All right, this one is from Cris, without an H. I like that spelling different. Alright,
he says, "Hi Tripp. I've recently gotten into listening to your podcast and I got to say that
I love it and have definitely seen some results. And I've been on sort of a binge lately with it.
Here's my situation. I've been told by numerous girls that I'm amazing to talk to in person,
but when it comes to texting, I'm a brick wall. Almost word for word what they say.
I've listened to several of your episodes where you mention that texting should only be used as
a tool to set up dates. But now I'm in a bit of a rut with more and more of these girls wanting
for me to text them here and there. I've actually lost contact with two girls after
they've reached out to me or vice versa over text to get a text conversation going,
but I find it hard to either set up a date with them for whatever reason, such as scheduling or
me.... a-ha bingo... or me trying not to text them too much to the point where they lose interest.
Sometimes I may end up texting them back about 12 hours after they text me if I remember to.
My question is, how can I continue to maintain attraction with some of these
girls that I'm seeing over text? Should I just get better at texting and increase my text game?
Or should I filter these girls out who need a lot more attention than others over text before
meetup? Thank you for your time and reading my question. Keep up the amazing work. You're helping
lots of men like me out there, Cris." Alright Cris, you answered part of your question here.
I get this question a lot. It is a polarizing... I should say I have a polarizing answer that a
lot of men cannot handle and I understand why. I'm very understanding and empathetic towards
how hard it is to take the advice that I give about texting women. Let me give the advice and
then we'll dive into Cris's situation, which might be a little bit of a repeat of the answer here.
The advice that I give, which Cris, you know, is when you're texting, you only want to text to set
up dates. You only want to text to set up dates. And the in between texting, you want to limit it.
You want to limit it. Now I have some rules for that, which we'll go into in a second, but you
want to limit it and you don't want to be texting too much. The reason why I like to give the advice
in such a hard core way of do not be texting at all in between dates, is because I know that
you're going to screw up. Because you're human. I know that you're still going to text a little bit.
But if I start telling you "Yeah, you can text once a day" you're going to blow that
out of proportion and then you're going to lose the girl and I don't want you to lose the girl.
Will you for sure lose the girl? Of course not. Will it increase your chances?
Absolutely. Why? Because texting is not an actual way to connect with someone
and get to know somebody. We're not wired as human beings to become attracted over text. Therefore,
I don't believe that text game exists. Now I do believe that if the girl likes you already and
is attracted and invested in you, then texting does give her some butterflies. Of course it's
going to make her feel good when she gets a text from a guy that she likes. And that
is fine. But it doesn't actually increase attraction. But I understand. You said how do you
continue to maintain attraction. I understand that there is this level of maintenance. Well, back to
your question here. You said, "How can I continue to maintain attraction with some of these girls
I'm seeing over text?" Well, you said earlier, "I find it hard to either set up a date with them for
whatever reason." That's one that's one thing you said, we'll go to the next thing in a second. You
said "I find it hard to set up a date." You know what that says to me? That says to me
that you try to set up a date with them, they don't agree, or their schedules are too tough,
so then you land in text buddy. And now you're in text buddy mode. So these girls either don't
care to meet up with you and just want free attention and want to be a text buddy with you.
Or you guys are not.... you're not trying hard enough to get the date. You end up
in this situation where you're a text buddy, so who cares if you lose those girls? I don't know
why you'd want to be texting with a girl all day that can't meet up with you or text them
ever if they can't meet up with you. We'll just throw all those options away. But then you said
"or me trying not to text them too much to the point where they lose interest." I don't believe
in the idea of a girl losing interest over you because you're not texting a lot.
If that happens, then yes, the girl is too needy. I think you dodged a bullet.
If this girl needs you to be texting her all the time, is this the kind of relationship you want?
Really? You want to be texting a girl all day? That tells me you have nothing
else to do with your life, that you have no other things going on. A true alpha,
a guy who's on a mission and a purpose is not... you think
Elon Musk is texting all day? Do you think the fictional character James Bond
is texting all day? Do you think successful men are texting all day like they're girls?
Not as much as what guys think they should be doing?
We don't want to be around those women. But also, I get the idea of yes...
I understand if you're not maintaining some sort of attraction and there's a date that you guys
have set up that's really far away. It's like a week plus away, then yes, in those situations
it does make sense to maintain attraction. I will say you can text her like once, maybe twice. But
don't do like, "Hey, how are you?" You want to send a picture of something cool you're doing or
tell her something interesting that you're up to. But you only want to do that a little bit.
You don't want to do that and then get into this long text conversation. You want to
leave the woman wanting more. And I get it, there's a degree if you do that too much then
then you might lose them. But again, if they care that much, I suspect that it's someone who's needy
that you don't actually want. Now I want to say, I give this to my clients, I'm going to give this
to you now. There's a formula for what you can do to maintain attraction when you have a girl
who's a big texter. Because we're living in the 21st century, texting is a form of communication
so if you respond poorly to their text messages, you can lose the girl. Yes,
it does happen. But I've got a little formula for you. Here it is. If you are
dating a girl and it's been like a couple dates and clearly she's very attracted to you,
she's initiating the text messages... if she's initiating I wouldn't text back 12 hours later.
Now you can, but I would probably do somewhere like two to three hours, four or five hours at the
most... in terms of you responding to her. Let's say you went on a couple of dates with a girl
and.... by the way, you should always have a date set up. You shouldn't go too long.
There should never be this weird in between area where she's not... you don't have a date setup.
Make sure you always have a date set up that way, by the way, you're going to maintain
attraction because they go, "This guy likes me. We had great dates. He wants to see me again."
That's the bottom line. That should be enough. You might get in a situation, for example,
when let's say you set up a date. A couple days later, she goes, "How are you?"
So how are you – the formula to respond to that or any other text message that she sends is you're
going to respond to her text message, it's going to be several hours later. It's not going to be
longer than a couple of sentences. It's going to be nice, so it's not going to be cold.
And you're not going to ask any questions back. I'll say that again. You're going to
respond two plus hours later, it's going to be only a couple sentences, it's going to be
warm, not cold. I'll give you an example of what that looks like in a second.
And you're not going to ask any questions back. And the reason why you're not going
to ask any questions back is because I don't want you to get into a whole text convo all day.
In theory, you will increase attraction, hardcore by the way, you will increase attraction if you're
not asking all these questions back and giving her all this attention. She's gonna be thinking "Wow,
this guy's busy. Does he like me? Does not like me?" And then she's going to be even more
attracted and she's gonna want to see you again because she's thinking of how non needy you are.
That's important there. What's the difference when a cold and a warm text message?
If she says how are you, I wouldn't respond two to three hours later and say doing good.
It's like, that's obviously a little intense.
You could do that. And in some cases maybe that does build more attraction because she's like,
"What? Does he like me?" I'm all for not being too gamey here. You say one sentence,
at least that makes up for you not having to ask all these questions back. She says, "How are you?"
You say, "Today's been a crazy day. But it's been awesome, so productive at work." Couple sentences.
It's giving her what she wants, but it's not giving her all of what she wants. You're
giving her this nice response. You're just not going to be engaging and asking questions back.
There you go. Your last question here said, "Should I just filter these girls out who
need a lot more attention than others over text before a meetup?" Yes. Oh that's interesting. I
didn't pick, you said "Should I just filter these girls out who need a lot more attention than than
others over text before a meetup?" I wonder if you're saying here before a first meetup.
But yeah, if this girl wants to text all day and can't even meet up with you it should be done.