"What to do if my husband is bisexual?"
I want you to know that that's not
really the question that you're asking
and my name is Paul Friedman, I founded
The Marriage Foundation and I want to
help you with this.
First of all, we have to really take a
look at what marriage
is and isn't. Marriage is
not about sexuality.
It's not even about gender, it's about
love. It is about having a connection
with somebody
that creates a unique
relationship in the world, a very
positive,
a very fulfilling relationship
that brings happiness, that brings love
where you learn how to love
unconditionally.
But in our society, it's not really your
fault if that's not what's happening in
your marriage
and it's not because if this issue of
bisexuality, homosexuality,
lesbianism whatever. If those
questions even come up
it means that you have shot
low. You have aimed low. You have not
been striving for. You have not been
doing what you're supposed to do
to create love and harmony in your
marriage.
And now the repercussion
which can come in many forms is coming
in your marriage in the form of this
topic coming up at all.
You see, if he's
saying "I'm bisexual"
if he's saying, "I'm seeing men,"
what's really happening? What's really
happening
is that he's not being loyal,
or if it's not so drastic
if he's saying, "I want to explore,"
then he's saying, "I'm not getting
my needs fulfilled," which doesn't mean
his sexual needs
because we don't get married to fulfill
our sexual needs.
It means his need for loving intimacy
is lacking and there's something you can
do about it.
You could blame him. You could
find a preacher to condemn him.
You can lay all kinds of guilt trips
on him or you can
look at your marriage and
ask yourself, "Is this a fulfilling
marriage?
Is this something that will hold
my husband with love?
Am I doing what I said I would do
when we got married?
Am I giving him the kind of love that I
promised
to love him with all my heart, mind and
soul?"
The answer is no and so
the what ifs
are not that difficult to answer.
"What if my husband is looking
elsewhere?" Then
look at your own marriage. Look at your
activity in the marriage
and find fault but more importantly,
learn what you can do to turn things
around.
Normally, what one would do in your
situation is just
learn about marriage
because that's what you need. And for
that, you could use one of my books
either Breaking the Cycle or Lessons for
a Happy Marriage.
But if this is coming up as an issue
then your marriage is already sliding
quickly towards its
end because trends matter,
and he's trending away from you. So in
that case,
I recommend that you take the course for
women that we at The Marriage Foundation
offer. Obviously,
you should subscribe to this channel and
learn more about marriage.
You should start being around me so to
speak
and hearing different topics
so you get a sense of how marriage
should look because in most places you
won't.
You'll hear condemnation. You'll hear
analyzation.
I'm all about achieving happiness,
happiness and love, and that's what you
should be seeking
in your marriage. And the more
you learn about your marriage
the better off you will be.
Write to one of our counselors at The
Marriage Foundation if you'd like --
it's a free service but by all means
don't condemn your husband.
Don't look at this in that way.
Look at what can I do, what can I do
starting today. Don't go backwards
starting today
what can I do to make my marriage
incredible and that's it.
Thank you for spending time with me and
take care!