YES, IT HAPPENED.
SATURDAY MORNING, ALL OF THE NETWORKS OFFICIALLY DECLARED JOE
BIDEN THE WINNER OF THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.
AND IT HAS BEEN GLORIOUS.
YEAH, YEAH, INDEED.
IT HAS BEEN AN INCREDIBLE WEEKEND.
ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE NEWS WAS ANNOUNCED PEOPLE ALL
OVER THE COUNTRY STARTED TO CELEBRATE OUT IN THE STREETS.
♪ PLAYING MY SONG.
♪ NAH NAH NAH HEY HEY GOOD-BYE.
♪ ♪ SO.
>> James: THE ♪ SWEET CAROLINE
INFECTIOUS.
AS IT CORONAVIRUS.
SURE, GUYS, I MEAN THE VOLUME OF PEOPLE THAT WERE DOING THAT, WHO
JUST TWO WEEKS AGO WERE GOING, IT'S DISGUSTING TRUMP HOLDING
THESE RALLIES IT IS SO IRRESPONSIBLE, BUT THEN THEY'RE
LIKE BA BA BA.
IF DOESN'T SIT WELL WITH ME.
BUT THE JOY, I MEAN, DO IT AT HOME, OPEN A BOTTLE OF WINE.
REGGIE, WHAT WAS HAPPENING IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD?
>> Reggie: WELL, YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST GOING TO CASUALLY GO
DOWN TO THE FARMER'S MARKET.
>> James: YEAH.
>> Reggie: I GOT A REALLY GOOD PARKING SPACE RIGHT BY THE
FARMER'S MARKET AND I OPENED THE SUN ROOF, ALL THE WINDOWS DOWN
AND I CRANKED THE STEREO ALL THE WAY AND PROVIDED A DJ DANCE
PARTY FOR THREE HOURS.
>> YOU DJ'SED FARMER'S MARKET.
>> James:NESS YEAH.
>> James: GOOD FOUR, REG, JOE BIDEN BEING DECLARED THE WINNER.
IT FELT LIKE WHEN THEY FINALLY PLAY "SHOUT" AT A WEDDING.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, YOU KNOW IT'S COMING BUT THE WAIT
JUST MADE IT BETTER, YOU KNOW.
AND THE CELEBRATIONS CONTINUED HERE IN LOS ANGELES.
EVEN MOTHER NATURE GROT IF ON THE FUN, AFTER THE ANNOUNCEMENT
THERE WAS ACTUALLY A DOUBLE RAINBOW AFTER L.A
THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN IS ALREADY TRYING TO OVERTURN AT LEAST ONE
OFS NO RAINBOWS IN COURT.
ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS, THER IS EVEN MORE GOOD NEWS.
THIS TIME ON THE CORONAVIRUS FRONT.
BECAUSE THERE IS A CHANCE, IT WAS ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT WE MAY
HAVE A VACCINE SOONER THAN WE THOUGHT.
YEAH.
>> Reggie: MAN.
>> James: INCREDIBLE NEWS, AMAZING.
OUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS GO OUT TO ZOOM DURING THIS DIFFICULT
TIME.
I MEAN I GOT TO SAY, 2020, YOU LITTLE TEASE, MAKING OUTLINING
IT WAS THE WORST YEAR EVER AND TEN JUST TURNING THE WHOLE
THING AROUND IN THREE DAYS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I DO WITH 2020 RIGHT NOW, BUY IT A STEAK
DINNER.
YEAH, I WOULD, I BOO GUY IT A STEAK DINNER, THAT IS WHEN YOU
KNOW I'M IN LOVE WITH IT.
GUILLERMO.
ACCORDING TO THE PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANY PFIZER THE COVID VACCINE
THEY HAVE DEVELOPED IS SURPASSING ALL EXPECTATIONS IN
TESTING OUT AT 90 PERCENT EFFECTIVE.
90% EFFECTIVE.
THAT IS BASICALLY LIKE MY JOKES DURING THIS MONOLOGUE.
AND AND I AM BEING GENEROUS.
WE COULD GET A COVID VACCINE, I CANNOT WAIT FOR ANOTHER FOUR
MONTHS TO GO BY, GET MY TWO VACCINE SHOTS, WAIT ANOTHER 28
DAYS FOR IT TO KICK IN AND THEN JUST-- AND WHILE THE REST OF US
ARE CELEBRATING DONALD TRUMP HAS BEEN BUSY DISPUTING THE ELECTION
RESULTS, ON SATURDAY HE ANNOUNCED OVER TWITTER THAT HIS
TEAM A WOULD BE HOLDING A PRESS CONFERENCE AT THE FOUR SEASONS
HOTEL IN PHILADELPHIA.
BUT MINUTES LATER TRUMP CORRECTED THE TWEET SAYING THAT
THE PRESS CONFERENCE WAS GOING TO ACTUALLY BE HELD AT A PLACE
CALLED FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING.
AND IT IS AMAZING, LIKE OBVIOUSLY THEY SCREWED UP.
THEY CALLED THE WRONG PLACE AND JUST THOUGHT LET'S JUST GO WITH
IT.
LIKE TRUMP, HE CAN NEVER ADMIT THAT HE MIGHT BE WRONG.
LIKE HE COULD BE ON FIRE, AND I THINK HE WOULD STAND THERE GOING
I MEANT TO BE ON FIRE.
BECOME FIRE IS THE BEST.
ONLY IDIOTS AREN'T ON FIRE.
I MEAN IAN, COULD YOU BELIEVE IT WHEN THIS CAME OUT, THIS STORY
CAME OUT.
>> YEAH, I BELIEVED IT.
WAYNE: .
>> James: THE ONLY WAY IT COULD HAVE BEEN MORE HILARIOUS
IS IF THE FOUR SEE SNS TOTAL LANDING WAS LOAJTED IN A SEEDY
INDUSTRIAL STRIP MALL SANDWICHED BETWEEN A CREMATORIUM AND A SEX
SHOP AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHERE IT WAS.
I CANNOT IMAGINE A BETTER LOCATION FOR THE FUTURE DONALD
TRUMP PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY.
(LAUGHTER) TRUMP'S LAWYER RUDY GIULIANI DID
THE SPEAKING AND WELL, TAKE A LOOK.
>> THEY DON'T DECIDE THE ELECTION.
THE CALL FOR JOE BIDEN-- WHERE IS ITS CALL IT WAS A CALL
BUTTON.
OH PIE GOODNESS, ALL THE NETWORKS.
WOW.
ALL THE NETWORKS.
>> James: AT LEAST GIULIANI IS GOING OUT WITH HIS HEAD HEAD
HELD HIGH, YOU KNOW, SCREAMING LIKE A CRAZY PERSON BUT STILL,
HEAD HELD HIGH.
RUDY GIULIANI SOUNDS LIKE HE IS TRYING TO GIVE A PRESS
CONFERENCE WHILE ALSO TRYING TO STOP HIMSELF TURNING TOO A
WEREWOLF.
YOU HE DO WHAT I MEAN, LIKE THOSE SCENES IN TEEN WOLF WHERE
MICHAEL J FOX IS LIKE-- OH.
WHO WISHES, WHO WISHES THAT THEY WERE AIRING THESE GREAT JOKES
RIGHT NOW.
>> WOW.
ALL THE NETWORKS.
>> James: BUT TRUMP STILL HASN'T CONCEDED.
AND ACCORDING TO PEOPLE INSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE, THE PRESIDENT
PLANS TO HOLD A SERIES OF RALLIES IN THE DAYS AHEAD WHERE
HE WILL OUTLINE SPECIFIC INCIDENTS OF VOTER FRAUD.
TRUMP BASICALLY WANTS TO SPREAD AROUND AS MUCH COVID AS POSSIBLE
BEFORE THAT VACCINE GETS RELEASED.
TRUMP SAYS HE'S GOING TO HOLD RALLIES TO OUTLINE SPECIFIC
INCIDENTS OF VOTER FRAUD WHICH OF COURSE MEANS RAMBLE
INCOHERENTLY ABOUT JON BON JOVI AND LADY GAGA.
BUT HERE'S THE THING.
HERE'S THE THICK GUYS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT ANY MORE.
>> Reggie: YES!
>> James: HE CAN SAY WHAT HE WANTS.
NOW HE IS JUST SOME GUY-- SORRY, JUST SOME GUY-ELECT.
BUT HE IS GOING TO HOLD THESE RALLIES, DO YOU KNOW WHO IS NOT
GOING TO COVER THESE RALLIED?
>> WOW, ALL THE NETWORKS!
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: AND FINALLY DID YOU SEE THIS, A RESORT IN RHODE
ISLAND IS OFFERING FANS OF THE LORD OF THE RIGS RINGS THE
ABILITY TO RENT HOBBIT HOUSES FOR A NIGHT STAY.
HERE THEY ARE HERE, LOOK AT THAT AND BEFORE YOU EVEN ASK, OF
COURSE THEY DON'T HAVE A HONEYMOON SUITE.
(LAUGHTER) YOU CAN RENT A HOBBIT HOUSE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
IT'S PRECIOUS.
SEE, CAN I TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I WALKED OUT OF LORD OF THE RINGS.
>> WHAT.
>> James: YEAH, I LEFT, I WALKED OUT OF THE THIRD, I SAT
THROUGH THE FIRST ONE, NONE PLUSSED, I SAT THROUGH THE
SECOND ONE T IS NOT THAT I DIDN'T LIKE IT, I FELT THE SAME
ONE ABOUT THE SECOND ONE AS I DO ABOUT LACROSSE, FINE, IF YOU ARE
INTO IT, DO IT IT'S NOT FOR ME, RIGHT.
AND THEN I WATCHED THE THIRD ONE AND LIKE AN HOUR AND A HALF INTO
THE THIRD FILM, SO THEY'VE NOW BEEN TOGETHER TWO YEARS,
FROD AND BILBO BAGGINS AND THEY'RE WALKING, STILL NO ONE
THOUGHT TO BUY A PAIR OF SHOES, RIGHT.
THEY'RE WALKING AROUND, FRODO, TWO YEARS IN THE MOVIE.
AND FRODO FAULT FALLS AND BILL BOW BAGGINS CATCHES HIM AND HE
GOES MR. FRODO.
AND I THOUGHT BY THIS POINT WE HAVE SAID JUST CALL ME FRODO.
BUT HE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME MR. FRODO, JUST CALL ME
FRODO.
AND IN THAT MOMENT I WENT THIS ISN'T FOR ME.
AND I LEFT.
I LEFT, I LEFT MY FRIEND MARK IN THE CINEMA AND WATCHED LOVE
ACTUALLY AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.
TRUE STORY.
YEAH.
>> WERE YOU LIKE 15 HOURS INTO THAT FRANCHISE AND THERE WAS AN
HOUR LEFT AND WERE YOU LIKE NAH.
>> James: IT WAS THE FINAL STRAW.
I CAN'T DO THIS ANY MORE.
LIKE YOU WOULD WEAR SHOES.
YOU WOULD THOUGH, IF I SAID TO YOU NOW WE HAVE TO G IF I SAID
REG, IAN, VE TO GO ON THIS TRIP TO ZOOM OF THE RINGS ONE OF
WOULD YOU GO I WILL BE RIGHT THERE LET ME JUST PUT A PAIR OF
SHOES ON.
>> EVEN IF ARE YOU THE KIND OF PERSON I RUN HOT, IT IS SNOWING
OUTSIDE, I WILL THROW A JACKET ON.
>> THERE WAS ANOTHER BIT, THEY ARE ALL RUNNING AND IAN SAID,
THEY ARE ON THE HOSER AND THE BIG ORCS COME DOWN, THEY KILL
LIKE 20 GUYS.
Z PICK THEM UP, DEAD.
AND AFTER ABOUT THREE MINUTES OF THE ATTACK IAN GOES OH, I'VE BOT
THIS.
WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT AT THE START, DO IT AS SOON AS YOU SEE
THEM, ANYONE COULD HAVE SEEN WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.
>> WHAT ABOUT THE EAGLES AT THE END WHEN THEY ARE GOING TO DIE
ON THE MOUNTAIN.
>> James: I VNLT SEEN T I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AT THE
END.
HAVE I NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENS AT THE END.
>> YOU KNOW, NOW THAT IT HAS BEEN A FEW YEARS SINCE THEY WERE
IN THEATERS YOU CAN SEE THE LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIE.
>> I DO KNOW WHERE YOU CAN SEE THEM.
>> WOW, ALL THE NETWORKS