- Right now I want to show you some gifts
that you're gonna be happy that you're not getting.
These are some toys that I found on eBay,
and, uh, I've done this the last two years.
I'm always amazed at what I find.
These are, uh, real... uh, bad.
Real bad.
Real, real bad toys.
So let me start with the first one here
to show you what I've got.
This is available currently on eBay.
It is called "My Cleaning Trolley."
[laughter]
Now--and it says on here
"Everything you need to help Mom."
Seriously?
[laughter]
- Okay, so the first problem is it's sexist.
That's the first problem.
Second problem is I need two.
I have two nieces, and I have a big house, so--
[laughter]
I mean, look how happy she is
playing with that.
I don't know if they told her it was a different kind of toy,
or what they did, but she's excited.
All right, so there's also--
uh, there's a broom for boys.
Which is, uh, great, and this is called
"The Harry Potter Broom."
Okay, so this is a broom, and is simulates flying
by making whooshing sounds. Where is it here?
[electronic whooshing]
Yeah, so it-- and it vibrates.
So it's a whooshing sound and it vibrates
so you put it between your legs,
and you press this.
[laughter]
Merry Christmas.
[cheers and applause]
[electronic whooshing]
[cheers and applause]
- Timmy, why is your door locked, Timmy?
[laughter]
Timmy, are you playing with your broom again?
[laughter]
All right, so just to be clear, boys fly around with brooms
and girls clean up with them, okay?
Here's something else. Sometimes it's not the toy
so much as it's just the packaging.
Get ready.
[laughter]
Someone's been a very bad bear.
[laughter]
Okay...
let me read you the instructions.
Place ball in mouth-- yeah, I'm not gonna read it.
[laughter]
It comes with extra balls and a safe word.
That's all I know.
[laughter]
All right, and, uh,
it feels like toys use to be so much more innocent.
I found a toy-- this is from 40 years ago.
I don't know if anyone ever had this
or remembers it.
And this is Growing Up Skipper,
and you remember that? Okay.
[cheers and applause]
I don't know if you had this one or not.
This one says she's two dolls in one.
And what you do is, uh, you can make her grow
and uh--from, like, a young girl to a teenager
in just seconds.
If you can just watch her breasts.
[laughter]
You see the difference, right? Okay.
And then when she wants to be taken serious--
[laughter]
Then when she wants to be taken seriously,
you just put her back down again.
[laughter]
Somehow this is less creepy than that.
I don't know why.