FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS THE SCENE-STEALING BREAKOUT STAR OF
"GIRLS TRIP," AND IS ONE OF "VARIETY'S" "10 COMICS TO WATCH"
FOR 2017.
PLEASE WELCOME TIFFANY HADDISH.
♪ ( APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WOW!
WOW.
( APPLAUSE ) AMAZING.
>> I WAS GOING TO TRY TO DANCE THIS OUT.
>> Stephen: NO, THAT WAS PERFECT.
DANIEL CRAIG DID THE SAME THING WHEN HE CAME OUT HERE.
( LAUGHTER ) WELL, I'M NOT SURPRISED YOU'RE
DANCING.
YOU SHOULD BE VERY EXCITED.
WHAT A SUMMER.
>> IT HAS BEEN A REALLY AWESOME SUMMER.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE THE BREAKOUT STAR OF "GIRLS TRIP."
>> LIKE I GOT OUT OF JAIL OR SOMETHING.
>> Stephen: AND YOU GOT YOUR FIRST COMEDY SPECIAL COMING UP
ON...
>> FRIDAY, THE 18th.
>> Stephen: FRIDAY, 18th.
>> THE AUGUST.
>> Stephen: ON?
>> SHOWTIME.
YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT?
>> Stephen: IT SAYS SHOWTIME.
I WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO SAY IT.
>> YOU WANTED ME TO SAY IT.
I WANTED YOU TO SAY IT LIKE YOU'RE MY SPOKESPERSON.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A COMEDY SPECIAL COMING UP ON THE
18th ON SHOWTIME.
>> I DO.
IT'S CALL TIFFANY HADDISH.
SHE READY!
FROM HOOD TO THE HOLLYWOOD."
>> Stephen: YOU ALSO WERE IN A JAY-Z MUSIC VIDEO.
I CAN SHOW THE PEOPLE?
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
>> WE DID A REENACTMENT OF "FRIENDS."
AND ANY CHANCE I GET TO PLAY A WHITE WOMAN, I AM THERE, YOU
KNOW.
>> Stephen: WHO ARE YOU?
WHICH ONE ARE YOU HERE?
>> I'M PHOEBE.
I'M PHOEBE ON THERE.
SEE, I'M A WHITE WOMAN ON PAPER.
I'VE BEEN A WHITE WOMAN FOR THE LAST, LIKE, FIVE, 10 YEARS NOW.
>> Stephen: WAIT, HOLD ON A SECOND.
BECAUSE I'M WHITE IN ALMOST EVERY WAY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WHITE ON PAPER?"
THAT'S BEYOND ME.
>> SEVEN YEARS AGO, THE CENSUS CAME AROUND, AND THEY SHOWED UP
TO MY HOUSE AND THEY ASKED ME WHAT MY NATIONALITY WAS BECAUSE
THEY WERE COUNTING TO SEE HOW MANY BLACK PEOPLE WERE IN THE
NEIGHBORHOOD.
AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I'M AMERICAN."
HE WAS LIKE, "NO, WHAT'S YOUR RACE?"
I SAID, "SO ARE WE DOING THAT TODAY, BRINGING RACISM RIGHT TO
MY FRONT DOOR ON THIS DAY.
WHAT ARE YOU COLOR BLIND?" AND HE SAID, "YES."
AND I SAID, "THIS IS MY CHANCE.
AND I HAD A WHOLE CONVERSATION, LIKE 'GIRL THIS IS YOUR CHANCE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS YOUR CHANCE?
OBAMA SAID IT'S TIME FOR CHANGE.
YOU CAN BE WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE TODAY.
AND I SAID YOU'RE RIGHT I CAN BE WHATEVER I WANT TO BE.
AND I LOOKED AT HIM AND SAID I'M CAUCASIAN BECAUSE I GOT A CAR
AND I KNOW A LOT OF ASIANS, SO I JUST PUT THAT TOGETHER.
AND I WAS CAUCASIAN.
AND HE SAID OKAY AND CHECKED THE WHITE BOX, AND IT HAS BEEN
FANTASTIC.
>> Stephen: OKAY, HE CHECKED THE BOX ON THE CENSUS THING.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HOW HAS THAT AFFECTED YOUR LIFE, THOUGH?
>> OH, MY GOODNESS, A FEW DAYS LATER, MY CREDIT SCORE WENT UP
BY 300 POINTS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I GOT-- I GOT A BLACK CARD.
I GOT A MEXICAN HOUSEKEEPER NOW.
LIFE HAS BEEN REALLY AWESOME!
I'VE BEEN BOOKING ALL THESE TV ROLES BECAUSE OF AFFIRMATIVE
ACTION.
THEY NEED WHITE WOMEN TO PLAY BLACK WOMEN.
SO THAT'S ME!
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS.
MANY COMEDIANS HAVE TO STRUGGLE.
THEY TALK ABOUT THE STRUGGLE THEY HAD WHEN THEY'RE STARTING
OFF.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: YOU HAD AN EXTRAORDINARY LEVEL OF STRUGGLE.
YOU UNDERSTAND-- HOW LONG AGO WERE YOU DOING GIGS HOMELESS?
>> YEAH, I WAS LIVING IN MY GEO METRO, TWO-DOOR HATCHED BACK.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG ARE WE TALKING?
>> THIS WAS 2004, AND 2003.
I WAS VERY HOMELESS, AND I WAS THE TYPE OF CHICK THEY DIDN'T
WANT ANYBODY-- LIKE, I'M VERY PRIDEFULFUL.
SO I DIDN'T WANT ANYBODY TO KNOW I WAS HOMELESS SO I KEPT MY
NAILS DONE, AND MY HAIR DONE, AND HAD MY SUITCASES IN THE CAR
AND I WOULD COVER THEM UP IN WITH BLANKETS.
AND I WAS AT THE LAUGH FACTORY AND KEVIN HART WAS THERE AND HE
WAS LIKE, "YO,ATIVE, WHAT IS WITH ALL THIS STUFF IN YOUR CAR?
DO YOU LIVE IN THERE OR SOMETHING?"
I SAID, I'M BETWEEN HOUSES.
LEAVE ME ALONE."
HE WAS LIKE, "WHERE ARE YOU SLEEPING?"
I SAID,ING, BEVERLY HILLS.
I PARK ON THE STREETS ON BEVERLY HILLS."
HE SAID, "YOU'RE SLEEPING IN YOUR CAR?
YOU'RE AWE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
YOU COULD BE WITH ANY MAN."
I SAID, "LOOK, I SLEEP WITH PEOPLE TO HEEL THEM, NOT FOR A
ROOF OVER MY HEAD."
BECAUSE I GOT MAGICAL POWERS.
THIS IS-- THIS IS, YOU KNOW, WHERE LIFE COMES FROM.
IT HEELS.
AND SO, HE HAD A LONG CONVERSATION WITH ME, HE HAY
LONG CONVERSATION WITH ME -- >> Stephen: I THINK I HAVE A
TIFFANY HADDISH PROBLEM NOW.
WOW, YOU'RE AMAZING.
>> YOU NEED A HEALING?
YOU NEED A HEALING.
>> Stephen: NO, I'M GOOD.
I'M ALL HEALED.
YOU'RE AMAZING.
PLEASE GO ON.
>> SO HE-- WE HAD A CONVERSATION AND HE SAID, TIFFANY, YOU
SHOULDN'T BE SLEEPING IN YOUR CAR.
HERE IS $300, GET YOURSELF A HOTEL ROOM FOR A WEEK."
I WAS LIKE, "FOR A WEEK IN LOS ANGELES?
NOT GOING TO HAPPEN."
BUT HE GAVE ME THE MONEY AND SAID, "MAKE A LIST.
MAKE A LIST OF GOALS OF WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR LIFE.
MAKE A LIST AND WHEN YOU'RE SITTING IN THAT ROOM FIGURE OUT
HOW TO TACKLE THAT LIST."
I GOT ME A ROOM AT THE SNOOTY FOX.
IT WAS BY THE HOUR, AND I GOT MYSELF THREE HOURS' WORTH OF
ROOM.
I TOOK A SHOWER AND STARTED WRITING OUT MY LIST.
AND I WROTE I WANT TO GET MY OWN PLACE ONE DAY, WORK WITH JADA
PINKETT SMITH, AND SIT ACROSS FROM YOU ONE DAY AND YOU GOOGLY
EYE ME LIKE THAT.
I ALSO WROTE ON THAT LIST-- I ALSO WROTE THAT-- YES!
I ALSO WROTE THAT, YOU KNOW, BRAD PITT WOULD START ASKING ME
TO DINNER ALL THE TIME, SO MUCH WHERE I'M LIKE, "LOOK, BRAD, I'M
BUSY PEP I CAN'T."
>> Stephen: HE'S FREE NOW.
HE'S FREE NOW.
>> I KNOW, I KNOW!
HE WAS FREE THEN, AND NOW HE'S FREE NOW.
WELL, HE WAS IN A MIX-- ANYWAY.
ALSO, ALSO, I WROTE ON THERE THATIMENT TO GET PREGNANT BY
LEONARDO DICAPRIO.
>> Stephen: UH-HUH...
>> AND I'LL HAVE MY A BIG, OLD HOUSE AND THAT I GET MY OWN TWO
STREETS.
I WANT MY OWN TWO STREETS.
LIKE THAT INTERSECT.
ONE CALLED TIFFANY, AND ONE CALLED HADDISH AND I'LL START
YOUTH CENTER CENTERS AND PEOPLE LIKE, "WHERE YOU LEARN HOW TO DO
THAT?
"I LEARNED THAT ON TIFFANY AND HADDISH."
>> Stephen: THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
CONGRATULATIONS.
WHAT A JOY JUST TO SIT NEXT TO YOU.
>> WELL, YOU KNOW IT'S EVEN MORE OF A JOY IF YOU GET TO KNOW ME
BETTER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: PLEASE READ THE NAME OF YOUR SPECIAL?
>> IT'S CALLED "SHE READY!
FROM THE HOOD TO HOLLYWOOD!."
IT'S ON SHOWTIME ON FRIDAY, STARRING TIFFANY HADDISH.
EVERYBODY, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE PERFORMANCE FROM
BLACKBERRY SMOKE!