- Do I flip you around?
I'm sorry.
- Yeah, there you go just improvise.
See what feels good.
- Okay.
(baby cries)
- Baby.
(serene classical music)
- I'm Kaley, I'm a copywriter for a beauty company.
- I'm Koji and I'm a graphic designer.
- I've never held a baby before.
Well, animal babies, but not human babies.
I'm 49.
- I'm very nervous.
Babies are afraid of me. (laughs)
- People have like offered me but I usually just decline
'cause I'm not a huge baby person. (laughs)
- A camera.
- I don't want any like bodily fluids on me
or to drop the baby.
- Drop the baby.
- Drop the baby (laughs), that would be the worst.
(laughs nervously)
I'm scared!
- Yeah.
Let's meet the baby.
- Hi.
- This is River.
- Hi, River.
- Hi, baby.
- Hello.
River.
- I'm a little nervous, yeah.
I'm like watching your technique.
Well, like, I'm sure you're nervous.
- I'm actually not nervous, no.
- Really?
- I'm not around a lot of babies!
It's so weird!
I'm scared of the baby!
- Babies don't normally mess with me.
They don't really like me normally.
I'm thinking it's because of my stature, my height.
Is there like any way I should conduct myse,lf
body language-wise or?
- I mean, just be comfortable, you know, be confident.
- What if the baby starts freaking out
and like crying and wiggling around?
- Then I'll probably take him back.
(both women laugh)
- I'm so scared.
- Yup.
- Whoa.
(serene slow classical music)
(baby crying)
- Me too, man.
- It's okay.
- Me too, man.
- He doesn't even notice.
It's like nothing's even happening.
(both laughing)
- Oh, he's kinda happy though.
He's a happy guy.
- Yeah?
You a happy guy?
Alright.
- It's good.
- It's like a good weigh.t
It's like really soft.
- It feels weird and a part of what feels weird too
is like he doesn't seem weirded out at all.
- Yeah, he's just like whatever.
- A stranger is holding me and I'm just chillin'.
- You're right there is like a particular smell,
I mean, you didn't tell me this but people tell me this.
There's like a smell to a baby.
- There's a smell?
- Yeah.
- I mean like a certain nothingness, I guess.
- Yeah.
- There you go.
- Good job.
- Oh my God, that was such a crazy experience.
- Do you wanna hold him again in a different position?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Okay?
- Okay, got him.
- There you go.
- Maybe he'll stop crying when you take him.
- Are you okay?
(laughs)
- How's that?
Can I rock him a little bit?
- Yeah!
(slow serene classical music)
(baby crying)
- Your mommy's right there.
- Mommy's right here.
It's okay.
- You're safe.
- He might also have a wet diaper, just FYI.
- Oh, okay.
- How do you burp the baby?
- So you put him up kinda, so like his head is way up here.
Like against you, you know what I mean?
- Oh.
- Yeah, like that, he tends to like that sorta thing.
- Is that too much?
- There we go.
That's it.
(slow serene classical music)
(baby whines)
- I'm so sorry!
I didn't mean to.
I fucking suck, I know.
- Ready?
Good job.
You can let go.
- You got him? - Yeah I got him.
- Good, the transfer is complete.
- I can babysit now!
- Thank you.
(baby cries)
- It felt kinda, like, emotionally intense.
- No.
- I might like try to find more babies
to hang out with but I don't want one myself.
- There were some like surprises
about sorta like the physical experience
but I would say it really didn't do too much
for me emotionally.
I mean, it's a cute baby and everything but you know.
- I guess it just confirms that babies
really don't fuck with me.
I think that the only kid that will enjoy my presence
is the one that ends up being my own.
- It was like,
it needed me?
Like, someone needed me besides me needing someone else
and I like that.
(people clapping)
- [Crew Member] Good job.
You can walk off this way and you're done.
- [Woman] (laughs) Okay.