The army released a report
saying that Hollywood movies
were making people afraid of artificial intelligence
or, as I call it, A.I.
And, uh, by the way, they're terrifying.
What's not to be afraid of?
I mean, everything that's turning A.I.
in the movies scares me,
and it feels like that's what's happening.
Oh, it's really... It starts with Alexa.
-I don't trust Alexa. -SPADE: No.
No. At all. And I don't like her talking back to me.
And I wish they made a Fleshlight attachment for Alexa
so I can shut her up the way I want to.
(laughter)
-True. -Alexa will be able to sue you soon.
Because when you say "Hey, bitch,
-I said play Led Zeppelin." -KREISCHER: (laughs) What?
And then it's gonna turn out later like, "What did you say?"
"I didn't say that." It's all recorded.
It's really a bad scene.
I never say that to Alexa, though.
Go ahead. For comedic purposes, I do.
You know, I personally can't wait for robots, you know?
Like, they're... they're just not...
Men are too sensitive for me, you know?
Like, robots can't get their feelings hurt, you know?
Like, a robot's not gonna get mad or insecure
when I make more money than him, right? Or...
SPADE: That's true. Yeah.
Or when I... You know what I'm saying?
(cheering and applause)
-Meanwhile... -Everybody laugh at another robot's joke.
You know, nothing. You know?
Come home smelling like another robot.
Can't say shit.
It is... it is sad, though, that the military's
not gonna let in gay robots or Transformers, though.
Oh, Transformers. Good one.
-Transformers. -I like that.
I... Robots are supposed to be so smart.
All these electronic things.
Meanwhile, I got in a car accident
on Sunset by the B.H. Hotel,
and I was like... It was a bad one.
I was like this. (imitating horn honking)
On the... on the horn.
And then, like, ten seconds later,
"You have been in an accident."
I go, "No shit, OnStar. Thanks for the (bleep) hot takes."
What was Cardi B's husband doing in the car with you?
Onset. That's his brother.
(laughter)
-Anyway... -I've been sitting on that joke all night.
SPADE: Oh, you have? I love it.
It's all right.
Harvard Medical School...
You haven't heard about... You know about Harvard.
-THOMPSON: Yeah. -Uh, those researchers
are creating a dating app
that matches people based on their DNA.
It's called 23andMeSoHorny.
So, the point of the app is
to let people know if they're related before they date.
Guys, do you agree?
Or do we need one more reason not to get laid?
Can we keep it a secret?
I mean, some of the mystery--
It's fun to have mystery.
You know who was really into this idea?
-Hitler. -No, wait...
It is really called eugenics.
-Oh, it is? -That's, like, a real word for this, yeah.
(laughs) I can't believe they--
You know, and, wait, didn't Jeffrey Epstein fund this?
-(gasping) -I think he really did.
He actually really did. Hey, how 'bout you guys
-read a little bit, too? Okay? -Yeah.
-Instead of being what's wrong with our country, -Yes.
-where I say it, some people are, "Whoa! -Yeah.
"Cancel this white guy!
-That's enough out of him!" -They turn on you
-like a bunch of... -I actually didn't read about the Jeffrey--
-I just heard it. -...(bleep) rabid wolverines.
Jeffrey Epstein liked young girls.
He's actually going back to DNA.
He likes 'em super young.
God. (laughs)
Hey. Teal it up.
-Go ahead. -I mean, this app is cool.
But, like, what about an app that weeds out
and lets you know what guys still sleep on air mattresses?
Or... (laughs)
Or, like, what guy's thinking about growing a soul patch?
Like, that's what I want to know.
Guy who wants to wear a fedora.
Let me know about those-- Weed-weed those guys out.
-All the fedora guys are bumming out. Yeah. -Yeah.
"Uh..."
My wife, uh, almost dated one of her cousins.
-Oh. Do tell. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -The plot thickens.
They were dating. And she grew up in the South, obviously.
And so sh-- Town of 1,200.
And she said, uh, they went to a family reunion
and they were starting to date and she saw him there
and was like, "I guess this is over."
Yeah. On our wedding certificate-- I swear to God--
on our marriage certificate-- we got married in Bowdon, Georgia--
and it was: first question, name;
second question, occupation;
third question, are you blood relatives?
Swear to God. I said to the lady, I go,
"What do I put for three?" She goes,
"Well, is ya?"
I go, "Yeah, I don't think we is."