- I think this show is made for us.
- Yeah
- Interesting hairstyles, booze, drugs and (bleep).
(Laughs)
- Good old sweaty (bleep).
- Hi, I'm Trixie Mattel.
- And I'm Katya.
- And we are two queens who like to watch.
- And what are we watching today?
Well, The Queen's Gambit.
- Yeah, it's pulled directly from the YouTube comments.
This was heavily requested.
- Heavily requested and thoroughly enjoyed by me
prior to this experience.
- Oh really?
- Oh yes, honey, I watched it.
I watched the (bleep) out of it.
- Do you (bleep) with chess?
- I don't (bleep) with chess but I (bleep) with this series.
- Not at all, not at all.
- See you on Farmville, (bleep).
(Laughs)
(Dramatic music)
- [Trixie] Spoilers ahead.
- Spoilers alert.
- I'm just envisioning that it's going to be
this hot girl with short bangs,
like leaning over a board,
like modeling a lot.
- When I (bleep) tell you that's exactly what she does,
it's the pursed lips and the focused stare.
- It's going to be that.
- Yeah.
- Maybe we should get into chess.
- Nope. No.
So now we get to look at the origin story
of the lovely Ms. Elizabeth Harmon.
Orphaned. Me? Whore-phan.
- [Elizabeth] I'm coming.
Oh!
(Crashing)
- [Katya] I love a fall in the bathtub,
sets you up for a fun whimsical lump.
- Okay. Still hot.
- (Bleep).
- Oh my God,
she's a party girl.
You know, a little pep-pill.
- Guess who's in the bed.
- Her daughter
(Laughs)
- She's 17.
- She's, Oh.
Well she's drinking and taking pills.
She's in France.
- Allô pâlot.
What do you think of that wig?
She's wigging out.
Why is she running?
- Mama? She's late for a match.
- Boy, I love a Pilgrim shoe.
Work (bleep).
Oh. Oh is she famous?
- Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Rising up through the ranks of chess-dom.
- That's how famous people get from chess?
- Mama, grandmaster wizard level.
- I'm sorry.
- So that's the Russian guy, he's fabulous.
- He's playing against her?
- Uh-huh.
- Oh, he's been waiting, he's mad.
You know how I would sit down
if I was playing chess these people?
(Moans)
and I'll go, uh.
What did we say?
Hot girl staring in a hot way.
- She has a face that you just want to look at.
- I want far apart eyes and like
- It's the Cupid's bow.
- my eyes are so close together,
I look like Cyclops.
- I think it's the shape.
- Oh, I'm not talking about now.
But also, how dare you?
(Laughs)
Well maybe it's the dark black circles
you draw around them, you (bleep) baby.
- Picasso wasn't understood in his day.
- Oh, she's that kind of orphan.
- Humble beginnings.
- Oh my God.
- Every good series starts with a fatal car accident.
- Oh.
Maybe this is like Slumdog Millionaire
and she's good at chess because
her parents are dead.
She had nothing to do.
- Chess-dog Millionaire.
- You understand dear, your mother's passed on.
You know what that means, don't you?
- Is that Nathan Lane?
- I love a dramatic lull.
Nobody wants to adopt a person over five years old.
- Not me, I'm looking for someone 17 and a half.
I'm looking to do a quick six months,
say I did it.
- This is Elizabeth Harmon.
- You're all a bunch of (bleep)ing (bleep)suckers!
- Jolene.
(Laughs)
- I did tell you I had a role in this.
- You're one of the (bleep)suckers?
- Yeah I was (bleep)sucker #2.
- Beth is being introduced to her first addiction
she picks up, which is pills
because the children get drugged here.
- I save the green ones up for the nighttime.
Otherwise they turn off right
when you need them to turn on.
- That's a friend.
- Your mama and daddy dead?
What's the last thing they said to you before they died?
- Oh my God.
- I know.
- This is me trying to relate to people.
- I know.
- Interesting. Both your parents died.
- Both dead? Murder? How bloody?
- Yeah, bloody? Yeah.
Was it open-casket? Okay.
- Do you know how many basic people are about to
start chess lessons in two second because of the show?
- Like, if I do chess
will people think I'm complicated and hot?
- Yeah but when they find out it's not checkers,
that's a wrap.
- I go to chess and the whole time,
I think it's Bananagrams.
I'm like, I don't know how I'm supposed to spell a word
with this.
- Scrabble.
- Words with Friends.
- Funny story,
I got so beaten down in Words with Friends
that I actually cried.
I cried.
I cried because I was like, nor
N-O-R
I was like, what the (bleep) kind of word is that?
He's like, neither, nor.
I was like, I actually started crying.
The Queen's Gambit.
(Laughs)
- [Katya] So there's this dude in the basement, right?
He's kind of like the mysterious janitor
and she really wants to get chess lessons.
- Oh, she wants to learn.
- Yeah.
- I hope he's like fine, I'll do it
but you have to grow out your bangs.
(Laughs)
We're not doing this anymore.
- Seriously.
(Dramatic music)
- [Trixie] Let's get turnt.
- Any drug addict knows that
if you take drugs at night,
you develop a special skill.
- I can't tell if you're kidding.
- No, of course I'm kidding.
- Oh, well, I don't know if you have,
it depends on what kind of drugs you take.
- Yeah, I guess.
- If you take drugs at night
you might develop a really clean home.
- That's true.
- You know?
- That's true.
- Beth, a troubled young drug addict,
meets a failed talent who likes to drink.
I don't know if you and I will have any insight
into this type of relationship,
but we'll have to see.
- The adventures of Boozehound & Cracky,
tonight at eleven.
(Laughs)
- Everything is so drab.
- Color had not been invented yet.
Oh.
- Fashion montage.
- Don't you look lovely.
- A lovely utilitarian smock.
- Aren't we going to look at the chess sets?
- Another time, dear.
But I'm going to start giving you 40 cents a week allowance.
- Did you have an allowance?
- Of course not.
- Okay.
- My mom had an allowance from the state.
(Laughs)
It's called welfare, (bleep).
Did you have an allowance?
- Yeah.
- What'd you get?
- Ten dollars a week.
- I mean, how old were you?
- Twenty two.
(Laughs)
- Do you have any books on chess?
- Hi, do you have a VHS copy of the off-Broadway run
of the musical chess?
- I need you to fill this prescription for me.
- And while you're there,
- Give me a pack of smokes.
- Buy yourself a Coke,
- Oh. Six pennies?
(Bleep) really? A coke?
- I loved back in the day.
Will you get me like a winter coat,
a couple of refrigerators,
three weeks worth of ham,
here's a fiver.
- Yeah.
- There was a lady in my town,
I pumped her gas once and she gave me 35 cents.
- And that was enough.
- She thought so.
(Laughs)
- I started siphoning that gas
straight back out of that truck.
I say, no girl.
- Doctor Talbot has decided I need more tranquility.
Much more.
- So are we to understand that that's like a xanny?
- Yes, I'm taking a xanny-bar.
My black beauty's kicking in
Here I go, Gallop.
Gallop.
(Laughs)
- Why do they only fill these bottles half-full?
- Oh, she's stealing them.
This time the hallucination doesn't work,
it's just me in the corner, nude like this.
I'm doing TikTok dancing in the corner.
I hope when she read for this role, it was like
do you think you could lay down in an Anna Wintour bob
and stare at the ceiling for about half the series?
(Laughs)
- This is a Cardinal.
- It's a butt plug.
- This is a butt-
(Laughs)
I don't know what this is.
- Oh, I know what this is,
this is an obsidian roller.
It's great for the skin.
It, apparently it's a puzzle.
Is it supposed to do that?
- You know what the fun thing about puzzles is?
Figure them out.
(Laughs)
- This is my house and I almost through this.
- It's like a Chinese finger trap from Addams family.
(Squeaking)
There's a trick.
- No.
- So she's learning that this chess game
could yield a little bit of cash-money.
- Oh really?
- And then the mom is also seeing dollar signs too.
So they got a little, they get a little grift cooking.
- Nothing brings a family together
like exploiting children for business.
- Absolutely.
- Britney's dad encouraged her to do music
and she's fine now.
(Laughs)
- I just didn't have the faintest idea
that people made money playing chess.
- There's tournaments with much bigger prizes,
a lot.
- How much bigger?
- Love her.
I'm her!
I'm her.
I'm her!
I want a child with a challenging haircut and-
- A skill
- A skill I can monetize, yes.
I feel like they could have given this to her
earlier in life.
- Like a little travel set or something.
- It says here that there is a tournament in Cincinnati
and the first prize is $500.
- That's the equivalent of like 500 million.
- Where would we stay?
- At the Gibson hotel in a double room for $22 a night.
- This is me trying to get you to do things.
- I know, I know.
- I'm waking you up at 1:00 PM like, guess what flop?
I got us a Netflix gig!
- Dresses, backless. Hair, not done.
(Laughs)
- So the winnings keep coming in
as she gets introduced to alcohol.
- Perhaps you could give me a 10%?
As an agent's commission.
- At least she's only asking for 10.
- Thank you.
- Imagine if I had a manager instead of a mom.
- School girl beats grandmaster in Pittsburgh,
onlookers were amazed at her useful fine points of strategy.
- Airplanes back in the day? Fierce.
- You think this is fierce?
Someone's smoking on a plane
with like no protections.
- Yes.
- Okay.
(Laughs)
- [Trixie] I don't like to drink on planes.
- [Katya] Why?
- [Trixie] That's a lie.
(Laughs)
Well, you know how people-
- I don't like people to know
that I drink on planes.
No, like, international flight,
sure, give me the wine.
I'll go to sleep
but if you're going somewhere to go do something,
you don't want land twisted or hungover.
- No, not from like Boston to New York.
- Yeah.
- She has a fever of 101.
- It started out as mono,
she's like yeah, her head's fell off.
- Yeah.
- [Trixie] So what's going on here?
- She is ready for love.
It's Valentime's day.
- Valentime's?
- Yeah.
That's her Valentine.
Are you saying Valentime?
- Everyone calls me Townes.
Maybe that's why I call you Harmon instead of Elizabeth.
- He's very erotic.
- Very sexual.
- I don't want to say I've been deprived,
but no one's ever treated me like that.
- No one, tell me about it.
- I want to be photographed like a fragile menagerie.
(Laughs)
- Mama, he's a homo.
- Oh, he's gay.
He seems not gay.
- I know, that's the gag of it.
- This doesn't seem gay.
Look at, that's my face
I want to make while men look at me.
(Laughs)
That's what she looks like.
- When you answer the door, you'll be like this.
(Laughs)
- This doesn't seem gay.
- Does this seem gay?
- Oh hi.
- Hi.
Hello.
- What's going on?
(Laughs)
- You two carry on, I'll be gone in a minute.
- [Trixie] Does this mean you're not gonna (bleep) me?
- [Katya] Yeah.
- Pleasure to meet you Beth.
- Comes back in his pum-pum shorts
just to belabor the point.
- Where have you been, honey?
You do me a favor and hand me a beer on the desk over there?
- I'm just going to say this mom is in great shape
for a boozer and a piller.
- I suppose you've never had beer.
- Try it, surly.
- Have you ever been at a party
and been too twisted and have to go
to the bathroom and like, get yourself together?
- Are you kidding?
- Where you're like, I have to pee
and then you get to the bathroom
and you look in the mirror
and you're like, Mary.
- I'm like, oh, this is, okay.
We need to hoohoo.
Yeah, absolutely.
Remember when I dyed my hair orange and did acid
- You dyed your hair orange and then did acid?
- No, drop the acid,
immediately dyed my hair orange,
- Uh-huh
- looked in the mirror when I was tripping,
shaved it off, shaved it off.
- I was thinking more like go to the bathroom
and look at the mirror like.
(Laughs)
But that's fun too,
I like that.
- [Trixie] So she's learning Russian
because she wants to compete with the best
and Russian people are best at everything.
- [Katya] Best at everything,
besides the Mongolians.
- And Kenyans.
There's a category of running in the Olympics
that the Kenyans have won every year since 1983.
- Do you know why it has to do with positive reinforcement?
Can-ya!
(Laughs)
- Can-ya not?
(Laughs)
- One more time, Beth.
(Speaking in Russian)
- What are you doing, you know like, right now?
- She has friends.
- She got friends now and they're smoking wacky weed.
Groovy.
- Phone's in the bedroom, through the kitchen.
- [Trixie] Can you show me where it is?
Unhh.
- [Trixie] What is she doing?
WHAT?
Me manifesting a (bleep) every night
going ahh.
- Oh, it was a penis candle?
- Yes it was a (bleep).
I know a dick anywhere.
- It's little heavy-handed.
- Category is straight man writing
for the role of a woman.
(Laughs)
- Yes.
(Phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Hey
- Just wanna let you know I'm going to
get (bleep)ed down in a minute.
- Just be careful what you smoke, honey.
- You calling me?
- Yeah.
- Be careful what you smoke honey.
- Try not to do that PCP,
It's not always that great.
- But she sits right down on that flaming (bleep).
It's about to be her first time,
they're having the sacrificial tomato soup beforehand.
- What's that burning purple thing there?
- You tell me.
(Moaning)
- So Beth is on her way to Mexico city
where she's going to have her first big failure.
- Oh, she lost.
She's never lost before.
- She is plucked.
- I'm so glad you didn't see it.
- It's her mom.
- The mom is dead!
Spoiler alert, the mom is dead.
- Look
- Oh no.
Listen, you play stupid games,
you win stupid prizes.
I know that's not compassionate but.
- Stupid game being, having a mom?
- No!
The throws of drug and alcohol.
(Laughing)
All right, so Beth is beating the best
and she gets an offer to learn tricks.
She's playing Freddy Krueger.
- What's in Moscow?
- [Katya] Russia.
- The Moscow invitational.
Well you'll need a good trainer.
- Who'd you have in mind?
- Meryl Streep.
(Laughs)
- What are you going to do instead huh? Get drunk?
- Now that you mention it, yeah.
- [Katya] I'm a bad girl.
- We'll leave from here, I'll drive us.
Oh, and about sex, forget it.
- She wanted to (bleep) him and he said,
I'm not (bleep)ing you.
Have you seen your bangs?
(Laughs)
(Soft music)
- [Trixie] Whoa.
- [Katya] Yeah.
- [Trixie] She beat all of them, Wow.
It all leads to her playing chess
against this champion, Borgov,
and the night before she got a little turnt up
and so now, she's late.
Can you play chess hungover?
- I mean, she's trying to.
Ugh.
- This is crazy.
Chess is crazy.
- Wah wah wah.
Unhh.
Is she (bleep)ed again? No!
She lost again.
She's realizing it.
- I resign.
- The thing about chess is
I have a hard time not getting board.
- Oh.
- Chessboard.
(Laughing)
I will say it's the Queen's Gambit.
Our version, the drag queen's gambit.
- Yeah
- It's two homosexuals in wigs
trying to learn how to play chess.
We both start naked.
(Laughs)
And then if you, if you lose,
you have to cut off skin.
- Wait, what is a gambit?
Is it like a-
- Trap. The queen's trap.
- It's like The Parent Trap.
- Oh yeah, she's going to realize that she has a twin.
- She's Jamie Lee Curtis.
- Yeah.
- That's Freaky Friday.
All right guys, thanks so much for tuning in.
- Jamie Lee Curtis isn't in Freaky Friday.
- She could be.
- [Trixie] The man who taught her how to play chess
passes away.
She's going back for his funeral and she finds out
that he had all this pride from teaching her.
(Gasps)
He was a serial killer.
(Laughs)
Those are all the victims.
- The trophies, all the skin trophies.
- [Trixie] Aw, he was so proud.
- Aw Frederica memo right there.
(Laughs)
- I don't think my mom has one of these.
- Oh, I don't think she does either.
- I told her about Blister In The Sun.
She said, haven't I seen this?
(Laughs)
I thought you showed me.
Anyway, I tried to make this cake called better than sex,
I didn't think it was that good.
- Meanwhile, my parents send me certificates
for being alive every week.
(Laughs)
- [Katya] Another seven days, sweetie, you made it.
- [Trixie] She's trying to get to Russia
and this church wants her to say horrible things
about Russia, but she's not going to do it.
- Christian Crusade,
We'd like you to make your position public.
- What position is that?
- The spread of communism is also the spread of atheism.
- If I was her, I would start doing this two seconds-
- Yeah, yeah. Ughh.
- We had something prepared,
there you go.
- I, Beth, think the entire country of Russia
is a bunch of (bleep)es.
- Flops.
- Russia, flops, gutted, bald.
- Look, I have no intention of saying anything like this.
- Why not?
- Because it's (bleep)ing nonsense?
- Work.
- [Trixie] Put those (bleep)ing (bleep)es in their place.
Squad goals.
All the gentlemen she has beat are kind of like
grouping up to help her train so she can beat Borgov.
- Hey
- Would you let him?
- Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
- Hello?
- If he goes for the knight,
hit him with a king, rook, pawn.
7:00 AM here,
but we've been working on it for three hours.
- We?
- Hey!
- They're all there crunching numbers in the lab for her.
- Aw.
All right.
She's sober, she's focused, she's trained
and she is about to be the world champion.
Borgov never offers draws.
- She said, no, (bleep).
He's shook.
I hope if he loses, he's like,
and like his eyeballs pop and blood explodes.
Like blood.
Give me the rook.
See, I would sit down and I would sit across
from this guy and I'd be like.
(Laughs)
- No, you gotta fake him out, you gotta.
(Laughs)
- Oh God,
you gotta do the-
- Checkmate.
Is she realizing she's going to win?
- It's your game.
- Oh, you speak English this whole time. Hm.
Aw, respect.
- Yeah
Love that, this makes me happy too.
This show has everything.
A woman excelling in a male-dominated sport,
- pill popping, booze hounding,
- Bangs,
- Bangs. Levels.
- Fashion,
- fashion,
- chess,
- Drinking and pills honey!
So if you're one of the last people alive like me
to see it, go watch it.
- The Queen's Gambit on Netflix.
- Goodbye.
Knight to E4.