you wake up one day and groggily rub the
sleep out of your eyes
after a few moments you're alert enough
to reach for your phone
time to catch up on all the messages and
instagram likes and facebook posts you
missed during your sleep
except your phone's not working you have
no service and
that should be impossible because you
recently ditched t-mobile
shrugging you reach for your laptop and
flip it open double-clicking on firefox
because
safari and chrome are trash browsers
oddly firefox refuses to load
you check your laptop's connectivity and
sure enough no service again
weird you think to yourself as you throw
on some pants and check on your desktop
which also has no internet connection
now edging to a full-blown first world
panic you head downstairs to make sure
mom paid the internet bill
you find her there in the kitchen
aimlessly mixing something
you can't quite tell what it is because
she has her back turned to you but you
think you hear her slightly
groaning hesitantly you call out to your
mother
whose body suddenly jerks as she turns
around slowly
moving very very stiffly as she turns to
face you you're horrified to see her
dead eyes staring at you
and with a growl of brains
she leaps for you you make a run for it
rushing outside and fleeing for your
life
but the neighbor spots you and take off
running after you too
in seconds you're being chased by a mob
of zombified relatives and neighbors
and they're almost upon you when you
turn the corner and suddenly hear
good town instinctively you duck down
and in front of you a military patrol in
humvees opens up 50 caliber machine guns
chewing the zombies to pieces overhead
you hear the roar of jets
as 500 pound bombs are being dropped all
over your former suburban neighborhood
welcome to the zombie apocalypse the
previous scenario has been a staple of
science fiction for decades and stories
of zombie apocalypses
have thrilled and terrified generations
of humanity yet for the united states
military the zombie apocalypse is no
laughing matter
and they have a plan to stop it dead in
its tracks
pun fully intended contingency plan 8888
the united states military regularly
creates think tanks whose jobs are to
envision future conflict or disaster
scenarios
and then drop military and civil
responses to address these threats
throughout the years american war
planners have created plans for
everything
from nuclear war with the soviet union
to an enemy invasion of the us
mainland to responding to a massive
asteroid or comet strike on planet earth
incredibly the us military also has
several contingency plans
to combat an alien invasion and that's
no
joke these plans are highly secretive as
are the other contingency
plans and present military options to
combat a variety of different alien
invasion scenarios
at least to the best as our limited
technology allows
yet one of these contingency plans is
unclassified and has been public
knowledge for
years that's contingency plan 8888
originally con plan 8888 was developed
as a teaching tool for american military
planners it was meant to be a fun
exercise that introduced new war
planners to the complexities of
developing realistic response plans to a
variety of contingencies
because of the threat of war plans being
made public the instructors behind the
original con plan 88 88 exercises
wanted to use a completely fictional
scenario rather than using realistic
scenarios
with real nations that could be
misconstrued in the public eye
as an actual war plan because the us
military
actually has realistic contingency plans
to counter an alien invasion
it was decided that zombies presented
the best option for developing a
practice war plan
to allow students to learn the ins and
outs of military planning
however just because con plan 8888 was
developed as a teaching exercise
and not taken very seriously does not
mean that it's a credible and fully
functional plan
if zombies ever did kick off an
apocalypse conplan 8888 would be there
to save the us from extinction
so what does con plan 8888 involve first
the plan addresses the threats from a
variety of different types of zombies
first is the pz or pathogenic zombies
these are zombies who are created after
a host is infected by a virus
bacteria or other form of contagion next
are rz's or radiation zombies
these are zombies created by extreme
exposure to electromagnetic and
or particle radiation emz's are evil
magic zombies or
zombies created by an evil occult force
s z's or space zombies are zombie life
forms that originate from outer space
or created by the toxic contamination of
the earth's environment by an
extraterrestrial source
wz's or weaponized zombies are zombies
that have been developed in a lab
somewhere to be used as military weapon
perhaps deployed by a foreign adversary
sizs are
symbiant induced zombies or zombies who
are created by the introduction of a
symbiant life form
into a healthy host the symbiant keeps
the host alive but
acting as its personal puppet veezies or
vegetarian zombies
are zombies who do not feed on flesh
human or otherwise
but rather who feed on plant life such
as zombies from the plants vs zombies
series of video games
these zombies pose just as great a
threat to humanity due to their appetite
for vegetation
which can cause massive deforestation
and the destruction of food crops
lastly the plan addressed the threat
posed by czs or
chicken zombies which are the only type
of zombie that
actually exist these zombies are
produced when chickens are improperly
euthanized with carbon monoxide
and left in a pile of bodies only for
the still living chicken to crawl its
way out of the pile
and walk around until organ failure
kills it next the plan moves on to
discuss the effect of
environment on both zombies and
surviving human population
it notes that pathogenic zombies will be
vulnerable to ultraviolet light thanks
to the uv
light's ability to impair the function
of rna which comprises most viral life
forms
thanks to this sensitivity pathogenic
zombies are not expected to be active
during noon or in bright
sunny conditions and will likely be
active at night
evil magic zombies space zombies
vegetarian zombies and weaponized
zombies are believed to be immune to any
extreme meteorological phenomenon except
for fires floods tornadoes or
tsunamis for human survivors the plan
stresses the need for rainwater
conservation
seeing as most public services will no
longer be working
also groundwater or stream and river
water is not recommended for drinking
as it will be unknown if it will be a
vector for zombie infection
humans who don't shelter in place in
locations that protect from direct
effect of air currents
also run the risk of zombie infection if
pathogen or zombification source is
airborne
from here the plan moves on to five
phases of a response to a zombie
outbreak
upon news of the dead rising from their
graves or evil wizards creating zombie
hordes
the u.s military will initiate phase
zero of con plan 8888
the phase is also called shape the
environment and will focus on giving u.s
warfighters as great warning time and
strategic advantage against the zombie
hordes as possible
military and civil agencies will monitor
disease vectors for possible
zombification
identifying any ways that infection can
spread and taking precautionary measures
with constant monitoring the us military
will be ready once the outbreak reaches
critical levels
or is unleashed in full inside north
america all military forces will engage
in renewed hazmat training as well as
nuclear biological and chemical warfare
training
already a routine part of u.s military
training phase 1
deterrence will begin upon receipt of a
warrant order or a warning order by u.s
strategic command
in a normal war plan this phase of
planning involves displays of military
power
so that foreign adversaries are deterred
from hostile action
because zombies cannot be reasoned with
or intimidated however
other forces which could further spread
a zombie plague or aid in a zombie
apocalypse such as terrorist groups
adversary nations
and unethical bio research companies are
targeted instead
phase one will see the us military
initiate large-scale training
meant to show any would-be human
collaborators that the u.s military can
still operate within a toxic and
contaminated environment
hopefully deterring evil bio research
companies or terrorists
from aiding the zombie apocalypse phase
2 sees the initiative
will begin upon receipt of an alert
order by u.s strategic command
this will immediately initiate a
complete recall of all military and
reserve personnel
and the immediate implementation of all
continuity of operations plans or
co-op plans as they're known are meant
to ensure that no matter what happens
all of the major military commands are
able to continue functioning as well as
the civilian government
the plan will deploy all ground naval
and airborne command and control nodes
with preparations to remain deployed for
at minimum 35 days
this will ensure that the us military
remains in control of its forces no
matter what happens next
u.s strategic command will reach out to
potential adversary nations
such as russia and china and inform them
of preparation for counter zombie
operations
conducting confidence-building measures
to ensure these nations don't believe
the mobilization is using the zombie
threat
as a cover for military action against
their own countries
the u.s air force's global strike
command in conjunction with assets from
other services will immediately generate
forces for strike missions against
zombie horde concentrations
not just here in the us but abroad the
rest of the us military will immediately
begin fortifying civilian defense zones
and enforcing quarantines where
applicable phase 3
dominance will initiate a massive
american military response against the
zombie threat
combat operations must be swift and
completely eradicate zombie
concentrations
as even a lone survivor can reignite a
zombie outbreak
cities and other major population
centers may need to be indefinitely
blockaded by military forces while the
civilians are relocated to more remote
areas
phase 4 stabilization will begin no
earlier than at least 40 days after the
initiation of phase 3 operations
u.s military forces will begin
initiating local reconnaissance
operations
in order to determine the strength of
surviving zombie forces
they'll also locate isolated pockets of
survivors and shepherd them to secure
areas
as well as survey the status of basic
civil services
such as power water sewage and lines of
communication
recon forces will also conduct surveys
of the epidemiological security of the
local environment
ascertaining if a lingering zombie
infection threat is still remaining
phase 5 and normalization will see u.s
military forces aid in the
re-establishment of civil authority
commercial and civilian infrastructure
will be repaired as best as possible
and the restoration of functioning civil
services will be a top priority
conplan 8888 aims to prepare the us
military to stop a zombie apocalypse
dead in its tracks
and highlights the specific actions that
local forces need to take
in order to ensure their survival and
the continued ability to fight back
against the zombie hordes
the plan does highlight some current
strategic limitations however
such as a lack of dedicated counter
zombie military task force
there's also the difficulty in ensuring
a zombie is truly neutralized
though the plan does recommend that
military forces burn all the bodies
thoroughly
other strategic limitations include the
inability to maintain
airborne command posts in the air past a
week this is because
while in-flight refueling could keep
airborne command posts operational for a
month
or perhaps even more if needed the
airfields that support the tankers
which would fuel these aircraft would
likely be overrun by zombies very
quickly
there are also serious defensive
deficiencies for many of the nation's
ground-based command and control nodes
as few command and control nodes within
the united states are hardened
facilities
capable of withstanding a relentless
horde of zombies conplant 8888
recommends that facilities maintain a
stockpile of lumber
and train their personnel how to weld so
they can better secure their facilities
against outside intrusion
lastly the plan warns that there is
little useful scientific data to be used
by the us military
to counter a zombie threat and war
planners may need to turn to popular
media for inspiration
on destroying the walking dead there's
also a dire warning within khan plan
8888
that of all the different types of
zombies that the us military may have to
face
evil magic zombies may prove to be the
most difficult to defeat
as they're animated by evil magic the
plan suggests the recruitment of the
chaplain corps
to combat this threat do you think any
plan could really stop a zombie
apocalypse
what type of zombie would you be most
afraid of let us know in the comments
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before the zombies eat all our brains