-Thank you. Thank you, guys.
I'm so happy to be back in New York.
Thank you so much.
[ Cheers and applause ] Yeah. Mm!
This is actually my second time on "The Tonight Show."
My first time on "The Tonight Show,"
I came out to my parents.
[ Laughter ]
That was kind of their reaction, too.
It was interesting, though.
Like, my parents reacted two different ways.
Like, my dad saw it, and he was like, "Oh, my God.
I can't believe my son is gay.
I could have a stroke. I could have a heart attack."
And I was like, "You're being such a queen right now."
[ Laughter ]
"This is kind of my moment," you know.
My mom was different, though.
My mom saw the set, and she immediately texted me
and was like, "I love my gay son."
[ Laughter ]
And then she started saying stuff like,
"I don't know, maybe I'm gay." [ Chuckles smugly ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
"I think everyone's a little gay, I don't know."
And I have two younger brothers, Javaughn and Javeigh.
We couldn't afford other letters.
[ Laughter ]
[ Chuckling ]
And my younger brother Javaughn actually came out to me as bi
not too long after the set, and I was shocked,
because, like, another person stealing my moment.
[ Laughter ]
But also, like, I'm gay, my younger brother is bi,
and my youngest brother is straight.
So my mom's womb was basically a gay dance club
that became a Foot Locker.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Chuckling ]
But it was really interesting.
Like, the whole thing brought me closer to my family,
a lot closer to my culture.
I'm Jamaican, and, like, afterwards,
I learned that Bob Marley was biracial,
which was wild.
That kind of blew my mind,
because, like, he loved reggae so much
that I thought he was just white, you know?
[ Laughter and applause ]
I don't know.
[ Chuckles ]
But other than that, like, not much has changed.
Like, I'm still living in L.A., still don't drive,
so I take a lot of ride shares, right?
For the first time the other day,
I had a driver that had a 3.8 rating.
Like, are you murdering people?
[ Laughter ]
I got out of the car, like, zig-zagging to my apartment
just in case he turned around and just...
[ Imitates blow dart, chuckles ]
Just, like, blow-darts me, you know.
Takes my phone, gives himself five stars.
[ Chuckling ]
I've also been trying to get in shape, too,
just because L.A. isn't a city like New York,
where, like, in New York,
you can get exercise just from walking around
and sweating out half your body weight on the subway.
But... [ Chuckles ]
L.A. is a city where, like, you're in a car,
you're in a building, you're in a car,
you're in another building, you're in another building,
in another car, until one day,
someone saw a monster-truck tire and was like, "Enough!"
[ Laughter ]
And that's how CrossFit was invented, you know?
[ Cheers and applause ]
He was like, "That felt pretty good.
I think I'll make that my personality."
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
But I was like, "Okay, if I work out,
I gotta do something gentle, gotta start off easy.
I'm gonna do yoga," right?
'Cause I thought yoga was just laying on the ground
for 45 minutes.
And then, halfway through the first class,
I'm just, like, on the ground, just shaking.
And the instructor comes up to me like,
"You can give up or you can try."
[ Chuckles ] I was like, "Oh, my God.
I feel so attacked by this dude
in a Spiritual Gangster crop top...
trying to gentrify my muscles," you know.
But then I was like, "You know what,
any exercise I do is gonna be difficult.
It's exercise, that's the point.
I'm just gonna go all the way. I'm gonna take an MMA class.
I'm gonna learn how to fight."
First class, I knew it was a mistake,
'cause I walk in and I see the instructor
just, like, full-on sprinting on the treadmill,
no headphones in.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Like, any hearing person at the gym with no headphones
is training to avenge someone's death.
It's the only reason.
I did learn one cool thing, though, in this class.
I learned that if you're getting choked standing up,
right, choked like this, what you gotta do
is you gotta twist your body, drop your elbow,
and then you can get out of the hold safe, right.
But the instructor was like,
"You know, sometimes, you're in the middle of a fight,
you don't have time to do all that choreo.
You gotta do whatever it takes to get out of that hold."
And I was like, "Okay, got you."
My partner put his hand around my throat,
and I went, "Oh, Daddy!"
[ Cheers and applause ]
And he let go! And he let go.
Sometimes love wins is basically what I'm trying to say.
All right, thank you, guys.
You guys have been so much fun! Thank you!
-Oh, my goodness! Look at that!
Good for you, man. -Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Jaboukie Young-White!
Follow him on Twitter @jaboukie.