Does it feel like you and your spouse are roommates instead of lovers?
Are you worried that they already have one foot out the door?
If so, don’t panic.
My name is Brad Browning, I’m a relationship coach from Vancouver, Canada and today I’m
going to talk about how you can get your spouse to re-commit to your marriage.
A fact that many of us overlook is that being happily married is a tough skill that most
of us weren’t taught, which is why it’s completely normal for spouses to hit a bump
in the road from time to time.
On a regular basis I work with married couples who are working on making a brighter future
together, and believe me when I say that as long as your spouse is still there, it’s
completely possible to get them to recommit.
Here’s how.
1.
Control Your Emotions
When you realize that your spouse isn’t fully committed to your marriage it’s important
that you keep your emotions in check.
It’s completely normal to be upset about the situation, but blowing up or pleading
them to recommit to your marriage will push your spouse further away and make you appear
undesirable.
Instead, learn to control your emotions so that they don’t see the negative emotions
you may be feeling.
Doing so can make or break your chances of winning your spouse over.
2.
Become the Best Version of You
This may sound a bit odd considering your spouse is the one who needs to recommit, but
if you want them to give your marriage another chance then you need to change.
This doesn’t mean you need to completely change who you are, but rather change your
behaviors that are negatively affecting your marriage.
For example, if you have a habit of walking away when your spouse is sharing their concerns
with you, then that is a behavior that you need to change.
Once you show your spouse that you are willing to work on and improve yourself they will
re-engage with you and be more open to giving your marriage another chance.
3.
Listen to Your Spouse Many marriages fail because one partner feels
that they aren’t being heard, so get your spouse to give your marriage another chance
by actively listening to him or her.
Your spouse needs to feel that you value their opinions and beliefs, and that they can talk
to you about anything.
Even when your spouse says something that’s hard to hear like “I need space,” or “You
have a temper,” it’s important that you demonstrate that you’re listening by making
eye contact while they speak then paraphrasing what they have said.
These simple steps will make your spouse feel loved and respected, which will go a long
way in convincing them to give your marriage another chance.
4.
Pay Attention to Your Spouse All people need love and attention, and this
is especially true in marriages.
Make your spouse feel attractive, loved, and needed, and show them regularly how much you
appreciate and want them in your life.
A great way to do so is by complimenting them, or making time for them even if it means rearranging
your own schedule.
For instance, you could wake up earlier than normal to have breakfast together, or spend
a few extra minutes before bed talking with them about their thoughts.
Your spouse needs to know that you desire them, so pay attention to them.
5.
Romance Your Spouse Romancing your spouse can do wonders for your
marriage, and it’s one of the best ways to help your spouse recommit.
To get you started, think back to the days when you and your spouse first met and fell
in love.
You talked together, laughed together, left each other sweet notes and held hands everywhere
you went.
Getting in this mindset can help with your romantic side.
Next, bring those romantic gestures back into your marriage.
Make plans to go out dancing Saturday night, rent your favourite movies, or wine and dine
together.
Whatever you choose to do, make it something that will reigniting the spark between you
and remind your spouse why they fell in love with you in the first place.
6.
Surprise Your Spouse Similar to romancing your spouse, you can
also show them how much they mean to you by surprising them.
Whether it’s giving them a sweet card, calling out-of-the-blue to tell them you miss them,
or having a bath drawn for when they get home, the point is to do something totally unexpected
to surprise and “wow” your spouse.
When these type of surprises return to your marriage your spouse will see the effort you’re
making and how your relationship is improving.
This will encourage them to give your marriage another chance.
7.
Get Professional Help
When marriages get rocky it’s not uncommon for friends or relatives to suggest that you
and your spouse see a counsellor.
For some couples doing so can work wonders, but for others, they may not feel comfortable.
Since your spouse isn’t completely committed to the marriage right now, this could be an
option you’d like to explore.
However, if, you’re worried that even asking your spouse to go to counselling with you
will only push them further away, then you may want to go a different route.
For instance, you could consider my Mend the Marriage program.
This is something that you will be able to do one your own, and you can get started right
away.
If you’re interested in finding out more about the program works then visit www.MarriageGuy.com.
I’ll be sure to post the URL in the video description below.
8.
Be Patient
Even though you may want to see your spouse come running back with open arms, the reality
is that reconciling a marriage can be a lengthy process.
It takes time to work through issues that caused the distance between the two of you,
and even more time to feel ready to fully reconnect.
There will be days when you feel like you’re making progress, and days you feel defeated.
The best thing you can do in this situation is to be patient and commit yourself to making
the marriage work.
9.
Tell Your Spouse You Love Them Lastly, tell your spouse how much you love
him or her every day.
Tell them in the morning when you wake up, throughout the day and at night before bed.
Just be mindful and read the situation before spilling your heart out.
If your spouse is feeling smothered or overwhelmed by your affection, then know when to back
off.
The end goal is for your spouse to understand how much they mean to you and to remind them
that you are willing to fight for that love.
Alright, that’s it for this video, guys….
Thanks very much for watching, and thanks for your likes and subscribes as well.
See you next time!