Are you in a relationship with a narcissist and afraid that that discard phase is coming
soon and want to know what to do about it.
By the end of this video, you're going to know exactly what to expect and what not to
do when it happens.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung Top 1% attorney and the bestselling author of the books, Negotiate
Like You M.a.t.t.e.r and breaking free a step by step divorce guide.
And I've helped thousands, maybe millions of people go from lives of drama, trauma,
and chaos to step into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose.
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So you're in a relationship with a narcissist and you're not sure what's coming next, but
you feel like the end might be near.
Maybe you're the one who's getting ready to end it.
But if you think that you are getting ready to be discarded by a narcissist, and if you
want to know more about the discard phase, definitely check out my video on narcissistic
discarding.
Because I have videos on all the different phases of a narcissistic relationship, but
it always ends with the discard.
So if you think that you're getting ready to be discarded by a narcissist, there are
a number of things that you want to make sure you keep in mind not to ever, ever, ever do.
Number one is don't cry, scream, or show tons of emotion.
When you do that, you are actually giving the narcissist, narcissistic supply.
I know that sounds crazy, but it actually feeds their ego when they see you getting
emotional.
So cry into your pillow, scream in the shower, do whatever you need to do to stop yourself
from showing the other person that you are emotional about it.
You don't want ... You know that old commercial, Never let Them See You Sweat, that's exactly
what you want to do in a situation like this especially if you're getting ready to negotiate
with the narcissist, which is what I talk a lot about in my work, in my videos, in my
courses.
And one of the big, big, big no-nos is over letting them see you get upset, because they
absolutely do get narcissistic supply from that.
If you want to know more about what narcissistic supply is and how it's just anything that
feeds their ego, check out my video on narcissistic supply because I go into a lot more detail
on that.
But basically narcissistic supply is anything that feeds a narcissist ego.
So it can be what would feed anybody's ego, like lots of compliments and or having lots
of money or prestigious house or something like that.
But most of the time where narcissists get their supply is from making them feel like
they're superior to others, degrading people, devaluing people, manipulating people, intimidation
tactics, things like that.
And when you go into this discard phase and maybe even a divorce is happening or maybe
it's the disillusion of a business partnership, and you're trying to get out of a career or
a work relationship with this particular person.
They always get worse before they get better because that narcissistic injury gets triggered
and that narcissistic rage comes flying out and it makes it so much worse for you.
So they always get worse before the end, right before they're ready to give up or right before
the end of the real end, where you can hopefully never have to see or talk to that person again.
I know because I've had to deal with a couple of narcissists myself.
I've had to deal with it in my law practice, of course, but I've also had to deal with
it with a couple of people in my personal life.
So don't cry, don't get upset, don't show them that emotion.
That's number one.
So what do you do instead of showing all that emotion, you just either agree with them or
you do whatever you need to do to just smile and not let them know that they're getting
to you.
The next thing you don't want to do is either give excuses for their behavior or take excuses
from them about their behavior.
They do not have the same moral compass as you.
They do not even act on the same plane as you.
They're very used to deflecting their behavior onto others, projecting it onto you, doing
whatever they need to do if they are accused of something.
And so you don't want to allow them to manipulate you into believing their excuses and believing
their lies.
And so just be really, really careful, especially as you go into the discard phase.
I've seen this as a divorce attorney, where people will come into my office and say that
this person is a pathological liar and lies about everything.
And then they'll come to me and they'll say, well, they said that they're going to be willing
to drop the lawsuit if I do this, this and this.
Or they say that, "You're not the best lawyer for me because you have too much work."
Or, "All you want is money."
Or something like that.
And I have to remind them that you're the one that told me that this person is a pathological
liar and this person is a manipulator, so be really, really careful about what they
need ... They're going to do what they need to do to try to continue to have that control
over you because they like to have that coercive control over you.
So if you want to know more about coercive control then definitely check out my video
on coercive control.
And if you have seen this behavior and you know that I'm right, give me a yes in the
comments.
The next thing you should definitely not do is believe that they're going to change or
accept any of their excuses.
They're going to come back, as I said before, and try to manipulate you and try to get you
to try to love bomb you, sometimes it's called hoovering, but it's really just trying to
manipulate you back into their web of control.
They're going to try to get themselves back into that spot in your life where they are
the only ones that have control over you.
So they're going to attack anyone else that might have control over you now at this point.
And they're also going to do whatever they need to do to get you to stop doing what you're
doing as far as getting out of the relationship.
So they're discarding.
Even if they're discarding you, they can still come back and hoover you.
It's the craziest thing, it seems, but if they still think that there's some supply
to be gotten from being in a relationship with you or even having you around, or just
like keeping you on a shelf.
Even if they're moved on to a new source of supply, if they can still get supply out of
you in some way, they're going to just try to keep you around.
So don't fall for it.
The next thing not to do is to not to blame yourself or take any of this personally.
This is probably one of the hardest things not to do, because they are constantly wanting
you to think that it is your fault, wanting you to think that you are to blame for everything.
They've spent the entire relationship, trying to make you feel that way.
Right?
So you don't want them to feel that way.
If you don't want to feel that way, don't take that on.
The way they treat other people is a direct reflection of the way they feel about themselves.
A fantastic book that you can read is called The Four Agreements.
It made a huge impact on my life and it's four agreements that you make with yourself.
I'll actually drop a link to the book below.
And one of the four agreements that you make with yourself, is never to take anything personally.
So watch lots more of my videos, come join me in my free webinar.
Do whatever you need to do to stop blaming yourself for this.
Don't take it on, don't feel guilty, this is not your fault, this is a result of a person
who is a broken person.
Narcissists are broken people, and that's just all there is to it.
So you just need to do what you need to do to protect yourself and get out of the relationship
in the best way that you possibly can.
And that's what I'm here to help you do.
So if you are getting ready to negotiate with the narcissists, make sure to grab my free
Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet.
Just go to winmynegotiation.com and get it.
And if you like this video, give it a like, give it a share if you think it would be helpful
for somebody else.
And also make sure that you've subscribed to my channel and hit that notification bell.
If you want extra support, come on over and join me in my free private Facebook group,
it's called Narcissist Negotiators With Rebecca Zung and we'll make sure we'll drop links
to all of that below as well.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm so glad you stopped by my channel, and I'm so glad that you're here.
Remember that today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I'll see you in the next video.