In this video, we're going to go after listening skills.
So let's unpack the details.
I'd like to share a quote with you from the famous writer Ernest
Hemingway. He said, "When people talk. Listen
completely. Most people never listen. In this video, we're going to talk about
improving your listening skills. The benefits for improved listening are
almost endless. It helps you develop a greater appreciation for other people.
Helps you learn and understand more about the world. And it helps you
communicate more effectively overal.l Because, if you're listening more
effectively, when you speak your messages are much more likely to hit their target.
So in this video my overall point is that listening is the best way to
instantly improve your communication. And I'm going to share with you three tips
to help you improve your listening. The first tip is to show other people that
they matter with your listening. Now these tips are all mindset tips, mainly
but in your mind before you enter a conversation, if you can commit to
showing people that they matter, it's going to come across in the way you
behave. Now when you show them that they matter, what you're doing is you're
taking your mind off of yourself for a little while and you're focusing
entirely on them and what they are saying. And when you're showing people
that they matter, you know what this looks like because you have seen other
people listen to you very carefully. When people are listening to you carefully
they're giving you their undivided attention. They're literally leaning
forward in their chairs. They're making solid eye contact. they're caring about
what you're saying through their facial expressions. That's what showing people
that they matter looks like. Now we could break this down into lots of behavioral
steps and I'll probably at some point develop a whole entire course on just
listening but in my experience if you can change your mindset and think in
this conversation I'm going to show them that they matter.
Most of the nonverbal behaviors will come across that way. so that's the first
tip. Show them that they matter. Second tip is to listen to understand, not to
respond. You want to listen with an open mind, purely to absorb what the
other person is saying. It doesn't mean you're going to agree with everything
they say but you're listening just to understand, not to respond. See what
happens is is when we're listening to respond, we tend to cue up our next
comment in the back of our mind. And we're forming that thought and we're not
really paying attention to what the person is saying in the first place.
That's called a rebuttal [tendency] response and it leads to very poor listening. You're not
going to even comprehend very much if your thinking about what you'll say next.
You don't want to have this rebuttal tendency where you're going to argue
against it. Make your own point. Form your own thought. If you're thinking of that,
it's gonna throw you off track. Instead what you want to do is listen with an
open mind completely just to understand. Some people would say well what if
then they asked me what do you think you can always say something like well give
me a second let me think about that. And then form your thought and respond. It's
a classy move actually in a conversation to give something that they've said some
extra thought before you respond. That's the second tip listen to
understand not to respond. And the third tip is to show the speaker that you're
following along with them. And the two ways to do that are by asking follow-up
or clarifying questions and another way is just to respond in a short little
statement that indicates that you're following along with them. I was
practicing this style of listening to show my wife when we first got married
that I really was paying attention to what she was saying. During dinner
time I said okay during dinner today I am going to listen to whatever she
says I'm gonna really show her that I'm following along. And she happened to be
during that dinner talking about broccoli. And so I was doing my job as a
listener and I was asking follow-up questions. And I was
saying things like oh how do you like your broccoli cooked? And she was saying
well not really steamed or boiled but mostly I like it fried up really hot in
a pan so that the edges get a bit brown and crispy. And I would say okay that's
brown and crispy. I see that. Do you like the flowerettes about the size that are
on your plate right now or bigger or smaller? She said well really I like the
flowerettes of broccoli chopped up very small. That's the best way to eat a
little tiny bite-sized thing. And I kept listening and asking questions and
showing her that I was following along like this. And she got really excited all
of a sudden talking about broccoli. So that's what good listening will do to a
conversation. And at one point she even said like hold on a second. What are you
doing right now? Why are we so engaged and why do you like broccoli so much all
of a sudden in this conversation? And I said well I'm just working on my
listening. And as funny as it sounds, she really did appreciate the depth and
detail that I was caring about her thoughts right there. So you want to
listen and show them that you're following along and it'll lead to a
wonderful conversation. In summary, listening is the best way to instantly
improve your communication overall. Your homework assignment for this video is
really simple. The very next conversation you have, I
want you to listen completely to what the other person is saying using these
three tips that we talked about and watch what happens. I guarantee you it'll
be a very different kind of conversation that you're used to having. And I would
like to finish with a quotation from the book of James, "Be quick to listen and
slow to speak." See you in the next video.
I hope you found that video on listening
skills helpful. You may not realize it, but you are in the middle of a five-part
mini course on essential professional communication skills. I will put a link
to all five lessons in the description below this video as well as a link below
the video that links to the Quick Guide, essentially a PDF that summarizes all
the tips for all five videos and then gives links to each of the videos so you
can get directly to them there those are all free and I encourage you to check
them out so let's get into the next video about Building Positive Relationships.