(dramatic music)
(grunts in frustration)
We've got our backs against the wall,
this is DEFCON six.
Red alert!
(papers falling)
(glass shattering)
Chips are down and we don't have a damn response team
to handle the situation.
What are we gonna do?
- Madam Prime Minister,
I have a solution but you are not gonna like it.
- What is it?
- I have located the most powerful army in the world.
Not only have they disrupted political rallies,
they have also thwarted bigoted online campaigns
but they're also capable of mobilizing millions
in a matter of minutes.
- Who is it?
- The BTS army.
(BTS music)
- Uh, these are just a bunch of teenage girls.
- And Derek.
- And me.
Technically I'm 36.
- But you can be any age in our army,
as long as you're kind, supportive, and you stan BTS.
- General, this isn't an army.
How are a bunch of teenage girls-
- And Derek.
- I'm 36.
- Yeah, okay.
How are a bunch of teenage girls and Derek
going to recover the launch codes
to our recently stolen nuclear missile
before it's used on our citizens?
- We are on it.
(BTS music continues)
(bubble gum popping)
Mission accomplished.
- You didn't recover the code and the missile
all in one afternoon.
- You should really believe someone
when they say that they did something
- It's rude to assume that she's lying.
(keys clacking)
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
- It's not gonna work though.
- We dismantled the nuke.
- We decided there's no room
in this world for nuclear weapons.
- Too violent.
- So instead Derek repurposed it
into clean nuclear energy
and now it powers an entire orphanage in Guatemala.
- I took an online class in chemistry and engineering
while I was following BTS on their tour through Europe.
- Oh my god, that was the best tour.
- J-Hope crushed it on that tour.
- They all did.
- Damn it, I wanted that missile.
- Damn it, we wanted that missile.
But on the bright side, Madam Prime Minister is,
they can no longer use the missile on us, right?
- You're right.
Okay, ladies.
- And Derek.
- He's 36. - I know.
- I'm 36.
- I know. - She knows, okay?
She knows.
- Okay. - Okay.
- If you're up for it, ladies and Derek, who's 36,
would you please
locate the missing ambassador, extract him,
and bring him to safety before the public-
- Found him.
- What?
- I found him.
He's being held on this compound right here.
- We have had specialized hackers on this for weeks,
how in tarnation did you?
- Well, first I found him on Snapchat
and I saw that his last known whereabouts
were a few miles outside of Ostashkov, Russia.
So I went and scrolled through all the videos
on our BTS fan page of anyone that lives in that area
and I saw that our friend Natasha-
- I love Natasha!
- She's the best. - Yeah, she's great.
- Accidentally filmed him while she was vlogging.
- Oh my God, you guys, I just saw that BTS
is coming to Russia to have a concert,
I am so excited.
I got VIP so hopefully I get to meet Jungkook.
- See?
That's him.
I just sent him an Uber, he should be here soon.
- That's great work, Paige.
- Uh, he's being held by a very violent militant group.
They're not just gonna let him leave in an Uber.
- Yeah, it's bad work, Paige.
They're not just gonna let him leave in an Uber.
- Well, that's why I sent an ice cream truck
to distract the guards.
- And we're back.
- That's such a good idea, Paige.
Everyone loves ice cream.
- That's
amazing.
- Oh no, it's really not that amazing or anything.
I'm sure anyone could've thought of that.
- No, that was so good.
- You did a great job.
- You are valid. - You did good science.
- Don't doubt yourself.
- Aw, thanks friends.
God, I forget to celebrate myself
but I'm so glad to have you all there to help remind me.
- It's just like I said, Madam Prime Minister.
The BTS army is one powerful army.
A-ten-hut!
(alarm blaring)
Oh damn.
That's our super secretive
- [All] Multiverse alarm.
- We know about it.
- How do you know about our-
- We know everything.
- She's right, right now there are alien cyborgs
entering our dimension.
They are bigger, they are faster.
They are more vicious than any other being
known in our universe.
If they are here for war, we stand no chance.
- We're on it.
- This is top secret.
The public cannot know about this alien invasion
or it will cause widespread panic.
- She said we're on it.
(BTS music continues)
- We did it. - Earth is safe.
- Yes.
- You defeated all the alien cyborgs?
- No, the aliens were just upset
you were keeping your relationship a secret.
So we invited them to a BTS concert,
took some sup' scoot selfies with them
and posted them on Tumblr
so now they feel heard and seen.
- Also it's pronounced cyborg, you weirdo.
(BTS music continues)
- Hot dog.
- Keeping your relationship secret is toxic.
- We see you. - You are loved.
- Now, is there anything you'd like to say
to your alien friend?
- I...
- Go on.
(emotional piano music)
- I'm sorry I kept you a secret.
- You should be thankful that their species is so forgiving.
- Ladies and Derek, who's 36,
you are all incredible.
Thank you so much for your service.
There must be something we can do to repay
each and every one of you.
- Yes, name anything and it's yours.
- [All] Stan BTS.
- That's it?
- Yep.
- Okay.
I stan
Jimin.
(cheering)
- Me too.
Always have.
- You know what that means?
- [All] Fan cam!
(BTS music)
- Why do we have party lights?
- We gotta end the sketch somehow.
Don't overthink it.
(BTS music continues)
(beeps)
- Oh my.
Oh my.
- [Cameraman] Cut (laughs).
(beeps)
- Madam Prime Minister, it is my utmost pleasure
to introduce to you the leaders of the BTS army.
(beeps)
- Sorry, I'm just gonna interject there, I'm 36.
(beeps)
- I am positive that most of them
are at least teen age and above.
- How do you know?
- I have vetted them.
- Excuse me?
- I have vetted them.
(beeps)
- I'm 36.
(beeps)
- You asked me to look into their backgrounds.
- Yeah, how long have you been researching these babies?
- Not that long, don't make it weird.
- You're making it weird.
- I'm not making it weird, ma'am, you are making it weird.
(beeps)
- She said we're on it.
- Grumpy that one.
- I don't like her.
- That one's grumpy.
- I do not like her.
- I took two Adderalls today.
(beeps)
- I'm 36.
(beeps)
- That's our super secret-
- [All] Multiverse alarm. - Sorry, I (bleeps) up.
One more time.
(beeps)
(laughter)
(beeps)
- I want that shirt.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah, their new song Dynamite is dynamite.
- I do not care. - Okay.
(beeps)
- I'm
30
six!
(beeps)
- She said we're on it.
- Back away from me.
I need you to think of me as the president.
- Well, you're not the president.
You're prime minister.
It's just a different title.
It's actually better, it's higher up.
- I don't care.
I need you to give me my space.
- Space. - Like I am the president.
- Right, there's a bubble.
Don't get past the bubble.
Stuck right here.
- I am just as big as the president.
- Can't get past this part, whabam!
And I'm stuck, you know what I'm saying?
It's like (grunts) and I'm stuck.
- Stop.
- Stopping, stopping immediately.
(beeps)
- Excuse me, Madam.
I'm 36.
(beeps)
- Thank you so much for watching.
Make sure to subscribe so you won't miss the vlog
of when I go to the concert.
I think I might wear my nice BTS sequin dress
that I made a while back.
Probably going to be very fun,
I hope I meet the love of my life there.
Everything has led up to this moment (laughs).