Shhh... it's time to turn up your speakers because today's challenge is to only whisper
for a whole week.
Just how annoying can we make life for your favorite lab rat, especially when $5,000 is
on the line?
Let's find out.
The producers of The Infographics Show clearly have a twisted sense of humor.
For over a year now all of us have been annoyed trying to have conversations with people while
wearing our masks.
Pretty sure we've all been at a point of just saying, screw it, and staying quiet because
trying to have a conversation anywhere that wasn't deathly silent basically turned into
a mumbled mess.
So how funny is it to make me whisper for an entire week?
I got my vaccine- and by the way you should too, all those Bill Gates nanobots in my bloodstream
have made my WiFi hum.
A lot of places are now letting people not wear a mask in public if they got their vaccine-
unfortunately most shops still want you to wear a mask, so right away I knew communication
was going to be a hell of a problem.
This challenge is different however, because once more there's a cash prize on the line:
$5,000, or $1,000 per successful challenge.
Day 1 was challenge 1, and already we started out on a bad note: I had to go to T-mobile
and open a new phone account, while of course, whispering.
Now, my feelings on T-mobile are not secret.
I think they are the single worst provider of cellular telephone service that has ever,
or will ever, exist.
They are a company founded on one single principle: taking the convenience and wonder of modern
global cellular communications and making that experience as terrible as possible.
Then they charge you for it.
But, with $1,000 on the line I was game.
So I went to a T-mobile store and passed through the front door to leave the earth behind and
enter Sheogh, the shadowy realm of hellish torments that is T-mobile's home plane of
existence.
Staying six feet apart proved to be a real pain in what was already a terrible experience,
until finally I think the poor employee who must've had no other option but sell his soul
to Satan and work at T-mobile, finally gave up on social distancing and came up close
to me so he could actually understand my mumbled whispers from behind a mask.
On the one hand by making this whole experience so long and difficult, it meant other customers
couldn't be serviced and thus I was causing T-mobile to lose money.
Small victory.
On the other, I don't know if these employees work on commission or something like it, or
if T-mobile simply rewards them by vomiting sustenance directly into their mouths.
If they do work on commission, I felt bad for costing this guy business.
Either way, after- I kid you not- two hours, I was finally all set up with a new phone
line that The Infographics Show was going to be immediately responsible for paying the
cancellation fees on.
Cha-ching, 1k in my pocket- so to speak.
Next challenge was a devilishly good one, even by Infographics standard.
When I opened the envelope and read it I couldn't help but sigh at the evil ingenuity of the
producers at The Infographics Show.
My second challenge was simple: I had to place a to-go order at a restaurant.
No big deal, right?
Except this was Bryan's Pit Barbeque at the Farmer's Market in The Grove.
If you're familiar with LA, then you know that Angelenos go insane over farmers markets.
So even with Covid winding down, this place was still packed- and loud.
I knew I smelled trouble the moment I opened that envelope.
So the girlfriend and I headed to the grove and found the BBQ place.
Now, normally barbecue makes my mouth water just thinking about it, but I'm going to be
honest here: california is great for a lot of things, but not so much its barbecue.
However, when I saw the crowds and the busy restaurant, I knew this was going to be a
hell of a challenge.
It should've been simple: order a bbq beef brisket plate, with a side order of steamed
rice, bbq beans, baked potato, bbq potato, sauerkraut, coleslaw, baked yam, and potato
salad.
I'm not sure, but I think it was literally every side on the menu.
In order to succeed, I had to get every single side, so they had to get my order accurately.
So I tried whispering as loud as possible, through a mask, with the dull roar of a farmer's
market going on around us.
Now, I've never been to this place before but I've heard that their customer service
is excellent, and I gotta vouch for that.
The guy doing his damned best to take my order really honestly tried hard to help, but I
could tell people waiting to place their own orders were starting to get all pitchforks-and-torches.
Finally, the guy just slid over a small notepad and a pen.
Maybe it wasn't exactly a completely legit victory, but 15 minutes later I had a plate
of bbq and sides galore to enjoy- plus another 1k from The Infographics Show.
And I avoided getting lynched by a mob.
Alright, challenge three, and this one set a new bar for annoyance.
Next, I had to go the whole day speaking, but not making a sound.
That's... well not the opposite of whispering but pretty close to it.
Infographics expected me to go to the grocery store, make an appointment at apple and shop
for something, and order from a freaking Jamba Juice all while not actually speaking, merely
pretending to.
I figured the grocery store was a good place to start.
Obviously talking to strangers is an absolutely insane thing to do in a public setting, so
I only really ran into problems when I got to the cashier.
Normally they just say a casual hello, was everything ok, would you like your receipt?
All simple things that a nice friendly nod or shake of the head can take care of, and
exactly what I was hoping for.
But no, thanks to whatever voodoo black magic deal the infographics show has carried out
with evil spirits, there was an issue with my groceries.
I'd gotten a bag of trail mix, the type you pour yourself, but apparently the code was
wrong and the computer wasn't recognizing it.
The cashier tried asking me about which trial mix exactly I'd gotten, but of course, I couldn't
speak.
She couldn't even read my lips because you know, mask.
So she tried to communicate the different types of trail mix in an attempt to get me
to identify the right one I'd gotten, but turns out she didn't know all their different
kinds either.
For the cherry on top, the store was understaffed, so nobody could simply go and quickly check.
Right about when the people in line behind me were once more getting all pitchforks-and-torches,
she just ended up taking my bag with her and going to check physically on the shelf.
I was determined, so I headed to Apple next, knowing full well what a pain in the ass that
was going to be.
However, the employee I was trying to communicate with actually surprised me by just pulling
out one of their tablets and having me type directly into it.
Now that's smart thinking, Apple.
Next was Jamba Juice, a place I normally wouldn't step foot into because juices are dumb.
Now, I could just carry a pad of paper with me or type things out on my phone, but that's
against the spirit of the challenge.
So I engaged in a complicated performance of gesturing and pointing at various items,
fruits, pictures, etc. to convey my message- and definitely got the wrong juice.
Challenge didn't say I had to get the right juice this time though, so far as I'm concerned,
challenge completed.
As soon as I opened challenge four, I knew this one might end up getting me tasered or
arrested.
Day four, challenge four, and this time I had to go various places and whisper things
directly into people's ears.
To their credit, Infographics Show didn't put anything on the list that would be immediately
creepy or offensive.
But even the most innocuous statement can run screaming into full-blown creep territory
when you're literally whispering it into someone's ear.
Alright, first up was to go to the park.
It was simple, I just had to ask someone if I could sit on their bench with them.
See, nothing difficult right?
I spotted a bench with a girl sitting down, reading a book.
She had her dog on a leash with her, and the dog was just chilling.
I thought that trying to do this with a guy might get me punched, so girls were probably
a better option.
I came up to her, made a gesture at my throat- hopefully to make her think something was
physically wrong with me- and then leaned in close and whispered, “Can I sit here
with you?”
Even with her wearing a mask I could see the immediate level 10 discomfort I had just generated,
and her dog started staring at me like I was a murderer about to strike.
She quickly nodded, out of politeness I'm guessing, but literally stood up and left
after like thirty seconds.
If you're watching this, park bench girl, I'm so deeply sorry.
Next I had to go to the gym, and I already knew this one was going to be big trouble.
Challenge?
Simple, ask to use the machine next to someone.
But of course, I had to whisper it directly into someone's ear.
I wandered the gym for a bit, looking for a guy who if he punched me right away at least
it wouldn't be completely devastating.
I figured doing this to a girl would be a major no, because girls already deal with
enough crap from gym guys and their guard is up 1000%.
Seriously guys, girls don't want to be hit on when they're soaked in sweat and physically
exhausted.
I cannot stress this enough.
So I spotted an older guy on a treadmill, and leapt at the opportunity.
I could take a punch from an old guy no problem.
I got up on the treadmill next to him, then leaned waaayyy over, and whispered right into
his ear: “Mind if I use this machine?”.
The guy practically jumped out of his skin, and immediately stared at me like I had grown
an extra head.
This caused him to lose his footing, which almost made him fall off the treadmill and
shatter his boomer bones like glass.
He slammed the emergency stop and got off the machine, muttering things at me that I
can't repeat here because this is a family friendly channel.
Next up, it was time to be helpful!
Except in the creepiest way possible.
All I had to do was find someone carrying heavy bags, and ask them if I could help them
carry them.
What a wonderful, nice thing to do for a stranger- unless you're whispering it directly into
their ear like you're a maniac that wants to wear their skin.
And that's pretty much exactly how it went.
I headed over to a nearby Home Depot style store, because I figured people would be carrying
heavy things out of there, and waited for an opportunity.
Didn't take long.
A lady walked out of the store carrying a bag and several pieces of long plywood under
her other arm.
To her credit, she was making it work, but I could tell she was genuinely struggling.
So, I made myself useful.
I came up to her and leaned in close enough to violate every inch of her personal space,
then whispered my offer to help her carry her stuff.
She actually swung around in disgust and nailed me with the plywood she was carrying.
Then threatened to hit me again if I didn't back off.
Fair enough.
I fled the scene and headed for my final min-challenge, one that might for sure cement the possibility
of me getting arrested.
Once more, it was simple: go to a coffee shop or restaurant and ask a stranger if what they're
enjoying tasted good.
But of course, I had to ask it by whispering it directly into their ear from a few inches
away.
I settled on a coffee shop because after my last encounter I thought coffee shop people
may be less violent.
I didn't even wait on this one, I decided the best thing to do was to bite the bullet
and just walk up to someone on the patio and ask them.
The girlfriend insisted on joining me for this one, because she'd been busy earlier
but told me she'd been howling in laughter when I text her my escapades.
This final challenge though she wanted to see for herself.
So I left her in the car as I walked over to the patio area of a coffee shop.
There was a girl in a striped shirt enjoying a nice iced coffee, and I headed in her direction.
She seemed like a nice girl, probably an artsy type, probably a decent human being.
Definitely not someone who deserved what came next.
I leaned over as she began sipping her coffee and with me close enough that my warm breath
definitely fogged up her ear, I asked her, “Is that as delicious as it looks?”.
In a word, what happened next was: pandemonium.
The girl immediately began choking on her iced coffee, and the choking made her blow
out really hard and right into the straw of her drink, which basically caused the coffee
to explode all over her.
Now, simultaneously, the sudden and very loud choking/coughing, and explosion of coffee,
scared the bejeesus out of the chihuahua sitting on the lap of its owners one table over.
Chihuahuas basically exist in a state of constant borderline terror, and this panicked chihuahua
leapt away from the choking girl and up onto the table where its owners were enjoying a
nice conversation.
The dog knocked over one of the coffees on their table, which ended up going all over
the guy's lap- and this guy was not having iced coffee.
He was enjoying his very hot, which honestly seems weird to me because the weather was
pretty warm.
Mr. Hot Crotch immediately whipped his head back in pain and shock, causing him to headbutt
the girl behind him, who happened to be taking a sip of her own drink.
Her face smashed into her cup, causing a second coffee explosion that completely soaked her
lap and the notebook she was writing in.
Honestly, I don't know if anything else happened, because by then I was getting the hell out
of there.
I immediately jumped into the car and yelled at the girlfriend to floor it like we were
bank robbers on a heist gone wrong.
The girlfriend was laughing so hard we almost wrecked on the way out of the parking lot.
When we finally got home it took her about 30 minutes to calm down from her near-hysterics
as she roared with laughter.
Later that evening she shook her head in amazement, commenting that I was a walking Rube Goldberg'esque
machine of destruction.
I typically pick locations far from where we actually live to carry out these challenges.
And now you know why.
Alright, it was time for the last challenge, and the moment I read it, I declined it.
Once more, it was simple: propose to the girlfriend, but of course, by whispering.
Alright, that was something I definitely wasn't going to be doing.
I think everybody knows our stance on marriage by now, but you know, maybe it's getting older,
or maybe it's pressure from our parents, but sure, the idea of marriage doesn't seem so...
unnecessary anymore.
Maybe it would be nice to have a formal ceremony for a commitment that already exists in our
hearts.
But, I wouldn't ever cheapen it by proposing on a challenge.
That much is for sure.
So, challenge failed.
However, in typical Infographics Show plot twist style, the day after the challenges
were over the girlfriend opened an envelope she had received, with a check already written
out for 5k, and a note from the producers saying that they wanted us to be happy.
I guess they were planning on paying out for the challenge either way... or maybe this
is their way of encouraging a wedding ceremony by paying part of the cost.
Honestly, I wouldn't put it past my parents to have strong-armed Infographics Show into
trying to make a wedding happen.
Matter of fact, I originally meant that as a joke but now that I think about it it's
terrifyingly realistic that my mother physically threatened someone at the show to make my
last challenge a proposal so she could finally get the wedding she's been wanting for us.
Alright, lots to think about.
But before I go, remember to look out this summer for our first live-footage challenge
as I go hunt Bigfoot!
Now go watch Can't use hands for 72 hours or watch this other video instead!