- [Narrator] Hey, Psych2Goers.
Have you ever asked a question
that made everyone
feel awkward and uncomfortable?
Sometimes you might not be aware
of what you say
and end up overstepping
or offending the people around you.
There are questions you may ask others
or even yourself
that don't really help your situation,
and may even worsen it.
For this reason,
it's important to be aware
of the things you say.
To look more into this topic,
here are five questions
intelligent people don't ask.
Number one, "Don't you think we should..."
Don't you think we should
do this instead of that?
Or eat here instead of there?
when you ask questions like these,
you're not really allowing others
to give their thoughts
and input on the matter.
Rather, you're already assuming
that your idea or plan
is the way to go,
and just want someone to agree
and nod along to what you've said.
Because of this,
people who are intelligent
tend to avoid phrasing their questions like this
since it doesn't allow people
to contribute, discuss,
and come up with different types
of solutions to a problem.
It limits creativity and variety.
So the next time you catch yourself asking
yes or no questions like this,
try to come up with more open-end ones
that allow people really
give their thoughts.
Number two, "Why aren't you..."
Why aren't you in college?
in a relationship?
Or working a job right now?
These questions often create
a lot of tension
because they can make
the other person uncomfortable, offended,
and defensive very quickly.
By phrasing your question like this,
you're implying that
they aren't following the same timeline
as everyone else.
And so, are not doing
what they're supposed to be doing.
For this reason, when said,
it can come off as judgmental, patronizing,
and insulting to that person.
During moments like this,
it's important to remember
that not everyone
does everything the same way.
People come from different backgrounds,
have different circumstances,
preferences, and priorities.
And so, will have different timelines.
Number three, "Why are your eye bags so big?"
Any question related to someone's appearance
is usually not something you should ask.
Whether it's large eye bags,
pimples on the face,
or a change in weight,
a person's physical appearance
can be a sensitive topic for some.
And therefore, questions and comments about it
can come off as insensitive and hurtful,
even if your intention is good
and you're just worried
and concerned for their health.
You never know what they're going through
and/or experiencing.
They may be struggling with their mental health,
or are having a hard time at work or at home,
which caused their change in appearance.
So try to avoid questions
related to someone's physical characteristics
and go for topics that are more interesting.
Number four, "What can I give to this person?"
Is there someone you're interested in?
Do you ask yourself this
whenever you like someone?
Wondering what you can give to another person
and doubting whether it's enough
assumes that you have
to have something to offer
to be worthy of friendship or love.
This is just not true.
A good and healthy relationship
is not like a business agreement
where you calculate what you give and take
from each other,
or about how you can earn
their attention or affection.
It's not all about the job,
the looks or the money.
Instead, what really matters
are the qualities and quirks
that make you who you are.
Be yourself and they'll come
to appreciate and love
the person that you are.
Remember that you are
and will always be enough.
And number five,
"Shouldn't you know what I need and want?"
Is this something you say to your friend or partner?
Sometimes when we've known someone
for a really long time
or have spent a lot of time with them,
you may find yourself feeling
very in tune with them.
However, even though it may feel
like you can read each other's minds,
it doesn't mean that you really can.
As a result,
you may find yourself getting
more irritated and angry
when your loved ones
don't know when something is bothering you
or aren't helping you
when you need them to.
So instead of asking them this
and getting frustrated
when they don't know what you want them to do,
try to remind yourself
to communicate your needs to them
so that they can help you
in the way that you want them to.
Do you ask these questions?
Let us know in the comments below.
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The references and studies used in this video
are added in the description below.
Thanks for watching
and see you next time.