CARLY We met last night at the club You told me you were in love
Came home and smushed in the tub And now you're in my yard
Woke up and saw you were gone Your running across my lawn
without your pants or shoes on Here comes my St. Bernard
Vodka was flowin' Butt cleavage was showin'
Your mind I was blowin' Man we were so freaking wasted
Tag, you're my boyfriend. My name is Carly But all my doctors, just call me "crazy"
I made you poptarts with extra gravy But I'm a call girl, you have to pay me!
Psych, I'm just kidding. Aren't I crazy Let's watch 12 hours of Chelsea Lately
And all the other boys try to taaaaaze me The doors are locked now. You can't escape me
C'mon lets do sex again I want to be more than friends
Look how far my legs can bend
DOUG I'm sorry I can't stay Look I don't mean to be rude
But, I don't think that we screwed
CARLY I've got the pictures to prove it Hey don't look away
You're my one and only That's what my dog told me
But, don't think you own me Now lets sacrifice some chickens
I've got some hand cuffs Feel free to spank me
But here's the safe word It's "call me maybe"
CARLY Hey, this is my band, they seem to haaaate me
DOUG They don't look like they're really playing
CARLY Crap that's my husband he's in the navy He's gonna to kill you. He's also crazy
HUSBAND I'm gonna kill you cus that's my "laaaady" What's going on here?
CARLY He tried to rape me
HUSBAND When people try to rape "my wife" it makes me so mad. It makes me feel bad I'm gonna kick your ass
Come to think of it my wife is just guy in drag I need a real man So call me maybe