- I've never been a quiet person.
- I don't know if you knew you did this,
but your eyes are like closed.
- I'm going boop to my mom's, mom's butt.
- We'll set the scene, we are twins, obviously,
so we were around eight at the time
when this happened? - Sure.
- Something like this?
- I verify, we were eight.
- Okay, great.
(laughing)
We went to this like, museum place
that's like really popular.
So they've got this like, kids section
where you can run through a bunch of different parts in the,
just different kid activities that are in the museum.
They also have a boring section for the adults,
which is where they show like documentaries and things.
- So boring. - So boring.
So our parents were very excited about a whale documentary.
We were not so excited about that whale documentary.
So we decided that we were gonna go continue playing
on the play equipment and let our parents do that.
Now, Caryn did something that was so terrible
that I can't even remember it to this day.
(laughing)
But it was so bad that I was--
- It still has affected you to this day.
- I was so mad that I said, forget her.
So I decided, I was like, anything is better
than hanging out with my sister,
I'm gonna go watch this whale movie with my parents.
So I go back to go and watch this whale movie with my family
and I see my dad, very excited, I love my father.
I grab his hand, I'm holding onto it, kind of snuggling in.
I notice my father is having a conversation
with another man and that conversation stops.
I look up, notice this man is not my father
who I am holding hands with.
It is a random stranger who I have never met before,
and he is looking in horror down at me.
My little eight year old brain first is like,
you've got to get back to your sister, and second it's like,
you've got to get out of this situation.
What's the only way?
- What are you gonna do?
- Pretend to be blind. - Oh, no.
- My little eight year old brain
throws its little hands out in front of it
and I tried to like, walk away and pretend like
I can't like tell like, what objects are or things.
It was the dumbest thing ever and absolutely horrible.
(laughing)
- Not only is Connie, has her hands stretched out like this
in front of her, but she's like,
I don't know if you knew you did this,
but your eyes are like closed.
- Oh, yeah. - Like that's what
a blind person would be. - I was so dumb.
I was so dumb, like, oh,
I'm sorry to every blind person out there.
It's like, so horrible.
But that's where my brain went.
- But she's coming towards me like a zombie, almost.
Like reaching out, like my sister,
like I don't even know who you are.
And she's like, play along, and I'm like, oh babe, no.
And I'm laughing uncontrollably.
- Anyway, if you're one of those two men out there,
I'm sorry that I thought you were my father.
That was pretty embarrassing for all of us,
but a good laugh later. - Yeah.
- So this is my Disney butt story, and it goes as follows.
I went to Disney World for the first time when I was five,
and it was great, except I was super short
so I couldn't like, get on any rides.
So we're waiting for like, Neverland or something,
we're just waiting in line, and it's like this dark tunnel.
I'm there, I'm six, I'm like (bleep) level, right?
Like (bleep) height level.
Like my face is literally the height
of like someone's butt, I'm so short.
Which is fine, everyone starts out that way.
And so, I'm there with my mom and my cousin and my brother
and I'm standing behind someone,
and I just assume it's my mother
because she was in front of me at some point in this line.
Again, like butt's the first thing in front of me,
I'm like, boop to this person's butt
that I assume is my mom.
I'm going boop to my mom's, mom's butt.
Somebody turns around, looks at me, and it's like,
some grown man that I've never seen before in my life.
And so I like just boop this guy's (bleep),
this stranger's butt, I am six years old,
and he just turns around, looks at me
like he's gonna like, come after me
'cause I just touched his butt inappropriately.
Actually, I didn't touch his butt,
I literally whacked his (bleep) with my fists.
I like, punched his butt.
And so, he like whips around, he's like, what the hell?
And then I'm like, ah!
And I just, I just run away.
I go to my mom and I tell her what happens
and she just laughs, and I'm horrified.
And I will never forget it ever in my life.
- I was in middle school, and this girl, she's kinda rude,
but it's okay, she's a chill person, whatever.
I ignore the game and I just play on my Tamagotchi
like the baddie I am, right?
So then I like, look up, and you get a little whiff,
a little hint, a little hint of the stink.
And you know, everyone's just looking,
looking, looking, and then she like, covers her butt.
And I just started laughing.
To the point where the teacher is like,
what are you laughing at?
And you know, I didn't wanna be that person like,
oh that girl doo-doo herself.
No, that's like, rude.
So I was just more like, hey, like,
I don't know why I'm laughing, ha ha ha ha ha ha.
This is so funny.
Of course, the other students of course outed the poor girl.
Like, she doo-doo herself, so then I laughed really hard.
And then the teacher got mad at me
because I was the first one to laugh,
so maybe if I didn't look, the other people
wouldn't look, 'cause she doo-doo herself.
I really tried to like, be a homie
and just giggle to myself,
but I've never been a quiet person.
(casual guitar music)