J: Hello, lovely people!
J: Welcome back to the Jessie and Claud Show.
C: Oh, there's a Jessie and Claud Show?
J: I made it into a show. Yeah, I don't know; that was a last-minute decision, but I'm running with it.
J: In today's episode...
J: See, it's a show. I did a thing.
J: We're gonna be answering your 'Would You Rather...?' questions.
[Both] Oo!
J: Which I asked you when I joined Instagram
but told you to make queer-flavoured.
J: So...these should be gay.
C: OK.
J: And we're gonna answer by putting our fingers up for one or two.
J: So no conferring. C: Ohh, OK.
J: Can we manage to not confer? C: No...
J: Probably not. C: No.
C: We'll do the one or two, but then we'll look at each other and be like...
J: Yeah, because we could confer in Sign Language, but down here where no one can see.
J: However, before we begin that, we have a big announcement!
C: Do we?!
J: I told you before we started filming!
J: Today, we are releasing...the limited edition 'Because: gay' merch
C: Oh, yeah!
J: My plan is at the end of every month to release a new merch design,
which will be very limited edition;
running for two or three months depending on popular demand.
C: Exciting. J: It's available in the merch shelf down below,
J: which you may be able to see,
but if you're a country that doesn't support the merch shelf or just today it's randomly not working because
YouTube, the link is in the description down below.
J: It comes in a range of items and colours, and I'm really excited about it
C: Yeah. J: And I'm gonna get a range of things.
C: And I just—and I just realised I am not wearing the appropriate attire.
C: I should be wearing your merch and instead I'm just wearing a YouTube jumper.
J: You said you'd wear my merch! Ooh. C: I know!
C: I'm sorry!
J: Right. Pause! C: Let me just do the magic of editing.
[Both cheering]
C: Ta-da!
J: That was nicely done.
J: [Singing] Let's begin!
J: We had some really, really good questions.
C: The one I remember was—it was like: “Would you rather have three weeks without Walter and Tilly
or three days without each other?”
J: Did ‘Missing Claudia’ make people think that I'm the only one
J: who has issues with us being apart? C: Yeah, I just--I just don't care!
C: I do! I was being sarcastic. J: Such lies.
J: You’re as obsessed with me as I am with you!
J: First question comes from Evelina and Clara!
J: Thanks, guys. C: Oh.
"Would you rather be without the other for a week
or Walter and Tilly for a year?"
J: I don't know that Claudia for a week and the dogs for a year...
J: is a sort of fair compromise. C: That's not--that's not... No.
C: Clearly, it would be like give up me for a week, wouldn’t it?
[Both] Yeah! J: You can just go on a trip.
C: Exactly!
J: We haven't even done the one and two. C: Do you think they're trying to--?
C: Do you think they’re trying to aim that slowly at the fact that they want Walter and Tilly for a year?
C: Well... J: That's what it is!
J: Evelina and Clara are trying to steal our dogs!
C: The three weeks or three days one -
I said I think I'd rather...
C: If you suddenly just disappeared with no explanation and I had no idea when you were coming back,
as was the same with the dogs,
I'd rather the dogs disappeared for three weeks but me not knowing when they were gonna be back,
because at least then I could be like, ‘Where are the dogs, Jessie?!’ with you.
But if you had gone for three days, what am I gonna do? The dogs and me would just go stir-crazy.
J: Yeah, I don't know that kidnapped...
C: I didn't say kidnapped! J: No, no!
J: I've mysteriously gone!
J: I feel like the police would worry a bit more about your wife
than the dogs,
C: Well, exactly. J: and that should give you an indication of how much you should worry.
C: They'd questioned me a lot first, though, wouldn't they?
J: Sure, you'd be a suspect. Is that the aim of this game, though?
“Would you rather have a rainbow-coloured mustache for the rest of your life
or have to eat a dozen snails every time you said LGBTQIA+ wrong or stuttered?"
J: You're gonna have a rainbow-coloured moustache forever?!
C: Actually, I really answered that wrong.
C: I'm sure I could just learn to say it properly.
C: LGB... L, G, B--see?
J: It's unfair as well; you should have an exception. C: I have, like, lexicon...
C: I have SL...whatever it is.
J: SIL C: Yes.
C: So I think I'd rather just have a moustache.
J: Rainbow-coloured, friend. It's rainbow-coloured. C: You could shave it!
C: And it would just be like rainbow... J: Oh, it just grows back rainbow every day?
J: And then you shave... C: Oh, does it?
“Would you rather see each other every day for a few minutes
or see each other once a month for a whole day?”
C: Yes. J: Yaaay!
C: You can keep in touch more.
C: You can catch up with your last...
J: "What happened today? What's happened in the last 24 hours?"
C: Yeah. The last 24 hours. J: "Oh, my gosh. I love you so much."
J: "Bye." C: Have a quickie.
J: ...Yeah!
"Would you rather Kate McKinnon or Ellen Page?"
C: Which one's Kate McKinnon?
J: I feel like that's an answer!
J: She’s the blonde one that looks a bit like Evelina that was in ‘Ghostbusters.’
C: Yeah… Oh, my God, she looks so much like Evelina.
C: That's weird. Can’t date Evelina.
J: Never mind. We can't choose #1, because she looks too much like Evelina.
C: No, no, no. No, it's fine, we have to answer the question.
J: I guess we're both going with Ellen Page.
C: No, I was actually gonna go with... J: You were actually going with Evelina?! OK.
C: No, it's not Evelina!
C: She smiles more.
J: Than Ellen Page? Most people smile more than Ellen Page.
C: I just don’t fancy either of them.
C: Is that all right?
C: Is that why someone asked?
"Would you rather be a Disney Princess or date a Disney Princess?"
C: Yeah, obviously.
C: I do not wanna be a princess.
"Specifically for Jessica:
would you rather never wear dresses again
and be with Claudia
or wear dresses and be with a man?"
J: Ready? One... C: Yeah, what do you prefer - dresses or your wife?
C: Good. J: This is not really a question!
J: It's OK. C: It's like, your identity is more than how you outwardly express yourself.
J: Yeah! It'll be fine. I'll wear flannel.
"Would you rather adopt a baby or use a sperm donor?"
C: I mean, that's a bit harsh as well, because--
J: I want both, though. C: Yeah, I was gonna say, like...
C: It depends on the situation, again.
C: I'm really shit at this game, aren't I? J: Yes.
C: It's very vague. J: We wanna do #2 first and then #1 after.
"Would you rather kiss Belle or Ariel?"
J: Ooh, OK!
C: That's obvious. J: Yeah. She's got an obsession with red-heads.
C: Also, Ariel's, like, way more fun.
J: She is fun.
J: I just feel there would be consent issues.
J: Belle has some issues, yeah.
Fine. Ariel's not all there, though.
C: I don't know if any of the Disney princesses are all there, to be honest.
J: Hey, Mulan's got her head screwed on. C: Well, yeah, that's true.
J: You leave her be. C: Mulan's my favourite.
J: They all talk to animals. None of them are OK!
C: We talk to animals!
J: "Would you rather be in the closet your whole life but be dating
or be out but never meet each other?"
C: Aw, shit!
J: You would rather... C: Oh, sorry!
J: ...be out but never meet me?!
C: I misread the question!
C: I see "dating" as in, like, going on lots of dates with different people.
J: Right. C: I didn't think it meant with each other.
J: I see.
J: Well, the opposite was "be out but never meet ~each other~".
C: Yeah, because obviously you're my soulmate and-- J: Thus implying number one
J: includes me.
J: A lot of people asked this question.
C: If it was, 'would you rather be in the closet with each other...'
C: Like, do our parents not know?
C: Are we just "friends"? Are we just "flatmates"?
J: If we lived in the 1950s,
and had to be THAT in the closet.
J: Yeah, we'd just be two single ladies...
J: Spinsters who lived together.
C: I think people would know we were--weren't...
J: Everyone knew people were gay, Claudia; they just didn't talk about it.
"Would you rather make any character you want in any fictional universe gay,
even if they weren't before,
or make it so any existing gay characters get a happy ending?"
J: Ayy! We made the gays happy.
C: And also, that's a selfish reason, like...
C: It's basically just saying--it's a shallow answer; it's like, 'I really fancy this person, so I want them to be gay.'
C: Also, if all gay representation had happy endings...
C: that would do great, great... J: Yes, wonders for the world.
C: Exactly.
“Would you rather go back in time to give a pep talk to your younger self
or travel into the future to have a conversation with your future self?"
[Both] Ooo.
J: I like this, though, because you'll know what happens to my future, too. C: Ah! Yeah.
[Triumphant laugh]
J: Yeah, I mean, I'm fine right now; I don't really need
to have a chat with my future self.
J: But I was probably quite sad.
J: To be fair, a lot of the time when I was quite young,
I used to have imaginary conversations with my older self
(who was doing great!)
C: But you're quite happy where you are now. J: Yeah, yeah.
C: So why do you need your self to tell yourself that in the past?
J: Because past me was really sad.
C: Yeah, but it made you who you are.
"Would you rather fall for a straight girl or fall for your best friend's ex?"
J: Correct answer.
J: Yeah. Don't hurt your best friend!
C: And I was like, 'What if the best friend's ex is also straight?'
C: What? Like, or it's a guy.
J: If I fall for the straight girl, it's only me that's getting hurt. C: Exactly, that's why I--how I answered it.
J: Exactly.
"Would you rather have a baby that looks like you
or like your wife?"
C: Because mine will look so cute! J: I know!
C: It will have Chinese genes.
C: Chinese babies; that's really, really cute.
C: Just sayin'.
"Would you rather be known as a famous YouTuber
or as a gay icon?"
J: What a question.
J: Why would you be like, 'Yeah, just a famous YouTuber?' No!
J: I wanna be a gay icon!
C: You are both, my love.
J: Aw, thank you. C: You are both a famous YouTuber and a gay icon.
J: That's very kind of you.
"Would you rather colour your hair in rainbow colours or get a rainbow tattoo?"
C: I know, that's quite obvious. You dye your hair.
C: And I have tattoos, so.
C: We'd more, like--we'd follow that...
J: Oh, damn, wait. I should've gone with rainbow tattoo because it didn't say where it was
or how big.
C: Exactly. J: It could be like this big and I've hidden it.
J: Oo, I quite like that. C: Ooo! It could be like the side of your finger, and then if you hold it up like this,
C: then I have my moustache!
C: Or you could have it and then you'd match me!
C: And then whenever I felt sad about my moustache, you could be like, 'Don't worry, darling...'
'We match!'
"Would you girls rather play leading roles in LGBTQ+ movie
or write a book about an LGBTQ+ matter?
C: Is it, like, a successful movie?
C: Or is it a budget movie?
J: Is it one of those terrible movies where all the lesbians die in the end?!
C: Yes, is it a book that anyone will read?
J: Well, you've written it, shouldn’t you have some confidence in your writing?
C: I feel like the book one could come true because I could just do that next week.
C: Doesn't mean anyone's gonna read it.
J: Doesn't mean it'll ever get published. C: But, you know, like, the movie, like...
C: Someone has to actually cast me in a movie.
“Jessica, would you rather go back to eating only leeks forever
or have to only wear trousers for the rest of your life?"
C: Yeah. I was gonna answer two for you, as well. J: It was a tough one!
J: But the leeks really hurt.
"Say you have a child through sperm donation.
Would you rather have [the donor] be someone that you know personally that could be in the child's life
or have it be someone anonymous through a sperm bank?"
J: Yeah. I do not want them to be in the child's life.
J: Nuclear family.
J: I don't--this is attempting to be a square, I think.
"Particularly for Claudia:
Would you rather be transported into the world of 'The L Word'
or have 'The L Word' transported into your world?"
J: Oh!
J: But we would live in LA; it's always sunny; everyone has a pool.
J: No one ever really goes to their job. C: No, because it says...
C: "Particularly for Claudia"
C: You're not in that world.
J: Oh! No. C: You're in this world.
J: Oh, don't leave me. No!
J: You're right! C: So then I wouldn't be with you, yeah!
J: Yeah, they can all come here. C: So I'd rather they got transported into this world,
C: and then... J: And one of them can kill Jenny.
C: And also, we might not like them in person and I can be like, 'I'm just gonna go back to my life.'
'You carry on with yours.'
“Would you rather have more LGBTQ+ representation in the media
or have more LGBTQ+ representation in sexual education in schools?”
C: Mmm. J: Ooh.
J: You think schools and I think media.
C: To be honest, I think one will help the other.
J: I think that if it's just in schools, the only people whose minds you're going to be changing is that
generation, whereas I think if there's more representation in the media,
you're gonna be changing the minds of adults, as well.
"Would you rather have a gay character in every movie, but they're always a tired stereotype who dies at the end
or have no gay characters in movies at all?"
C: I can't answer that.
J: I think terrible representation is better than no representation.
“Would you rather gay marriage be legal where you live but nowhere else
or gay marriage be legal everywhere except where you live?"
J: Because we're not arseholes.
J: Like... C: Yeah.
J: It can be legal everywhere in the entire world
except for our country
and then we just leave our country.
C: Yeah, I was gonna say. We can leave our country, you know?
"Would you rather live together but never be able to date
or date but never be able to live together?"
J: Because...this will just happen.
Especially in a small space.
“Would you rather give Walter and Tilly up for adoption in order to have children
or keep Walter and Tilly, but never be able to have children?”
C: Awww. J: Oh, thank God.
C: Yeah... J: OK.
C: Because, I mean, children live to be actual adults
J: I mean, hopefully they also live beyond us. C: and humans, and...
C: They can contribute to the world; to society.
C: I mean, other than being so cute,
J: So adorable. C: she doesn't really add much to the world.
C: And she is only going--she's not going to live as long as a child.
C: Also, we're-- J: Wow. Thanks, guys, thanks so much!
C: Also, we're not killing her; we're just giving her to someone else.
“Specifically for Jessica: Would you rather never drink Diet Coke again
or never wear dresses again?"
C: What?! You'd never wear dresses again over Diet Coke?
J: I could drink Pepsi! C: Exactly!
J: I mean, that would be disgusting, but... C: I was thinking you could drink Pepsi Max.
"Would you rather Rachel Weisz
or Emma Stone?"
C: Oh, no, I did it wrong. One.
J: Were you going with Rachel Weisz? C: Yeah, yeah, Rachel Weisz. Yeah.
C: I know I like gingers...
but...
J: Rachel Weisz is captivating.
C: Yeah, I've always fancied Rachel Weisz.
J: Who doesn't? C: Since 'The Mummy.'
"Would you rather have to be tied to each other by a rainbow that cannot go through doors
or have the Kool-Aid man break through a wall and yell, 'Oh yeah!'
every single time you point out your flag in a public place?"
C: This is such a weird question!
J: So, wait, we're tied together by a rainbow
but it can't go through doors.
J: How do we go through doors?
C: As in we have to go through together.
C: I think it means if we leave a room...
C: We can't ever be in separate rooms. J: Ohh, OK. We're just tied together by rainbows.
J: We can't be in separate rooms now.
What difference is that gonna make?
“Would you rather rule the world, but with the condition that you must give up your own happiness (your wife, doggies, and vintage love)
- but everyone else is very happy and gets all of their rights -
or
refuse the offer and keep all that’s precious to you and be happy?"
C: What, you wanna be unhappy for the rest of your life?
J: Yeah. There's a lot of inequality in the world.
C: That sounds pretty unequal to me.
C: You could just--if you say--because also,
then it's not determining on you, is it?
J: What, if I go with number two? C: Yeah.
C: Because someone else might be given the option tomorrow and they might--they might choose
or everyone might be happy,
C: or everyone-- J: But everyone might say no
J: and I'm the only one who might say yes.
J: Onto a happier question!
"Would you rather have a single big dog
or multiple small dogs?"
J: I like dogs I can lift.
C: Yeah, you can't lift like twenty of them.
J: I could put them in a carrier or a buggy.
C: I like big dogs; it's just we don't have the space or the practicality for them.
J: And we're both allergic.
"Would you rather watch a terrible lesbian movie with a good ending
or a good lesbian movie with a bad ending?"
C: Yeah, because it's like an oxymoron there. You've said it's a "good" lesbian movie,
C: so therefore you're implying... J: I think the bad ending is like the lesbians die.
C: Yeah, but you're implying it's already-- J: But maybe they died of old age after spending all of their lives together.
J: That was the film. C: Yeah.
C: If it was a good movie, but the lesbians have a bad ending,
then that's different, isn't it? But if it's a good lesbian movie, then the whole premise of the movie is about lesbians
and you've been portrayed well the whole way--
J: Also, the bad ending could just be the apocalypse.
C: Exactly.
J: Which says nothing about lesbianism.
"Would you rather wear lesbian stereotype clothes for the rest of your life
(flannels, beanies, combat boots)
or only dress like drag queens for the rest of your life?"
C: What?!
J: I mean, that seems way more fun.
J: I’d feel very uncomfortable if I had to wear flannels and beanies and combat boots.
J: A drag queen with sequins - that's what I am!
“Would you rather both dress like Jessica or both dress like Claudia
for the rest of your lives?"
C: Yes, see!
J: I did it for you, baby.
C: I know, but also, I would feel super awkward wearing whatever you wear.
J: I feel super uncomfortable wearing your clothes, but...
J: I'd do it for love. C: But also, mine have a little bit more flexibility.
C: You know? Sometimes I wear dresses.
C: You could wear those. J: Oh!
J: Loophole!
J: Well, thank you so much for these questions. This has been…enlightening.
J: I mean, I think we've learned things about each other.
Claudia is apparently fine with a rainbow moustache.
J: Hopefully that does not factor into our marriage in the future.
J: Shocking. C: Luckily you chose me over dresses, though.
J: Oh, of course, darling.
J: Thank you so much for watching. If you are new here, please press subscribe
and remember to hit the little notification bell because that's actually what the subscribe button really is;
the subscribe button is nonsense now; it's just the bell.
J: Also, the 'Because: gay' merch is out now,
and you can get it in the link down below
or on the merch shelf, which you may also be able to see.
C: Hope you enjoyed the Jessie and Claud Show.
C: Episode 1.
J: Play outro music.
[Outro music begins]
J: It's one of those shows where we dance at the end.
C: I see.
[Outro music plays]