♪♪
Aaron:
[screams]
[magical flourish]
Oh my gosh!
Am I dead?
Have I always looked that bad in those pants?
Aaron Fielding!
You're dead.
You look really bad in those pants.
Come on, I'm here for your soul.
What?
No, there must be some mistake.
I thought so too,
but it turns out redheads do, in fact, have them.
No, no, I mean, why am I going with you
instead of going to heaven?
Don't blame me.
This is just the results of the coin toss.
Is that pizza fresh?
I don't care.
Coin toss?
Yeah.
It's when two people flip a coin
and they guess whether it's heads or--
I know what a coin toss is, I--
Okay, good, because I was about to be like,
"You dumb."
My eternal judgment was decided by a coin toss?
Yeah, well, sometimes it's difficult to know
where to put someone when they die.
This is terrible, by the way.
So, I was right on the line between good and evil--
No, nobody wanted you.
But you said there was a coin toss.
Yeah.
And I lost.
You think I'm here because I want your soul?
Trust me, this is more my punishment than yours.
Am I that bad?
No, I love bad.
Bad is like my whole thing.
If you were bad, I'd be doing cartwheels right now.
You're not bad; you're boring.
You are the most blah human being.
Oh my goodness.
Is this a Velcro wallet?
Is Velcro boring?
I wish you could die twice.
I-- I thought I lived a pretty good life.
I didn't steal or lie.
I know.
You were a constant disappointment to me.
But that's good, right?
It's not like I killed anybody.
Oh, you didn't kill anyone?
Well, let's get you a seat in heaven
next to Mother Teresa.
You know, when people talk about her accomplishments,
they usually don't mention how many people she didn't kill.
"Look at all these people Mother Teresa didn't kill!
What a saint!"
They talk about how many she helped.
I help people.
Who?
Point taken.
Yeah.
It's time to go.
You have done nothing, good or bad, with your life.
You went to work, you came home,
you watched Netflix,
and you mostly ate microwavable chimichangas,
which I personally think should be a sin,
but I digress.
I paid my taxes.
Hitler paid his taxes, Aaron.
It's not exactly the demarcation line
between good and evil.
My dog!
He proves that I'm good.
I bought him from a rescue shelter
instead of a breeder.
Because you're poor?
Yeah.
I can't believe this.
Nobody wants my soul?
Why would they?
You're a fence-sitter, Aaron.
You are room temperature Coca-Cola.
You are the plain yogurt of people.
I like plain yogurt.
I know.
Because you're the worst.
I kind of wish redheads didn't have souls.
Yeah, you guys were a lot more interesting
when I thought that.
What if you didn't take me?
What if...
...you let me return to my body
and give life another try?
Mmm.
Ordinarily, second chances aren't really my domain,
but I do hate you.
All right, fine.
You can go back to your body, but please remember, Aaron,
good isn't just the absence of bad.
It's also the presence of good.
You want me to be good so you don't
have to see me again?
Yeah.
Good luck, ya human rice cake.
[magical flourish]
I'm alive!
From now on, I will fill my life
with good works and--
[bell dings]
Ooh, my chimis.
Hey guys, thanks for watching that video.
Share, comment, subscribe.
Did I do that okay?
Not really.
Okay.
Well, actually, "okay"
is how I would describe everything you do.
Okay!
But not as happy as that.
Okay.
Yeah.