command.'
If you want to make that happen, click the link,
join me in my free training and I'm going to show you
how 'I Am Enough' will help you live your best life.
It's free, there's no catches.
You can be extraordinary, phenomenal, awesome and free,
free from sabotage.
Click the link, I'll see you there.
Expect to change, and you know what?
You absolutely will.
Thanks for tuning in, see you soon.