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(Bangin' intro)
Tanjiro: Hey, name's Tanjiro Kamado, and I have super smell!
Related fact: people in 1920's Japan did not wear a lot of deodorant.
Muzan: Can you smell that I ate your family?
Tanjiro: Actually, yes!
...unfortunate.
Tanjiro: Oh, hey Nezuko. You're still alive! Uhh, can you help me dig some--
--hoooOOOOOO GOD (Nezuko screams)
Tanjiro: So my sister's a demon, but I think she's chilled out?
Sakonji: Put that bitch in a box. I'ma teach you how to kill demons!
Tanjiro: Okay!
(Bitch Slap)
Tanjiro: Can I kill demons yet?
Sakonji: Can you cut this rock?
(d i n k)
Tanjiro: ...no?
Sakonji: Then you can't kill demons!!
Tanjiro: Fuck!
(Swingin' boi)
Tanjiro: I give up.
Sabito & Makomo: But don't, though!
Tanjiro: Okay!
(Swingin' MAN)
(Crack)
Thanks, ghost children!
Sakonji: Alright, Biggy Smells. There's one last thing to do before you can kill demons.
Tanjiro: What's that?
Sakonji: Kill demons!
Tanjiro: Okay!
(Traditional Japenese Pog Noise)
*screaming heard in the distance*
Random: Why would you send a child here?!
Kiriya: Don't you adore the sound of dying children?
Kanata: It's the only thing that gives me pleasure anymore, dear sister.
(Oh lawd he comin'-)
Tanjiro: Hiyah! (Suddenly Cake)
Tanjiro: I guess Sakonji trained me well.
Hand Demon: Did you say Sakonji?
'Cuz I keep eating his kids!
It's funny... You'd think he'd stop sending me kids. Y'know, considering I keep eating them.
It's like DoorDash™, but with children!!
Hand Demon: What the hell?!
Tanjiro: I could smell where to cut you!
Hand Demon: That's fucking stupid...!
Sakonji: All right. Here's your super special sword. It's black!
Tanjiro: Does the color mean anything?
Sakonji: YYYUP!
Tanjiro: Oh, s- th-that-that's-that's all you're gonna--
Sakonji: Go do your job!!!
*Toad sounds*
(Falcon-)
(-KICK!)
Tamayo: Hello. I'm Tamayo, a demon doctor. This is my fuckboy- I mean assistant, Yushiro.
We want to kill the guy who ate your family.
Tanjiro: Hold on a second, there are good demons?
That changes, like, everything-!
Yushiro: You can't fuck her! She's *my* mommy.
Tanjiro: Whoa, dude.
Yushiro: FUCK YOU!
Susamaru: Hey, so we were told to murder you dicks.
And no better way to murder a bunch of dicks than with BALLS!
Yahaba: And since we're sending you to hell, let us point you in the right direction.
Tanjiro: Wait, stop! I get motion sick--
(Tanjiro grunts in pain as Konami Code ensues)
--wait. Oh, gross. You have eyes on your hands?
Yahaba: Yeah, I get pinkpalm. Like a lot--
Aw, balls!
Susamaru: You called for me?
Ah, bitch!
Yushiro: You called for me?
Tamayo: Tell us who sent you!
Susamaru: Are you kidding me? Muzan would murder me.
Ah, fuck you.
(POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!)
Tanjiro: Well, I definitely have a bunch of broken bones, but luckily that's over and I'll finally have some time to re--
Wait, when did I...?
Kyogai: Hi there.
Tanjiro: Eughh!!
Kyogai: I'm Kyogai. I'm one of the demons with a sad backstory.
Can I read you some of my amateur poetry?
Tanjiro: ...Are the only options that or death?
Kyogai: ...yes?
Tanjiro: *sharp inhale*
Kyogai: Oh eat shit, dude.
*Main Theme starts playing to the beat of Taikyo no Tatsujin drums*
Tanjiro: Oh god no, my motion sickness!!
...aaaa
AAH!
(Pain)
I need a break...
Inosuke: *Screaming*
Inosuke: *Screaming* Zenitsu: *Screaming*
Tanjiro: God. Damnit.
Zenitsu: I'm Zenitsu. I'm a total pants pissing coward, a shameless lech, I can't stop SCREAMING,
and I'm only useful when I'm unconscious!
Tanjiro: Wow, the audience must hate you!
Zenitsu: Actually, they say I'm relatable!
Tanjiro: That's fucked up...
Inosuke: I'M INOSUKE!
I LOVE TO KILL DEMONS AND HAVEN'T WASHED THIS BOAR HEAD IN THREE MONTHS!
Tanjiro: I could smell.
Inosuke (deep, manly voice): But I'm also *very* pretty.
Tanjiro: That is actually way more disturbing than the boar head. Please put it back on.
Inosuke: (gremlin voice) WITH PLEASURE!!
Zenitsu: Can I nail your sister?
Tanjiro: No!
Zenitsu: I'm gonna.
Tanjiro: All right, we got some rest. Now our next mission is to kill some spiders.
Kurapika: Huh? What was that?
Tanjiro: Uh, no no, sorry, *demon* spiders.
Kurapika: Well, be more specific next time.
Zenitsu: I want to bang that chick.
Inosuke: THAT IS A GUY!
Zenitsu: Not from the back!
*more screaming coming from Zenitsu*
Rui: Hi there.
Tanjiro & Inoskue: OwO
Rui: I'm a spider boy and I'd like you to get the fuck out of our forest, please.
Inosuke: I'D LIKE YOU TO FUCK YOU!
Rui: Father.
Tanjiro: Sorry, but you're evil.
So you have to die.
Rui: Fine. But we're going to give you our sad backstories right before you kill us so it feels extra tragic.
Tanjiro: Fair enough.
Rui: You see, when I was a child, I was super sick, but when I was a demon, I wasn't sick and then I could have the family I always wanted!!
Tanjiro: That's really sad, but I feel like this would have been way more dramatic if the audience had known that ahead of time!
Nezuko: Rah rah rah rah rah rah rah! (Some demon blood magic bullshit)
Tanjiro: Did--Did I die?
Shinobu: Ai yai yai...I'm your little butterfly~
Giyu: Also, I'm here.
Tanjiro: Oh shit, sorry we skipped you.
Shinobu: Should we kill his sister?
Giyu: No.
Sanemi: We should kill his sister!
Giyu: Fuck.
Tanjiro: Who are they?
Giyu: These are the Gotei 13-- I mean the Hashira.
Unfortunately, we don't have a lot of time to spend on them, so they're basically a collection of broad caricatures and catchphrases for the moment.
Gyomei: I'm very saaaaad!
Tengen: I love DRAMA!
Kyojuro: I talk about very violent things with a happy smile.
Muichiro: I'm very quiet.
Obanai: I'm also quiet... but creepy.
Mitsuri: I'm a girl!
Giyu: ...and they're a bunch of assholes.
Tanjiro: W-What do you mean?
Sanemi: Stabbing your dumb sister! *nyeh*
Tanjiro: Oh my god!
Kyojuro: Oh yeah! Stab that little boy's sister!
Tanjiro: You guys ARE assholes!!
Kagaya: Maybe don't stab her.
Sanemi: Oh, what?
Kyojuro: Bullshit!
Tanjiro: How are these people working for this organization?
Kagaya: May I remind you that we have man-eating demons making Golden Corrals out of our villages?
We're not picky about who can kill them.
Sanemi: See? She wants the B!
Don't ya, you little blood slut?
(Rejection)
Fuck you, bitch.
Kagaya: That means she's cool and you all suck.
Tanjiro, take your sister and go rest with your friends.
Tanjiro: My friends?
Zenitsu: (Meatwad voice) I got bit by a spider and now I got baby limbs.
Inosuke: ᴬⁿᵈ ᴵ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ˡᵒˢᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᵃᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ ᵗᵒ ˢᶜʳᵉᵃᵐ
ᴵ ⁿᵒ ˡᵒⁿᵍᵉʳ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵃ ᵖᵘʳᵖᵒˢᵉ
Tanjiro: Okay, but can you say "I'll get you next time Gadget!"?
Inosuke: ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ʸᵒᵘᵘᵘᵘᵘᵘᵘᵘᵘᵘᵘᵘᵘᵘᵘᵘ--
Why Boner Muzan: Hey, so I'm cleaning house. Who doesn't want to die?
Cool.
How about you?
~You wanna die?
Enmu: Yeah, I wanna die!~
Muzan: You want me to muurder you?~
Enmu: Oh, just fucking *end* me!~~
Muzan: Cut off your head and bleeeed you out?~~
Enmu: Bleed me like a pig!~~
Muzan: Hang you on a meat hook!?~~~
Enmu: Oh god. Yeah daddy. Yeah!~~~~~
Muzan: Take my blood! Go kill a kid named Tanjiro!
Enmu: Okay! :D
Tanjiro: All right, we fully recovered and we even had a training arc!
And now it's time for a train arc!
Inosuke: WHAT IS A TRAIN?
Tanjiro: I don't know!
(bangin' outro)
Spider Demon: Ho-ho-holy shit, look at this kid. He's got Doritos all over his robes.
Yo, kid. ou Nacho cheese, or are you Cool Ranch?
Zenitsu: REEEEEEEEEEEEE-
Oh, man, he won't stop screaming.
Sean: You think it has, like, something to do with me or...
Spider Demon: Yeah, of course it's something to do with you, Sean.
Look at you and your fuckin' Toy Story reject looking ass.
Sean: Man, shut the fuck up. You look like something Tim Burton shit out on a bad day.
Spider Demon: Talk to me like that again, I will come down there, and I will stab you with my spider dick, okay?
This thing's like a hypodermic needle full of spite and spider jizz.
I will fuck you up, okay? I will fuck you up.
Wait, did he stop screaming?
(Bangin' Main Character Theme)
HOLY SHI--
Lani: You know, Mr. Stake, they tell you not to bring your work home with you,
But I don't think any of those people have ever been sponsored by...
Bokksu!
That's right. It's that time again. We got delicious Japanese snacks,
and, of course, you can get yours too straight from Bokksu.
And if you enter the code "TEAMFOURSTAR10" at checkout you get 10% off your order.
Let's see, uh, this month is the Tokyo Summer Box.
Let's see, starting right away, I got some Kaju Gummy: Plum and Lychee.
It's like a...it's like a gourmet gusher.
It's like it's got this delicious gummy candy outside,
but on the inside it's got this like thick lychee syrup.
Up next we have Castella Cake: Butter flavor.
Oh yeah, the butter flavor is THICC.
And again like with most of the Japanese snacks that we got here
The sweetness is--it's not overpowering
It's not like american cake where you're just like, BAM, right in the face with sugar
Puku Puku Tai, which i'm assuming is short for taiyaki,
Salted Watermelon.
(crunch)
Oh, Oh wow. oh.
Oh, that is really good.
Do you mind?
This is amazing. The, okay,
so the outer shell is kind of like this almost like sugar cone consistency to it, but the inside is so
immensely packed with watermelon flavor.
(mouth full) Welcome back, Sal.
Om (cronch)
Um, you wanna see what else we got here, Sal?
What do you think this is?
Uh, I think it is a Petite Strawberry Milk Candy.
I can assure you of this because unlike you I can read.
Now unlike that taiyaki, the- the strawberry flavoring on this one,
Very subdued, very mellow.
But that fills it up for this delicious Bokksu!
Once again, "TEAMFOURSTAR10" at checkout to get 10% off your order of these delicious snacks. Hit it up!
Yeah.
(Thanks for watching with subtitles!)