Today's main course...
Is burnt.
Let's talk about that.
( music playing )
Good mythical morning!
Today we are playing a game with the craziest headlines from this week
and watching Link eat peanut butter, yes,
but first, I've been the recipient of quite a lot of sick burns
on the internet, such as, "Rhett is so gross and smelly,
he should change his name to Sweat.
Or, "Rhett has lost so much money in bitcoin,
he should change his name to Debt.
Or, "Rhett will die young because he's too tall.
Oh.
But devastating insults aside,
we're gonna be working with a different kind of burn today,
- burnt food. - Mm.
Now we've eaten a lot of stuff on this show,
but this is the crispiest taste test
we have ever participated in.
It's time for...
Let's give a good mythical welcome to "Top Chef's" top dog,
the queen of all things culinary,
purveyor of her brand-new M.A.C. capsule makeup collection
that comes out March 15th...
- Hello. - Whoo, whoo, whoo!
- Welcome to the show. - Hi.
- Thanks for having me. - Oh, yeah.
I've never been on this show, I'm excited.
We've been on it. It's great.
But we're doing something that we've never done before.
We've eaten a lot of weird stuff,
but we've never eaten just burnt stuff.
- Mm-hmm. - We're really stretching.
When I eat it, I'm not doing it on purpose,
but today I will.
I think all this stuff that we're gonna be eating
has been very purposely and very thoroughly burnt.
- Uh-huh. - So this is what's gonna happen,
every round, we're gonna have a little dish in front of us
- with some very burnt food on it. - Okay. Okay.
And we're just trying to guess what it is,
but because you're our guest,
we're gonna give you the option to have a lifeline,
you're going to be able to call on the help of the sexy fireman.
- ( imitates cat screech ) - When he's not busy putting out fires
or making out with people's wives,
he's giving you a clever tip about your burnt food.
Okay, great.
All right, whoever wins,
gets labeled "The Crispy Queen,"
and will be awarded the Sash of Ash,
a glorious burnt toast regalia.
And here it is, a burnt nugget of something.
Oh, you're-- Padma's already-- ooh, she just...
she's just eating it!
Oh, my gosh.
I don't know.
I was like, "I don't know how far that's gonna go."
Well, I know what it is, can I say it?
No. This one's relatively easy, is it not?
( gags )
Stevie:
- Yeah. - Yes.
Three, two, one.
- You said "rice." -
I mean, it is rice.
- It is rice! - But there's other things.
Yeah, but rice is the main component, I call ( bleep ).
- So what is it. - And it's not technically sushi...
- What sushi has peas in it? - it's California roll, right?
No, it's a tuna roll.
- Tuna roll. - ( coughing )
Do you want me to take back your point, Rhett?
No, no, no, no, give us all a point.
Okay, this one has a garnish that is not burnt.
Hold on, wait, hold on, you attack these.
Hey, she's a professional, man.
If she wants to just start eating,
let her start eating!
You're so hungry.
Can I go?
- Yeah. - Okay.
Ugh, it stinks.
Ugh!
- Oh. - What is that?
( stammers )
Wait, Rhett, see we haven't even...
It's really salty.
Okay, can I guess?
( laughter )
We wanna play too.
Okay, I'm...
Hold on, you're eating the garnish as well?
The garnish is the least of his worries
right now.
Rhett: That's too much.
- You ate too much. - Ooh, it is salty.
- You made a mistake. - Mm-hmm.
It's kinda hard to-- it could be so many different things.
Ugh, the burnt-ness is just repulsive.
But then it gets better.
If you would've kept it in your mouth a little bit...
- That's like saying... - ...it would've gotten better.
I'm just saying, it's still in my mouth.
That's like saying the Mojave Desert
is less hot than Hell,
it's just a matter of degrees.
Okay, I got a guess, let's do this.
- All right. -
I don't have a guess.
- Fish! -
Bacon fat, that's true, bacon.
You're all incorrect.
- Okay. - Ugh.
You wanna try one more time?
It's very-- ugh.
It is very fatty.
Oh, you're so close.
Oh, gosh.
It's not fat?
Is that not specific enough?
It's mayo.
That's not pork.
- Rhett and Link: What? - It's burnt mayo, really?
This is just mayonnaise?
Oh, wow, this one has a strong fragrance.
Oh, I think I know what this is.
Ooh, it actually smells good.
You're trying it again already.
- Can I try it? - I'm just following your lead.
- Okay. - On this show,
we typically like to dink it
and sink things.
- Dink! - So dink it...
- Pinkies up or pinkies down? - Oh, good idea.
- Pinkies up. - Yeah.
Making it classy for once.
Okay.
( gags ) I think I know what this is,
but I just need a little bit of help, poor me.
Can I have the sexy fireman?
- Good idea. - That could be arranged.
Bring in the sexy fireman.
( music playing )
Where's the fire?
- Wow! - Where's the fire?
Okay.
What month are you in the calendar?
I'm all the months. Where's the fire?
Well, I don't know about the fire, fireman,
but this is really hot, so can you try it?
Link: Oh, he gets to try it. ( chuckles )
If it's slippery, it's East Coast style,
if it's crispy, it's Hong Kong style,
and if it's just right, it's my style.
( music playing )
- What? - He was not helpful at all.
Are you talking about the food or something else?
I don't know.
If I set the plate on fire,
then he might've jumped to action.
"If it's slippery"?
What did you say?
No, oh! Sexy fireman only gives us one hint.
- He said something about slippery and crunchy. - He's back, though.
Where's the fire?
The fire's on my plate, sir.
If it's slippery, it's East Coast style,
if it's crispy, it's Hong Kong style...
Hong Kong.
...and if it's just right,
that's my style.
I like the pause...
- Yeah. - ...for "my style."
Pregnant pause is good.
Stevie:
- East Coast, Hong Kong. - Hold on, hold on.
"East Coast"? What?
I think I got this one in the bag.
I'm ready.
Three, two, one.
Oh... I didn't hear it.
I said "ramen," you said "squid"?
Bird's nest... noodles.
- "Bird's nest noodles"? -
-
...chow mein.
- It's what? - Chow mein.
- Low mein. - There's an East Coast style to chow mein?
I actually believe the sexy fireman
switched the East and West Coasts,
but you guys still didn't get it, so...
- Didn't matter. - Wait, wait, wait, wait,
Chow mein is made of noodles.
Yeah, that's true.
And I said "noodles."
Rice and sushi.
I think I get the point.
All right, we'll give you the point.
Yay.
Okay, so this one we've got three little nuggets...
- Mm-hmm. - ...per plate.
Wait, I have to touch up my lipstick
because this is having a hard effect.
Look at all the brown, oh, my God.
You don't want a lot of burnt,
burnt residue on the lips, I get it.
Luckily, I design a makeup line for it.
Available when?
- Available March 15th. - 15th.
- That's right. - That's right, worldwide.
- Online and in stores. - Do you mind hitting me up?
You need it too, actually.
This is a beautiful-- go like this.
Okay.
This line is actually made for darker,
you know, like people who aren't white,
but it looks good
on people who are white too,
that's the beauty of this,
which is why it's really good for you
because it's translucent.
But look at how beautiful,
- look at that. - Rhett: Oh, wow.
Don't you wanna just kiss that pout?
Nefertiti.
Not really.
It's great.
It looks beautiful on you.
I didn't think about it,
but it would look-- it does, you know,
I keep saying it looks good on everybody, but now...
( laughter )
I've been over here waiting for it a long time.
Put your lips normally and just stretch 'em a little bit.
There you go.
See, now you know why women make all those weird faces
when they're doing their makeup in the mirror.
( laughter )
And that, my friends, is how you put on lip gloss.
- Wow. - Look at that.
We're all Nefertiti.
You guys look like you're ready for the club.
Triple Nefertiti.
I'm so hungry for some more burnt-ness now.
Oh, yes, okay.
- Okay. - Now...
Just listen, listen to how burnt it is.
Oh, I was about to say, "How you gon' do that?"
Oh, okay.
So fierce, you're like a ravenous tiger.
Oh, she's getting a cross-section here.
If I had my glasses, I could see better.
It's definitely meat, huh?
It's obviously a meat.
This one's not that bad.
Sorry.
I get a massage too?
- Um... - Wow.
- Okay, I know. I think I know. - You know what kind of meat this is?
I mean, I want to take a guess,
but I don't want him to figure it out.
I mean, I'm ready to guess.
- Stevie:
Three, two, one.
- What did you say? - I said pork.
Okay, it is chicken, so...
- Yay! - Yes!
I'm gonna give you a point,
but can you guess
what kind of chicken it is?
White meat chicken.
-
A feathered chicken, what?
It's Chicken McNuggets.
Now this one is in pieces.
Oh, my goodness.
That's rosemary, I know that.
That'll be a good palate cleanser.
So, I mean, this is like just little nuggets.
Well, not nug-- ooh, what?
It could be anything, that frickin' stuff
in the second round was mayo.
Yeah, that one was hard.
So charred.
- So... hard to eat. - This is hard.
Oh.
I need my microscope.
I would just like some glasses, I mean...
Oh, you want like a...
you want some glasses?
Padma: Are those readers?
No, they're just for looks.
Oh, ( bleep ), no, no, I have the opposite sight.
I figured it out,
you gotta get your eyeball like three inches from it.
Padma: Did they chop it or...?
I think--
I have a guess based on
the configuration of it.
It has a funnel cake on a miniaturized scale...
- Quality? - ...kinda configuration,
but it's meat.
Stevie:
I think fireman has something.
- Oh. - Where's the fire?
Thank you, sexy fireman.
- Oh, sexy fireman got reading glasses. - ( gasps ) Yay!
Oh, this is total game-changer, hold on.
Why don't you give us a hint while you were giving her the glasses?
( music playing )
Where's the fire?
There is no fire, do you understand the premise of this?
Cooking this on "Top Chef" is a bad idea.
It is a bad idea.
But saying yes to dinner with me,
that's a good idea.
Well, you give me the answer...
you give me the answer to this question,
you may get your wish.
Listen, if you get a date with her,
you don't get paid, you don't get both.
( laughter )
That's right, you have to choose.
- Stevie:
- Yes. -
- I think it's... ground beef. - I think it's grubs.
Incorrect.
I don't even know how to give you a hint
beyond what the sexy fireman just hinted,
so it's mushroom risotto.
Oh, I said fried rice
and risotto is made with rice.
You can't get that one.
- You're already in the lead! - You're already in the lead!
Oh.
Little slice of heaven.
Well, I hope it's not meat.
But burnt like hell.
- Rhett: Oh, I can't even... - Link: Oh, you're...
It actually looks good when you eat it.
How do you not...?
Let me try it.
Oh, man.
That is spongy.
How did you get through that?
I've eaten a lot of ( bleep ) in my time.
I have a lot of experience.
This has got a consistency
of inedibility.
- It's pretty inedible. - It's so spongy.
- Very porous. -
this is the final round of a GMM episode,
so keep that in mind.
- Oh, uh-oh. - Okay.
What she's saying is it's gonna be really gross.
- Okay. - 'Cause this is the final round
and, for the final rounds of stuff,
- we don't go... - Oh, I see.
we don't go cute, we go nasty.
So go for the nastier guess.
Yeah.
The nastiest guess you could think of.
I think it's... I think it's something from like a
sponge mop.
There's no way I can win, who am I kidding?
But I do have a guess.
All right, here we go.
- It's horrible! -
It's a hoof!
Think lower.
Those were three guesses.
I said a hoof,
it don't get any lower than a hoof.
Think nastier.
Fish anus or pork anus.
- It's got... - Pork anus tastes way better than this I'm sure.
- Anything pork tastes better. -
but they're Rocky Mountain oysters.
- Oh, my God! - Oh, it's testicles!
Really? I can't believe I missed that.
It's a testicle.
Oh, now I'm pulling it apart, and I continue to look at it.
Why?
- Ugh. - Get it out of here.
- Gosh. - Okay, well, I think we have our winner.
First of all, we're all losers.
- But... - Sorry.
- ...Padma... - it was empty mostly.
This is...
Padma is officially our Crispy Queen!
But you have this.
Oh, really?
Oh, yay!
- I get a crown. - Congratulations, Padmé.
- This is awesome. - Oh, wow.
Crown and a sash.
- You have the Sash of Ash. - Hold on, hold on.
- Oh, my goodness. - Oh, my God,
this is gonna go right...
next to...
Oh, wow.
- The Crispy Queen. - Link: All right.
I expect you to be wearing this tonight
on the "Top Chef" finale.
- Yes. - Thank you, Padma, for being here.
Her new M.A.C. capsule makeup collection
comes out March 15th, y'all.
- Thank you. - And click through to see
Link eat some peanut butter.
Trust me, it's worth it.
And painful.
Rhett:
because we've got some hot news.
Our new T-shirt collection is available at mythical.store.