Have you ever been out in a group of people just start to say something or tell a story and then somebody cuts you off?
Maybe it was a friend but it really doesn't matter
because whoever it was, all of a sudden, you get stuck in your head;
you don't know how to get back into conversation and it can really sap your confidence.
If this has happened to you, today I have good news
because we are going to be sharing with you six tips to make sure that it doesn't keep happening.
And in order to help me with this video, I am bringing in
the other half of Charisma on Command and my best friend, Ben.
Now, Ben has been with Charisma on Command since the very beginning;
he's not been on camera because he's been doing a lot of the business stuff but
in order to hit our goal of making twice as much content, he is going to start sharing the content that he's been helping me with since the beginning
so in order to get this going, here is Ben.
So the first thing I see all the time is a misuse of pregnant pauses.
Pauses are great; it can be a way to hook people that are listening
and it can create rapt attention on you in suspense especially in stories but
you have to put your pauses in the middle of your sentences.
If you just put all your pauses at the end of your sentences,
you're creating an opportunity to get cut off especially in a group where everyone's excited.
As soon as you brake for too long and people think you're done talking,
someone else is going to jump in not because they don't want to hear you but because they think you're finished.
Okay, the second thing — be excited.
Now humans have mirror neurons.
That means that your listeners are going to reflect whatever emotion
you are displaying when you're speaking.
You get the most interesting day in the world
but if when you tell people about it, you're boring and you're slow and you're not gesticulating
and you're monotone, you're going to lose the attention of everybody.
So if you want to tell a story and you want people to pay attention to you,
you have to act excited and you have to convey excitement.
Third one, super obvious but I see it all the time — be loud, I don't mean shout.
But don't whisper, don't look down at your feet, and you have to gesticulate.
Be loud with your body and with your words just so that people can hear you
so that people aren't talking not because they don't want to hear you but because they don't even know you're talking — you're in a loud bar
and only the people right next you can talk so a group of six
becomes two groups of three and now you feel like people aren't listening to what you have to say.
Now the fourth thing — you have to act like you deserve to be heard.
It doesn't matter who it is; it can be Kevin Hart, Will Smith, The Rock —
when they're in a group especially in an excited group of people, in an interview
or friends whatever it is, a panel on a stage — people will want to talk and so they'll be speaking,
what they're saying will trigger something in the listener, and someone will jump in to interrupt.
What happens is for a brief moment in time, two people are speaking.
For both really charismatic people, they just speak like they expect to be listened to
so they'll keep talking, finish what they're saying, and then stop and look at the person.
If every single time that you're in a group, someone makes a noise, and you stop talking and look at them,
you're going to get destroyed; you're going to get interrupted all the time.
So speak like you think you deserve to be heard.
The flip side of this is it can be dangerous if you abuse it so don't be a bully and do share the spotlight once you're done talking.
And the fifth thing is be tight. Don't ramble
because if a story is amazing in two minutes but boring in five minutes,
you have to keep it tight — hit your spots, hit your punchlines, get your highs and lows then be finished.
A conversation isn't a monologue, right? You're not an actor on a stage so you say your thing but then let other people speak by keeping it tight.
The truth is, how you speak is often more important than what you talk about
especially when it comes to group dynamics, captivating a group, and not getting interrupted.
But there are a couple things that if you do talk about them, you're even less likely to get interrupted
and you're more likely to have everybody hang on to what you're saying.
Now I think there's three things that really can kill it and make sure that you never get interrupted.
The first is talking about things that make people feel good, right?
So these can be compliments, these can be stories that are fun,
and these can be things that are funny and have people laughing.
If you have people that are listening to you feeling good, they're going to want to keep listening to you.
If you talk about things that are boring or stressful or aggravating to hear about,
then obviously, people are going to want to cut you off just to switch to something that's more fun for them and makes them feel good.
Now that doesn't mean that you can't complain especially about something that's happening in your life that you want people to
connect with you on or relate about or, you know, you just want to get something off your chest but
instead of just coming to a group and dumping it on them and just complaining which nobody likes — complainers —
wrap it in a story; wrap it in something that's riveting.
So if your boss did something shitty, go, "Oh my god, you guys need to hear this. I walked into work today and..."
buh buh buh buh buh, now tell them your story after you've hooked people,
tell them the ups and downs of your day, and create a listener experience that's more enjoyable even though what you're talking about isn't positive.
The third thing is related to them, right?
If you're in a group of people and you know they love sports or they love a certain TV show
or they love talking about philosophy, you talk about that thing
and you're way more likely to have them engaged, right?
If you grab a bunch of people that really like sports and start talking about politics
or you grab a bunch of people that really like politics and you talking about sports, you're going to lose the group.
Now, there's a really easy way to kind of make anything that you're saying seem like
it's for the group and that's by just starting with a quick, "Oh my god, you're going to love this..."
You say, "Oh my god, you're going to love this..." then you go into what you're going to say,
the listener feels like it's for them; they're going to be more engaged.
One last thing that I really think is important to get across — it's not the end of the world if you get cut off.
The truth is, in a group conversation especially with a bunch of friends who are excited, everybody gets cut off.
It could be some great conversations with an incredible dynamic of people jumping in and out and sharing with each other, right?
If this happens to you all the time then, hopefully, these six tips are helpful.
Maybe one of them or two of them or all six of them resonate with you and you can see how you're not doing that thing.
But you're going to get cut off occasionally and that's not the end of the world so don't take it personally.
It's not necessarily reflection of you; it's just how group conversations go.
So I hope that you guys enjoy those tips on how to not get cut off in groups of people
and I hope that you take those tips and use them because they really do work.
Now one of the things I'm extremely excited for is the fact that now we can
make twice as much content because we have both Ben and my brain working
on creating it and the good news is that means that we need your feedback;
we need your advice so if there's any topics that we haven't covered that you
would like to see, write them in the comments.
If there's any characters you'd like to see broken down or famous people, let us know.
In addition, this is one of Ben's first time on camera.
He's done a lot of speaking from the stage but really, on camera,
this is pretty much the first time for him so if you have a feedback that you'd like
to give him in the kindest way possible, please leave that in the comments below.
Also, we're going to have a lots a lot more content coming out on Instagram
so if you want to follow us there @CharismaOnCommand
or you can follow my personal one where I do all kinds of random stuff including
my attempt at becoming a musician, you can follow me
@CharlieHoupert or Ben, @IAmBenAltman.
If you enjoyed this video and you want more every single week, now twice a week,
you can subscribe to our channel and I look forward to seeing you in the next video.