>> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT INDIANA.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THIS RACE?
IN THIS CASE, WE KNOW.
CRUZ SAID INDIANA IS HIS FIRE WALL.
DO YOU THINK THE POLLS ARE RIGHT THAT THE INFERNO TEMPERATURE
BURNS THEM OUT.
>> CAN'T STOP HIM.
WHAT THE MEDIA DOES IS THEY TRY TO GET THE HORSE RACE SO YOU
WILL WATCH, BUT IT WAS OVER THREE WEEKS AGO AFTER NEW YORK.
SAME THING WITH HILLARY CLINTON.
YOU KNOW, FEEL THE BURN ALL YOU WANT, BUT THE BURN IS GOING TO
BE IN THE REFRIGERATOR AND CLINTON IS GOING TO BE THE
NOMINEE.
THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GOING TO BE.
IT'S HILLARY VERSUS TRUMP.
INDIANA, IF TRUMP DID NOT WIN TOMORROW, THAT WOULD GIVE CRUZ A
LITTLE BIT OF A THING TO HANG ON TO, BUT IT'S STILL GOING TO BE
TRUMP.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW TRUMP, RIGHT?
>> I DO.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE KNOWN HIM FOR YEARS.
I UNDERSTAND YOU'VE SHARED VANILLA MILK SHAKES WITH HIM, IS
WHAT YOU'VE SAID.
YOU TRY TO ENTICE HIM TO COME BACK TO THE FOX DEBATE --
>> I BOUGHT HIM A COUPLE OF MILKS SHAKES.
HE NEVER HAS MONEY.
>> Stephen: THOSE GUYS NEVER HAVE MONEY.
>> HE HAS $10 BILLION, NO MONEY.
GO TO YANKEE STADIUM, HERE, A COUPLE OF MILK SHAKES -- I GOT
IT, I GOT IT.
>> Stephen: SINCE YOU KNOW THE GUY PERSONALLY FOR YEARS, DOES
IT COMFORTS YOU THAT HE WILL BE ONE OF THE TWO MAJOR PARTY
CANDIDATES?
BECAUSE THAT'S A REASONABLE SHOT AT BEING PRESIDENT.
>> I'M NOT ARROGANT ENOUGH TO SAY THIS OR THAT PERSON ISN'T
QUALIFIED.
THE PEOPLE IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY WANT DONALD TRUMP, FOR ONE
REASON, THEY WANT TO BLOW THE WHOLE ESTABLISHMENT UP, THAT'S
WHY HE'S GOTTEN WHERE HE HAS.
>> Stephen: WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE WHO RUN THE REPUBLICAN
NOT WANT HIM?
>> THEY DON'T WANT THEIR PROPERTY BLOWN UP, COLBERT!
THEY LIKE WAY IT IS!
IF YOU'RE GOING TO BLOW IT UP, THEY DON'T LIKE THAT!
>> Stephen: IT'S BEEN AROUND A LONG TIME, THEY PUT A LOT OF
EFFORT INTO IT, BILL.
>> YEAH.
REPUBLICANS ARE ANGRY BECAUSE THEY PERCEIVE PROGRESSIVE
AMERICANS -- YOUR CREW, ALL RIGHT?
-- >> Stephen: LET ME WRITE THIS
DOWN, I -- AM -- THE -- PROBLEM -- JUST WANT TO MAKE
SURE WE KNOW WHO THE PROBLEM IS, I AM, OKAY.
>> SO JUDICIAL CONSERVATIVE AMERICANS BELIEVE THE COLBERT
CREW IS WINNING THE CULTURAL WAR, THE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
WAR, IS WINNING CHANGING THE CULTURE AND DON'T LIKE IT.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: HOWEVER
CONSERVATIVE SOMETHING MIGHT BE, I DON'T BELIEVE THERE IS
ANYTHING WRONG WITH CONSERVATISM PER SE, BUT IT'S ALWAYS A LOSING
BATTLE BECAUSE THE CULTURE ALWAYS CHANGES.
>> YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN FIRED ON THE COMEDY CHANNEL IF YOU SAID
YOU DON'T THINK THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH
CONSERVATISM.
>> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE.
IT'S MORE THAN THAT.
THEY DON'T LIKE THE WHAT THE COUNTRY IS BECOMING.
32-YEAR-OLD KATE,.
>> Stephen: SAD STORY.
IN THE SQUARE WITH HER PHAT AROUND SHE'S KILLED AND SHOT IN
THE BACK OF THE HEAD AND SHE'S DEAD.
WHO KILLED HER?
AN ILLEGAL ALIEN, AGGRAVATED FELON WITH SIX FELONY
CONVICTIONS IN THE UNITED STATES WHO HAD BEEN DEPORTED FIVE TIMES
AND CAME BACK SIX TIMES.
THE GIRL IS DEAD.
I SAY WE NEED KATE'S LAW, WHICH MEANS THAT IF AN AGGRAVATED
FELON DEFIES DEPORTATION, THAT PERSON GETS MANDATORY FIVE
YEARS, FIRST OFFENSE, TEN SECOND OFFENSE JUST FOR BEING IN THE
COUNTRY.
YOU PICK HIM UP, HE GOES TO FEDERAL PRISON.
KATE'S LAW.
SIMPLE.
CAN'T GET IT PASSED.
WHY?
BECAUSE THE REPUBLICAN LEADERSHIP WOULDN'T GET BEHIND
IT.
>> Stephen: WHY NOT BECAUSE TRUMP IS RUNNING SUCCESSFULLY ON
AN ANTI-ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT PLATFORM.
>> IT'S ALL B.S. AND THE FOLKS KNOW IT?
TRUMP'S B.S.?
>> THE ANTI-ILLEGAL ALIEN STUFF IS B.S.
YOU SHOULDN'T BE ANTI-ILLEGAL ALIENS, THAT DOESN'T SOLVE ANY
PROBLEMS.
>> Stephen: YOU SHOULD BE ANTI-CRIMINAL.
>> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: YOU AND RIAGREING ALL THE OVER THE PLACE.
>> NO, WE'RE NOT.
YOU'RE ACTUALLY LISTENING AND THAT'S A GOOD THING.
SO HARRY REID KILLS THIS IN THE SENATE BUT MITCH McCONNELL,
THE REPUBLICAN LEADER DOES NOTHING AND IN THE HOUSE DO
NOTHING.
WHY?
BECAUSE THEY WANT TO ATTACH IT TO A SANCTUARY CITY BILL THEY
KNEW PRESIDENT OBAMA WOULD VETO.
>> Stephen: WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT.
>> THAT'S RIGHT!
WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT!
ALL RIGHT?
I'M POUNDING THE TABLE!
PUT IT AS A STAND ALONE.
>> Stephen: IT'S A BRAND-NEW TABLE --
>> RIGHT.
PRESIDENT OBAMA WOULD SIGN KATE'S LAW, I BELIEVE.
HE WOULDN'T VETO IT.
BUT YOU CAN'T ATTACH IT TO 15 OTHER THINGS.
>> Stephen: BUT -- JUST LISTEN TO ME.
>> Stephen: OH, BOY.
I HAVE BEEN LISTENING.
>> YOU'RE ABSORBING.
NOW YOU HAVE TO LIVE IT.
>> Stephen: I HAVE TO LIVE THIS?
>> YOU HAVE TO LEARN AND LIVE OH...
>> SO THE REPUBLICANS SEE THEIR OWN PARTY NOT DOING THE RIGHT
THING.
THEY EXPECT HARRY REID TO DO IT, HE'S CORRUPT.
BUT THEY DON'T EXPECT THEIR LEADERSHIP TO NOT DO ANYTHING,
THAT'S WHY THEY'RE FURIOUS.
>> Stephen: IT'S NOT JUST ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION.
IT'S A LOT OF DIFFERENT THINGS.
>> I DON'T WANT TO BE TOO COMPLICATED.
YOU COULD UNDERSTAND THIS.
I'M GIVING YOU SOMETHING YOU CAN UNDERSTAND.
(AUDIENCE REACTS) >> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND.
NO, IT'S OKAY!
IT'S OKAY.
BE NICE TO HIM.
>> LITTLE STEPS WITH COLBERT.
LITTLE STEPS.
>> Stephen: LET ME SEE IFIG UNDERSTAND YOU.
OLD ON A SECOND.
GO QUICKLY BEFORE IT WEARS OFF.