If your name is Vladimir Putin,
then today was a very good day,
because today, the president of the United States took your side
in a fight between you and the United States.
MAN: Breaking news. Siding with Putin.
President Trump comes out of his meeting
with the Russian president
and rebukes U.S. intelligence agencies.
WOMAN: The president is standing with the Russian president,
while trashing his own country.
SHEPARD SMITH: The president of the United States will not say
he believes his own government over President Putin.
I think that press conference was
the single most embarrassing performance
by an American president on the world stage that I've ever seen.
Damn. The most embarrassing performance
by an American president.
Do you know how hard it is to achieve that?
George H.W. Bush once threw up on the Japanese prime minister,
and Trump is now on top.
(laughter)
And just so we're on the same page here...
We're on the same page, right?
When they set up this meeting last month,
no one knew what it was meant to be about, right?
They never knew what the meeting was for.
They didn't know if it was gonna be about nuclear weapons.
Was it gonna be about the war in Syria?
Missile defenses in Europe?
I mean, maybe it was just gonna be Trump going in
to see Putin for his annual performance review.
No one knew what it was.
The meeting had no agenda, right?
But then on Friday,
Robert Mueller dropped a bombshell
directly charging 12 Russian military intelligence officers
with hacking Democrats during the presidential campaign
in an effort to sway the election.
Which was major news.
Like, the news was so big that it sent Cardi B into labor.
(laughter)
She's like, "Robert Mueller dropping indictments.
This baby coming out now!"
(trills)
(laughter)
So now... so now the formerly purposeless meeting
between Trump and Putin had a meaning, right?
It was time for Trump to put his foot down.
And he did-- right on America's dick.
Just now President Putin denied having anything to do
with the election interference in 2016.
Every U.S. intelligence agency has concluded that Russia did.
-Who do you believe? -All I can do
is ask the question.
My people came to me-- Dan Coats came to me
and some others-- they said they think it's Russia.
I have President Putin.
He just said it's not Russia.
I will say this-- I don't see any reason why it would be.
Really?
You don't see any reason not to trust Vladimir Putin?
The man was a top KGB spy.
He'll steal the shirt off your back.
Hell, he stole the shirt off his own back.
You can't trust this man.
On the list of people to never trust,
Putin is right between WebMD and the mom from Get Out.
(laughter)
How can you say this?
"I don't know why not to trust him."
Because he said it like... Now I see why Sherlock Holmes
fired Trump as his assistant.
Sherlock was like, "Well, you see, Watson-Trump,
"the mud on his boot contains an oxidant-rich soil
"found only in the small section of riverbed
where the murder took place."
(like Trump): Yeah, but he says he didn't do it.
(like Holmes): My God, how did you even get this job?
(like Trump): Electoral college.
So basically, Trump believes Vladimir Putin
over his own national security team.
And he didn't just let Russia off the hook
for election meddling-- he blamed both countries
for the breakdown in their relationship.
NEWSMAN: Do you hold Russia at all accountable
for anything in particular?
And if so, what would you... what would you consider them...
that they are responsible for?
Yes, I do, I hold both countries responsible.
I think that the United States has been foolish.
I think we've all been foolish.
We should have had this dialogue a long time ago.
A long time, frankly, before I got to office.
And I think we're all to blame.
But I do feel that we have both made some mistakes.
Now, in Trump's defense, he has a good point, sure.
On the one hand, Russia messed with the U.S.
by meddling in their elections, but on the other hand,
America held elections.
So they were asking for it. Yeah, makes sense.
And look, don't get me wrong, don't get me wrong.
I wasn't expecting Trump to cuss out Putin to his face,
but you have to admit, it's pretty wild
for the President of the United States
to defend Russia against the United States.
It's like seeing your team's cheerleaders
pumping up the other side.
Just like, "Go... team!
"And also their team.
"Both teams!
But mostly their team."
I mean, come on, Trump.
Be aggressive.
B-E aggressive.
(laughter)
And once again, once again,
all of this brings up the old question
of what exactly is going on between Putin and Trump.
And we still don't know. Like, we may never know.
But in a way, it almost doesn't matter,
because you have to ask this question:
If Trump was some sort of Russian Manchurian candidate,
what would he have just done differently?
Right? Would there be a difference?
I mean, in the past week, he's been tearing apart NATO,
he declared the European Union America's foe,
and now he's taking Russia's side
on hacking America's elections.
And he's slamming America's intel agencies.
But it turns out there is one law enforcement organization
Trump does trust-- it's Russia's.
President Putin was extremely strong and powerful
in his denial today, and what he did is an incredible offer.
He offered to have the people working on the case
come and work with their investigators
with respect to the 12 people.
I think that's an incredible offer.
(laughter, groaning)
Are you shitting me?
So, so Putin offered to help investigate his own crime,
and President Art of the Deal over here says,
"What an incredible offer."
Like, how is this real life?
Either Putin has something on Trump--
which is why he's doing whatever he wants--
or Trump is just an idiot who got played.
And, honestly, I-I don't know.
Like, what did we expect?
This is what you get when you put a KGB agent
up against a KFC agent.