- If you are anything like me, (quiet music)
you probably get pretty nervous about the prospect
of going up and talking or introducing yourself
to somebody you admire.
Whether it's an author you like or a musician,
or just somebody who's really well-respected in your field,
the prospect of going up and talking to that person
can seem like you're gonna waste their time
because it seems like they are in a completely
different league from you.
But, even if you do feel this way, there's probably
some rational part of your brain that knows that if you
could just work up the courage to go and talk
to that person, something awesome might happen,
even if it's just being able to talk with somebody
you really admire for a couple of minutes.
That's why in this video I wanna share a confidence hack
that I use every single time I'm nervous
about going up and talking to someone.
This is a simple mindset change that, at least for me,
can be implemented right away
and works permanently afterwards.
But before I tell you about it, I wanna first recount
a time before I started using it, which I still regret.
Back when I was in college, there was a conference
going on in the city just south of where my college was.
And at that conference, an author was going to be speaking
who I really, really admired.
So I drove down to the conference, I paid for my ticket
and I went to see him speak.
And afterwards there were a few people lined up
to go talk to him, but the line wasn't super long,
so I really had every opportunity in the world
to go and say hi and introduce myself
and have a quick conversation with him.
Now, did I actually do that?
Well, you can probably guess the answer to that question.
No, I didn't.
Instead I went to the lobby, I awkwardly hung out
for about 15 minutes and then I left because, number one,
I completely psyched myself out.
I thought that he was in a completely different league
and talking to him would have been a complete
waste of his time and shooting my confidence down
in that way made me unwilling to talk to anybody else
in the conference.
So I did get to see his talk, but otherwise I completely
squandered all of my opportunities at that conference
and I went home basically empty-handed.
Now, fortunately this story has a happy ending
because the next year that author actually came back
into town with a couple of his friends,
Ryan Nicodemus and Joshua Millburn,
who you might know as the Minimalists,
to support their book tour.
And I ended up attending that book tour as well
and that time I actually did work up the courage
to go and talk to him along with those other two guys.
And they actually ended up inviting me out for dinner,
so I got an entire evening to talk to them.
And that happened because on this occasion I actually
did use the hack that I'm about to tell you about.
And I like to call it the Netflix Rule.
This is a really simple rule.
Basically anytime I'm nervous about going up and talking
to somebody who seems out of my league or who seems
really, really successful, I think about what they're
going to be doing at the end of the day because no matter
how successful they are, no matter how great the things
that they are doing right now are, at the end of the day
at some point they are gonna get tired,
they're gonna kick their shoes off and they're probably
gonna sit down to watch some Netflix.
It's probably gonna be Emperor's New Groove.
I mean I don't think there's any other real legitimate
choice on the platform right now.
That's kind of beside the point.
Everyone, no matter how successful, no matter how
seemingly untouchable is human.
No one is a god.
Everyone farts on airplanes and hopes
no one else will notice.
We're all human.
So the Netflix Rule for me is a way of focusing on those
common human elements, the things that make us
more alike than different.
Now once I do actually strike up that conversation,
I'm probably not gonna talk about Emperor's New Groove,
probably not gonna talk about ice cream
or farting on airplanes.
These are just things that make the person seem more
approachable in my head.
I focus on these things to break down these barriers
that my brain likes to put up to guard against some
perceived, terrible scenario that'll happen
if I dare to talk to this person who's
so far out of my league.
Side note though, if you do wanna know what to say
once you actually strike up that conversation,
it's probably a good idea to at least get the ball rolling
by talking about something that they've done
or maybe the talk that they just gave because this is
a good way of striking up a conversation that has some
context in the moment.
And beyond that, you can also get better
at making small talk.
If you want a good place to start for improving
in that area, my friend Charlie has a great video
on how to do small talk if you're an introvert,
which I'll have linked in the description down below.
Overall, though, it is your demeanor that matters the most
because there is a huge difference between approaching
somebody as a human being versus acting totally starstruck.
And that brings me to another good point.
The Netflix Rule makes the interaction better for the person
talking to you as well.
People don't wanna be put on pedestals.
Nine times out of 10, that uber successful person
that you are so scared to talk to just wants to have
a genuine human conversation.
They don't wanna be separated or isolated
just because of the nature of their work.
They wanna have really connections.
So if you can use this mental image of them getting tired
at the end of the day and watching Emperor's New Groove
on Netflix to humanize them, then the conversation
is gonna go so much better for them as well.
And there is yet another benefit here too.
Even if the interaction is awkward, even if it goes
kind of poorly, that person is still gonna go watch
Netflix tonight and that means that even if I
kind of screw the conversation up, even if it's a little
awkward, at the end of the day, they are not going to be
thinking about me.
They're gonna go watch Netflix.
They've got their own problems,
their own lives to worry about.
So really it can only go one of two ways.
Either the interaction is awesome and maybe something
cool happens down the line because of that,
or it's forgettable.
They move on with their lives and I get to move on
with mine as well.
And this part of the mindset isn't even limited
to one-on-one interactions either.
It can also be useful for things like public speaking
or anything where you have to kind of put yourself
out there and you're scared about what people will think.
In fact, writing this very video script was partly
an exercise in trying to convince myself to sign up
for a public singing showcase that's happening
in a couple of months since I've been taking vocal lessons.
And I'm very scared to do it, but I have to tell myself
either it's going to go great, or it's going to be
forgettable for every single person in that audience.
And I have to remind myself that every great performer
out there, whether they're a speaker, an author,
a musician, they have a lot of forgettable performances
in their past, but every single one contributed
towards their skills, contributed towards their confidence.
And the fact that they're able to dazzle people now
and have great interactions now is because of all
that leg work that happened beforehand.
So, whether it's a one-on-one interaction with somebody
who you're nervous to talk to, or a performance on a stage,
remember that it is a simple fork in the road.
Either you dazzle them or they forget about you
because, well, they've got Netflix shows to go watch.
Now it's good to note that cultivating this mindset
can help you build better professional relationships
as well, help expand your network.
That's a great way to expand your job prospects
in the future.
And if you're looking for more ways to do that,
then another area you may want to focus on is your
ability to solve problems because as more jobs and processes
become automated, the opportunities that are gonna exist
in the future are increasingly going to involve,
number one, social skills, but number two, the ability
to pull knowledge from disparate fields and creatively
solve problems that we haven't seen before.
And the way that you improve your skills in that area
is through practice, is through daily problem solving.
Because as you solve problems over in one area,
you become universally better at it on the whole.
And a great place to get that practice in,
while also learning about math, science and computer science
in depth is Brilliant.
Brilliant is a learning platform that keeps the principle
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So whether you're going through
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So, if you wanna start learning for free,
then head over to Brilliant.org/ThomasFrank and sign up
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premium subscription.
Huge thanks goes out to Brian for sponsoring this video
and being a supporter of my channel and before I
wrap this video up, I do have a couple
of quick announcements to make.
Number one, I am hiring again.
I'm looking to hire an animator to work with both me
and my video editor to up the animation game
on this channel.
So, if you are competent with After Effects,
if you know Vector illustration, if you know the difference
between an easing curve and an easy chair,
then go to the link and description down below and apply.
Secondly, if you ever looked at that Never Stop Learning
T-shirt that I've worn on previous videos and thought,
dang, I wish I could drink coffee in that,
well, I have some good news and some bad news for you.
Bad news first.
If you pour coffee into that T-shirt,
it is not going to be very drinkable.
I guess you could kind of like wring the shirt out
into your mouth, probably not advisable,
but the good new is we now have mugs
and you can go to the link in the description down below
to get yourself one of those as well as ladie's tees
and tanks, they're all in the store now,
so check those out if you are interested.
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