Eighteen...
All: Look at my trucker hat.
Kaiser: I don't know what exactly possessed Toei when they designed these three androids but
they certainly look unique.
Lani: Yeah, that's definitely one of the best things this movie has going for it.
Three - somehow completely unmentioned in the series - androids wake up to destroy Son Goku
as per the orders of Dr. Gero's underground super computer.
Unfortunately, beyond their quirky designs, their personalities are unforgiveably weak, if non-existent.
Taka: The dub even had to go so far as to add-in dialog where there was obviously none to begin with
just to try and give them more character.
To varying degrees of success.
And even made Android 13 a ridiculous southern stereotype.
K: Though the film does benefit from having some unique environments
in which a couple of admittedly well done fight scenes take place:
It's the first time we see any real combat in the middle of a city
and one of the only times we see fighting in the arctic.
L: It's full of moments plenty of Dragon Ball fans remember but it's also somehow
kind of forgettable at the same time if that makes sense.
It's certainly very middle of the road.
T: Definitely give it a watch if you're a Dragon Ball fan -
if not just to see Goku get punched in the dick!
Seventeen...
T: When Broly?
K: Yeah, here it is. After Bio-Broly, this is the one everyone was waiting for.
T: [getting impatient] When Broly?
L: The epitome of Dragon Ball movie villains.
T: [really impatient] WEN BROLY??
K: [shouting angrily] Taka, I swear to god, I will beat you to death with a sack of broccoli!
L: I'm more afraid of what people will do to us with Broly so far down on this list...
T: Alright, most people watching this list know the story:
Broly was a baby with a power level of 10,000;
King Vegeta knew that this could be trouble for him so he kind of maybe tries to kill his dad, Paragus,
and then stabs Broly to death. Only not, because he's the *Legendary Super Saiyan*, guys!
K: What follows is the longest Dragon Ball movie until Battle of Gods, at 1h 10min.
All about Broly's dad, Paragus, trying to wipe out Vegeta in revenge for what his old papi did to him.
What we get, is the plot draagging its feet... until finally..
L: Broly opens up a can of Grade A+ Premium, organic, no GMO, free-trade, gluten-free Whoop-ass!
Destroying every one of the Z-warriors in a curb stop to end all motherf**ing curb stops!
T: Listen, Broly isn't an exceptionally interesting character. Hell, the fact is: he's as shallow as they come on this list.
With his Gary Stu ten thousand power level as a baby,
inexplicably Legendary Super Saiyan status,
and a motivation so silly in contrast to his demeanor and tone of the film that gives us JK Simmons levels of whiplash.
L: The only thing that put it this high on this list is its animation, its length and its place in the franchise.
The battles here are brutal and at the time the story was plenty original.
It's a harmless movie on its own with plenty of cool-factor and Broly's design - while a bit ridiculous - does certainly have a menace to it.
K: And the Legendary Super Saiyan appearing in the form of a major threat to our heroes WAS a cool concept.
Especially at a time in the series where Super Saiyans were still relatively fresh.
T: But the fact is: it takes way too long to get to the meat of things.
And the villain really does resemble the worst parts of the franchise that are all about Power Levels, muscles, and over-the-top violence.
L: Which isn't to say you can't enjoy those things.
But it really does ignore the more charming, enriching parts of what makes up the heart of Dragon Ball.
Least that's how *we* feel.
He's just power and violence for the sake of it, and that... really doesn't go very far.
T: Sorry to his fans, but if Broly is the devil..
..Well, the devil's kinda boring.
Sixteen...
T: Remember your first time watching Dragon Ball?
The comedy of Bulma hitting Goku with her car,
leading to a series of events that would span over decades?
Those first few moments where the magic begins and there's just so much joy, laughter and wonder?
K: Well, the Dragon Ball films decided that it would be a fun idea to re-imagine how it all started in movie format!
With 'Curse of the Blood Rubies', a retelling of the original saga,
sans Pilaf,
That also manages to mix in elements of the Red Ribbon arc.
L: But it also utilizes the familiarity of the original to tell the story of a cursed king
who is desperately trying to save himself from his own demonic hunger that threatens to destroy the land he rules over.
Unlike Sleeping Princess, the sense of adventure and color is much more apparent top to bottom.
It also features much crisper and smoother animation, the classic Kikuchi Score in it's element, and a pretty fantastic way to introduce people to the original series.
T: However, it spends and entire 25 MINUTES recapping the original plot and Introducing characters.
And while the attack on Lord Gurume's Castle is fun, the whole thing just feels like the original Pilaf and Red Ribbon arcs with the villains changed out.
K: While it feels like Dragon Ball top to bottom, the fact that it's a retelling knocks it a lot lower on the list.
For newbies, it could be pretty great, but..
If you're already a longtime fan, it's supplementary at best.
L: Unless you wanna see Oolong transformed into Bulma playing with her boobs--
Uh I mean uh... *his* boobs?
T: Isn't Bulma sixteen?
K: Oolong is NINE.
L: God damn it, Japan.
Fifteen...
*Lani Snoring*
*Yawn*
K: Lani, wake up.
L: Oh, uh, Ah! No. No, not until things start happening.
*Yawn*
T: Okay, let's get this out of the way:
Taka: Icarus. Kaiser: Haiya Dragon.
Taka: ICARUS is annoying!
And he takes up HALF of this movie!
K: But the other half is actually pretty cool!
The movie is a twist of the Saiyan invasion plot but this time the villains are utilizing the terrifying TREEEE OF MIGHT!
As to harness the planet's energy for their own gain.
L: *Yawn* Kind of like an anti Spirit Bomb.
Which is ironic, considering how Goku wins this one.
Little bit of trivia:
Tree of Might was actually the first piece of Dragon Ball media I was ever introduced to.
T: Which must have been terribly confusing considering the villain is a doppleganger of Goku,
which also serves as a take on the "Evil version of the Hero" Trope and an interesting commentary on Saiyan genetics!
K: All in all, it's got some pretty interesting fight scenes, a unique premise, beautiful music..
But half the movie being dominated by Haiyā Doragon- Taka: Icarus. Kaiser: ハイヤードラゴン... really does pad the film.
And the backgrounds, once the Tree of Might is fully grown, tend to be a little dreary and murky.
T: What's even worse, they completely waste all of the potential battles between the secondary characters and the villainous henchmen!
And why?! So we can get more of Gohan PLAYING WITH HIS PET DRAGON IN THE CAVE WHO'S NAMED ICARUS!!
L: *Yawns and Stretches* Honestly, I think the biggest reason people remember this movie is Turles himself.
Beyond that, though...
*Yawn* I find it kinda boring.
Now, to further infuriate folks: what I feel is a very underrated installment in the franchise.
Fourteen...
K: Oh hey, It's King Piccolo!
L: Yeah, yeah. Make your jokes, Kaiser.
But while most people consider this one one of the worst movies in the franchise,
I think it gets a lot of undue hate!
While Lord Slug himself is not the most entertaining villain, this plot that surrounds him is a worthwhile one.
T: A rogue Namekian warrior has brought together a crew of space pirates to find a planet suitable to convert into their new mobile home!
Now they're on Earth, and it's up to Goku and the gang to stop them!
K: Didn't we.. JUST have a movie where a lost member of an alien race brought together a crew of interstellar ne'er-do-wells to attack Earth
and turn it into a wasteland for their own gain?
L: I see what you're doing there Kaiser. And while you might have a point,
this movie at least gives other characters worthwhile fights, some fascinating battle locales,
And the return of GIANT NAMEKS!
Namekians!
N- Nameh-- *sighs*
Seriously, what's the plural for that?
T: One of the many moves Piccolo just seems to stop using after Dragon Ball.
Although the one thing this movie also does is provide a very interesting unique weakness for Namekians in the form of whistling.
K: Via Gohan, Haiya Dragon, and some half-saiyan booty shakin'!
*MUSIC* SHAKE IT SHAKE IT BOOTY QUAKE IT
*MUSIC* ROLL IT AROUND!
*MUSIC* DON'T FAKE IT!
K: Oh, and there's Fake Super Saiyan.
Don't.. really know what that was about or.. even what to say about it, but it's there.
And it's actually kinda neat even if makes little to no sense.
L: All-in-all, this movie has more going for it than Tree of Might. It gives us better fights this time around,
and while it may mostly be unoriginal,
I don't think it deserves the crap it gets.
Plus, the completely licensed Funimation track is actually kinda fun.
T: "I've been waiting my whole life for just one"
L: "WHAT?"
K: At the very least, we definitely enjoyed abridging it.
Plug plug.
T: Now who's ready for some Boy Hits Car?!
*MUSIC*
Thirteen...
l: You know who was a cool villain?
Frieza.
Let's make him taller!
T: And buffer!
K: And make him look like Super Shredder from Secret of the Ooze.
T: This is the first movie to feature Cooler: the somehow never canonically mentioned brother of Frieza.
He's on Earth, looking for revenge for the death of his brother.
And he's brought his own Ginyu Force 2.0 with him!
K: 2.0, but still a downgrade.
Because while they're obviously trying to fill the over the top eccentric void,
Cooler's Armored Squadron just isn't as fun.
With the exception of Salza's hilarious French accent in the dub.
L: Cooler himself is an okay villain and the Japanese actor for him is still the ever-fantastic.. Kaiser..?
K: Ryūsei Nakao.
L: THAT GUY, who makes every incarnation he plays of Freiza's icy race come to life!
T: There's no denying however, that much like the Cooler Armored Squadron,
he's a pale double of a previous character.
However, the movie itself gives us a lot of memorable scenes
including one of the most beautiful Super Saiyan transformations in the series.
K: It's also pretty great to get some Gohan moments and a pretty spectacular win for Gokū.
Also, Piccolo gets another badass fight scene with stretchy arms!
Monkey D. Piccolo! He's gonna be King of the Nameks!
Twelve...
K: I love this movie.
L: Yeah we know. In fact this movie wouldn't be quite this high on the list if you didn't.
K: But I do, so it is.
T: Dragon Ball: Mystical Adventure is the third of the Dragon Ball films
and is actually a semi-retelling of the first World Martial Arts Tournament Arc,
Mixed with Tenshinhan and Tao Pai Pai.
In a weird twist, Chiaotzu is an emperor, Tenshinhan is his bodyguard, and Tao Pai Pai is an assassin hired to find the Dragon Balls to uh...
Find the emperor's missing doll... /wife? Wifedoll?Dollwife?
L: One of the weaknesses of the original Dragon Ball movies is that they're basically retellings of the story
only changed largely enough to make them fit as a movie with a new central plot.
Whereas the films for the Z franchise flat-out steal from the previous arcs.
K: The greatest thing about this movie is that it just has all that classic Dragon Ball feel.
From the colors to the glorious animation to the music, everything feels right.
..With the exception of the last third of the film.
The film decides to incorporate both Korrin's Tower and Penguin Village,
but it all feels completely out of nowhere and arbitrary,
even if it is a lot of fun to see both Goku and Arale.
T: Still, the animation and scenery in this movie are beautiful.
The characters are on point, and the overall story is enjoyable.
K: It also gets bonus points for utilizing both Upa and Bora.
Love those guys.
L: Wait, they're Native Americans, right?
So is there an America in Dragon Ball?
T: I dunno; let's ask Murasaki.