Hello. Here are ten more philosophy related entries from The Devil’s Dictionary,
by the American humorist Ambrose Bierce.
PERIPATETIC, adj. Walking about.
Relating to the philosophy of Aristotle, who, while expounding it, moved from place to place
in order to avoid his pupils' objections.
A needless precaution— they knew no more of the matter than he.
NOUMENON, n.
That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the latter being
a phenomenon.
The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only by a process of
reasoning— which is a phenomenon.
Nevertheless, the discovery and exposition of noumena offer a rich field for what Lewes
calls "the endless variety and excitement of philosophic thought."
Hurrah (therefore) for the noumenon!
NEWTONIAN, adj.
Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an
apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why.
His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.
SOPHISTRY, n.
The controversial method of an opponent, distinguished from one's own by superior insincerity and fooling.
This method is that of the later Sophists, a Grecian sect of philosophers who began by
teaching wisdom, prudence, science, art and, in brief, whatever men ought to know, but
lost themselves in a maze of quibbles and a fog of words.
ACADEME, n. An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
ACADEMY, n. [from ACADEME] A modern school where football is taught.
HALF, n.
One of two equal parts into which a thing may be divided, or considered as divided.
In the fourteenth century a heated discussion arose among theologists and philosophers as
to whether Omniscience could part an object into three halves; and the pious Father Aldrovinus
publicly prayed in the cathedral at Rouen that God would demonstrate the affirmative
of the proposition in some signal and unmistakable way, and particularly (if it should please
Him) upon the body of that hardy blasphemer, Manutius Procinus, who maintained the negative.
Procinus, however, was spared to die of the bite of a viper.
LIFE, n.
A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
The question, "Is life worth living?" has been much discussed; particularly by those
who think it is not, many of whom have written at great length in support of their view and
by careful observance of the laws of health enjoyed for long terms of years the honors
of successful controversy.
MALTHUSIAN, adj.
Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines.
Malthus believed in artificially limiting population, but found that it could not be
done by talking.
One of the most practical exponents of the Malthusian idea was Herod of Judea, though
all the famous soldiers have been of the same way of thinking.
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient.
Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to
be generally inexpedient comes to be considered wrong, wicked, immoral.
If man's notions of right and wrong have any other basis than this of expediency; if they
originated, or could have originated, in any other way; if actions have in themselves a
moral character apart from, and nowise dependent on, their consequences— then all philosophy
is a lie and reason a disorder of the mind.