Transcriber: Eunice Tan Reviewer: Tanya Cushman
A stranger named Donald Ward climbed in bed behind a young woman
who'd fallen asleep in her boyfriend's dorm room at Purdue University.
She thought that he was her boyfriend, and he engaged her in sex.
He admitted that he had tricked her,
to the police,
and they arrested him for rape.
The jury acquitted him
because in the State of Indiana, in the Midwestern United States,
rape by fraud or impersonation is not a crime.
In the State of Tennessee, it's a felony.
In the State of Alabama, it's a misdemeanor.
In the State of Delaware, it's not a crime.
In the State of Idaho, if he pretends to be your husband, it's a crime,
but not if he pretends to be your boyfriend.
This example shows how "chattel" -
the concept that your father or your husband owns your chastity
and you're their property -
is still with us in our laws today.
So why is this?
Why this confusion?
Just down the road,
what's legal in one place can be illegal in another.
Our laws are based on some pretty bizarre and outdated concepts about consent.
In ancient Rome,
rape was only a crime against a virgin daughter of a taxpaying citizen
because she was her father's chattel.
And rape was a crime actually against the father, not against her.
If she consented, that didn't matter.
If he raped a slave, that was no big deal.
And that concept survived in the United States
all the way through to the end of the Civil War,
when anti-slavery laws were created.
Today, we see slavery as morally shameful
because laws shape our morality.
And we need new laws on sexual assault
that can change our morality
the same way that anti-slavery laws did.
We've come two steps forward in the modern era.
The "It's On Us" pledge says,
"Non-consensual sex is a sexual assault."
The problem, unfortunately, with this is that that word "non-consensual" -
it doesn't tell us what consent really means.
Some states have adopted the Model Penal Code's consent provision,
and it says,
"Consent is ineffective if induced by force, duress or deception."
But, unfortunately, the word "ineffective" also tells us what consent is not;
it doesn't tell us what consent is.
So what's your definition of consent?
If "agreement" pops into your mind, you're in good company -
that's what most people think.
But there are many different types of agreement that can take place in sex,
but only consent has the weight
to make sexual conduct legal.
What distinguishes consent
is that it's freely given, knowledgeable, and informed agreement.
In our social media world,
I like to call that #FGKIA
for "Freely Given, Knowledgeable, and Informed Agreement."
Another type of agreement that often gets confused for consent
is assent.
And "assent" means "agreement on the face of it."
Larry Nassar, the doctor for the U.S. women's gymnastics team,
pretended that he was medically treating his patients
when he touched their private parts for his sexual pleasure.
His patients can only assent
because they weren't knowledgeable and informed.
In sexual conduct,
we have a name in legal language
for tricking the person into thinking "yes"
when their real interest is "no."
When you trick them about the action itself,
it's called "fraud in the factum."
When you trick them about the actor,
it's called "fraud in the inducement."
So Larry Nassar committed sexual assault by fraud in the factum,
and Donald Ward at Purdue University
committed sexual assault by fraud in the inducement.
Another type of agreement
that people confuse with consent
is acquiescence.
And "acquiescence" means "agreement under duress."
Harvey Weinstein was a very powerful producer.
And when he exposed himself
and demanded sexual favors,
the people who he preyed on -
they were concerned about their careers,
and they were in fear of what he could do to eliminate their career.
When someone induces sex through fear,
that person is not freely giving their agreement.
Also, when somebody muddles your brains with drugs or alcohol,
you don't have the clarity of mind
in order to be able to freely give knowledgeable and informed agreement.
So I've been talking to you about laws and definitions.
I've studied this for a long time
because, you see, when I was younger,
I was sexually assaulted.
And I was sexually assaulted by force, by duress, and by deception.
When I was 15,
my mother went away for the weekend,
and my father turned to me and said,
"Now that Mom's away, I need somebody to snuggle with me tonight."
When I was a little girl,
I used to love to jump in bed with my parents,
and I'd feel, you know, loved and comforted to cuddle with them.
But, you see,
I wasn't a little girl anymore - I was 15 years old.
So I did what I normally would do when I didn't want to obey my father:
I simply ignored him and hoped that he would forget.
So I went to bed in my own room, and I fell asleep.
He came into my room,
he shook my shoulder to wake me up,
and he said, "Come with me."
I followed him.
I got under the covers, and I went back to sleep.
In the middle of the night,
I woke up because I felt his arm fastening around my waist
and holding me tight
and his right hand was groping my breast.
I was stunned.
I froze.
When he let me go,
I ran down to the bathroom, I jumped into the shower,
and I curled up into the tiniest little ball
that I could make of myself
and just waited for the water to wash away the dirtiness
that I felt all the way to the core of my being,
and I cried.
Today, I understand that that sense of dirtiness is called "defilement"
and it undermines how you value yourself
and how you see yourself in the world around you.
So did I assent?
No, I agreed to go with him, but I had no idea what he was going to do.
And did I acquiese?
I froze.
But did I freely give him knowledgeable and informed agreement?
When I was 18,
I was a student at the University of Georgia,
and I was going out with a fellow who was a senior.
I knew he wasn't my "forever guy" even though we had a lot of fun.
So we had a talk about sex,
and I told him,
"Touch nothing below my waist."
I drew the line.
One night, I felt his fingers going into my panties.
I said, "No."
I yelled, "Stop!"
And I tried to break away from him.
But he was much stronger than I was,
and he pinned my arms behind me.
He wedged his legs between mine,
and he penetrated me.
Did I assent?
I had agreed to some of his actions but not all of them.
And did I acquiesce?
You know, after I tried to break away and I realized I couldn't,
I froze.
Today, I understand that
sometimes people react by simply freezing.
Your brain goes into autopilot
in order to protect you in the best way that it possibly can.
And no one should ever stand in judgment
over how you behave when you're sexually assaulted.
When I was 24,
I met a man who I thought was the love of my life.
He was tall, dark, and drop-dead gorgeous.
He was 32; he was divorced;
he had a bachelor's degree from NYU, in accounting;
and he had fought for our country in Vietnam.
I felt head-over-heels in love with him as we dated over the next year and a half.
And we were talking about marriage.
One night, he called me up and said,
"Honey, I have something to tell you:
I'm married."
Not only was he married, he was 26, not 32.
He wasn't my religion, which was a big deal to me.
He didn't have a bachelor's degree
in accounting -
in fact, he was a high school dropout.
And he hadn't fought in Vietnam -
he had fled the country to avoid the draft.
So did I assent?
You know, I assented based on all of the information that he gave me.
So on the face of it, I agreed.
But he was a complete stranger to me.
So did I freely give him knowledgeable and informed agreement?
Today, I understand
that when someone undermines your self-determination over your body
by any means -
by force, by duress, or by deception -
they're not seducing you.
They're sexually assaulting you.
You know, a lot of times people say, "Woah, wait a minute.
You know, rape, violent rape, and sexual assault by someone you know -
that's not the same thing."
But here's how it all relates.
Violent rape is the most heinous form
of sexual assault.
Violent rape and all violent crimes are considered aggravated crimes
under the law.
And there are violent crimes, and there are non-violent crimes,
and crimes can take place both ways.
For example, when someone steals your money by beating you up,
that's a violent crime,
and they're punished much more harshly
than a person that might pry open your school locker
or somebody that says, "Hey, I'm going to the restaurant.
If you give me $10, I'll go get you a burger and fries,"
when they have absolutely no interest in actually coming back with your lunch.
Stealing takes your property;
sexual assault defiles you;
justice heals.
And anyone who's sexually assaulted -
whether it be through violence from a stranger
or sexual assault from someone you know and trust,
whether it be through force, duress, or deception -
that victim deserves the healing and the validation
that justice provides.
"Me Too" and "Time's Up" have focused a glaring light on sexual assault,
but we need a solution.
And defining the meaning of consent in our laws is that solution.
The very first question the jurors in the Bill Cosby case
asked the judge was
"What's the meaning of consent?"
And because there's no definition of consent in Pennsylvania's laws,
all he could say was
"Use your common sense."
Do you think that a sexual predator should be able to use their common sense?
Or do you think that there should be a specific definition of consent
that guides their behavior and holds them accountable?
If you, your children -
if you believe that you, your children, and your children's children
have the right to determine who you're going to have sex with
and what type of sexual conduct that you're going to engage in,
then you can help.
You can contact your legislator and say,
"I want you to sign this language into law:
'Non-consensual sex is sexual assault,
and consent is freely given, knowledgeable, and informed agreement.'"
As I was struggling to recover from defilement,
I often would turn to writing poetry because it helped me to express my pain
and it helped me find my path out of that deep, dark, and lonely place
back into the light.
I've written a poem for you that I'd like to share with you -
I call it "My Consent."
My body’s not a token, not a prize.
Don’t defile me with coercion, force, or lies.
My body’s not yours to take; it’s mine to give.
My body’s not your entitlement; it’s where I live!
Don’t think consent’s a privilege;
it’s a must,
No matter how intensely you feel lust.
F-G-K-I-A, keep your rape mentality away.
F-G-K-I-A, sign it into law today.
Freely Given, Knowledgeable and Informed Agreement!
So, please, call your legislator,
tell them "F-G-K-I-A, sign it into law today."
Use your voice
to make !the world a safer place.
Thank you.
(Applause)