relationships are really hard like it
really broke my heart like it's horrible
eh you know it's just like cuz there's
so many things that you learn in a
religious Peschel ii when you really
love is that like i mean i remember guys
tell me if this ever happened to you
like you'd be in the bed right here with
your girl you're sleeping and all of a
sudden blue Wow and she'd be like I just
had a dream when you were sleeping with
another woman and you'd be like so she
be like explain yourself now anybody
else in the world any other human being
you'd be like oh that person has mild
schizophrenia right but because she's
your girl and you love her you'll be
like oh well you know me
that's all you can sing and you ain't no
dude in the world can get away with that
jump no do [ __ ] dudes if your friend
came up to you you look at him like he
was crazy be like hey man I had a dream
with you were mean to me stepped on my
foot you ain't saying nothing also you
were holding the baby and the baby had a
very old face
and my teeth fell out and my feet went
heavy and my father was there I did not
see him but I knew he was there
[ __ ] your ways
I'm so like women like when I started
listening to him like really listening
one wants to break up happen listening
of the women like I realized like every
man every man in this room has a crazy
woman's story you know like every man is
just like another Christine Christine
was crazy
Christine is so crazy I had my new girl
Christine Christine was crazy right
Christine was crazy uh memories you know
and you know every dude in here has that
story and I was like why don't women
have crazy men stories like why don't
women have crazy men stores I don't
really hear and then I realized I was
like oh it's because if you got a crazy
boyfriend you gonna die
just something about men the second day
realize they crazies like to kill
everything and you can hear it crazy you
can hear a crazy like a man's story but
they're not fun like crazy women's
stories at all like that was just like
Oh Charlie Charlie was so crazy used to
come over shoot my dog and it was dead
the first time but he can't shoot me in
there then I moved to Florida he found
me now I'm in this wheelchair I'm gonna
say some outlandish stuff I heard some
of those boos and I are there like I was
like poor made-up lady
poor lady that donal mater can't get up
for ten steps because she's in a pretend
wheelchair that's what that is that's
all about imagination and stuff like
that cuz I'm a very imaginative like in
a foster home like my parents were
foster parents and we had a lot of
foster kids and kids like go crazy it's
all about imagination and stuff like
that like they're all they're very
emotional beings you know kids I
remember you guys from you guys remember
when the lights would go out and you're
in your in your school remember that
like in the third grade like it'll
lights go out
[Applause]
kids just lose it it wasn't even dark
like 2 p.m. sunlight coming through the
window just like losing their minds in
the same Chuck what happened when there
was a fire drill and the principal would
come on and tell you there was gonna be
a fry drill like in two minutes it's
gonna be a fire drill craziness
kids aren't thinking we had a man we had
a teacher named mr. Brown right
we had a teacher named mr. Brown and he
was writing something on the board once
he was writing some on the boy and he
farted and you would have thought kids
had seen the face of God
kids weren't even laughing they were
just sitting at Allah just like
screaming just screaming
kids were screaming and cried like kids
etiquette and parted out and they were
going to like the nurse's office kids
are crying in the hallway this is like
oh this is our 911 and it was it was
their 911 cuz they never thought
anything like that could ever happen
kids were all not always giving
interviews they're like oh my god I
remember because I was talking to
Bertram Harris and he said if my hand
was bigger than my face then I had AIDS
so I put my hand around my face and then
he slammed it was a very funny joke with
it all of a sudden we heard this sound
from the front of the room mr. Brown and
then Johnny C rights to the petite mr.
Brown Brown dispatch
and that was even funnier my heart goes
out to the parents of the children who
smelt the fart because that's even
funnier than hearing it
[Applause]