Marie: Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create
a business and life you love, and today, I want to talk to you about a rarely used technique
that'll make you more powerful, more persuasive and more charismatic in three seconds flat.
No, I’m serious.
It really works.
Now, this is cumulative meaning you have to turn this into a habit to really get all the
results I promised and a bit of a warning.
What I'm about to tell you to do is terrifying and most of us spend our entire lives trying
to avoid it, but like a pap smear, it’s over fast and it really works.
I just did it.
Did you catch it?
If not and you missed it, here it goes again.
That was a live demonstration of the three-second IAP, the intentional awkward pause.
Now why on God’s green earth would you ever want to do that?
I’ll tell you.
Because being a really, really good listener is one of the most underrated secrets to success.
It’s crucial if you want to be more charismatic, more persuasive and a better negotiator, plus
really listening to someone and having them feel truly heard is one of the biggest gifts
you could ever give.
As Larry King says, and yes, it’s a tweetable:
“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything.
So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening.”
The problem is most of us suck at listening and we don’t even know it.
We’re always interrupting others with our brilliant ideas and our feedback and most
often it’s often the way that we suck the most.
I'm probably one of the worst offenders out there but I am consistently working on this
and I have to say the IAP is a lifesaver.
Not so long ago, I used it with my stepson Zane and had an unbelievable result.
Zane was home on Christmas break from college and he invited me to go for cappuccinos.
A little backstory here.
In the ten years plus that we've been in each other’s lives, he never really asked me
for life advice, so we get to this place, Café Minerva and we’re hanging out, and
Zane starts to tell me all about his life and what he might want to do with it.
He’s very involved with music, he’s involved in acting and all these creative things.
Basically, he’s asking me for the kind of advice that I give for a living, so you can
imagine, every single part of me just wanted to jump in and tell him what to do and tell
him what I think and “yada, yada, yada,” but I practiced the IAP and I just sat there
and I zipped it.
Every time I did this and I just shut up, it was amazing because he would just reveal
more and more insights, he’d find new things to talk about, he’d find his own insights
that were way better than anything I could have told him and it was really amazing.
I have to be honest, my body was literally uncomfortable being silent, so every time
he would come to an end of a sentence, I would sit and see if there was more, and it was
absolutely awesome.
By the end of three hours, we had the most beautiful conversation and we left that café
feeling more connected and more intimate than I think we've ever felt; so, just a little
story to show that it really, really works.
We also use this all the time on my team and once again I am probably the worst offender,
but Tana is the master.
She's actually the one that brought it to us and she's the one that keeps us in line
so you can definitely use this in the workplace too.
Now I want to turn this all back to you.
Two part challenge this week.
Number one: what is your worst listening habit?
Do you always interrupt people?
Are you constantly thinking about what you're going to say next or do you do something called
“fake listening?”
This particularly happens on the phone when you're supposedly listening to someone but
you're really doing e-mail instead.
Here's the thing.
We all have bad habits but once you identify, you can rectify.
Number two: I want you to tell me in the comments below where is the most impactful place that
you can start using the IAP today?
Is it with your family?
Is it with your work environment?
Leave a comment below and let me know.
As always, the best discussions happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com so go
there and leave a comment now.
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Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special
gift that only you have.
Thank you so much for watching and I’ll see you next time on MarieTV.