- All right, y'all.
Today is going to be a little different.
There's a network exec coming in to check out the show.
This could be a massive opportunity for us.
- Are you about to sell our souls to the devil?
- No, why would you say that?
- You just said a network exec is coming.
- What the (beep) else does that mean?
- They don't let YouTubers in that kind of stuff, Todd.
They talk too much.
- Guys, that stuff's just a conspiracy.
- Well, how would you know that if you're not in it?
- All right, can we just take the show seriously today?
That's all I ask.
- When the (beep) have I not taken it seriously?
- Pretty much every episode so far.
- He's right.
You're a (beep).
Don't worry, Marlon, you can count on me.
- Can I?
Well, where are the ingredients?
- There you go, that should be everything.
- Thanks, man. Appreciate it.
- Yeah, no problem.
- You have a good day.
- Oh, I will.
Every day is a blessing, you know?
- It is.
Oh.
Mi familia.
Here you go, I have more copies.
- Thank you. And you have a blessed day.
- Hey guys.
Welcome to "Nuke With Me,"
the cooking show
where we make gourmet foods in the microwave.
Today, we're making meat pie.
And this is a real recipe,
so make sure you follow-
- Marlon?
The
guy is here.
- Oh.
- Do we not lock doors?
- Didn't see you come in somehow.
- That's all right.
Hugh Rivers.
I'm really excited to see what you guys
have going on here, man.
It's a lot of people really excited to see you.
But you know what? Don't mind me.
You guys just do your thing.
- Nice.
I'm just going to tune my guitar,
it's what I normally do before we shoot.
Hell yeah.
Still got it.
I am so talented.
- I'm sorry about him.
- Too bad no one's discovered me.
- No.
I'm not here for you, man.
- OK. Let's begin.
Because this show is doing so well,
our success has brought us fan mail.
Our first letter is from famous actor, Hugh Jackman.
- No. Really?
Hugh Jackman?
I was just with him the other day.
Well, what does it say?
- Uh,
actually,
we don't need to do this right now.
Let's...
Let's just start the recipe.
- Oh, OK.
Well, I mean, if you get some time a little bit later,
definitely tell me what it is
because he doesn't write letters, so
must be pretty important.
- Yeah.
I'll let you know.
OK, let's begin.
Here are the ingredients for meat pie:
flour, butter, onion,
Italian seasoning, minced garlic, ground clove,
milk, instant mashed potatoes, water, and ground beef.
- Beef!
- That's what that is.
- Oh yeah, (beep) a group chat. Dope.
- Hey.
Everything all right?
- Yeah, everything's fine.
OK, we're going to start off
by taking one cup of flour,
and one and a half teaspoons of salt.
And we're gonna mix that together.
Next, I'm gonna take one cup of butter,
and microwave it for about 15 seconds to soften it up.
- I'm a tie guy, myself.
- What the (beep)?
How did this happen?
- Thump...
Thump...
Thump. - What does that mean?
- Thump.
- Just, just, just be quiet. Just be quiet.
- Thump! - Shut up, shut up.
- Thump! - Shut up.
We'll figure out who put you in here.
At the same time, you be quiet.
- It's a network executive man
I just, I, I, I can't mess this up, OK?
I'm gonna figure this out, OK?
Jus-jus-just be quiet.
Down, man.
- OK, let's keep shooting.
- We're gonna put the butter in,
and we're gonna mix it up
till it's nice and doughy.
While we're mixing that up,
we're going to add in
a little bit of water at a time.
Here we go.
You're going to take your dough,
knead it a little bit.
Once you've kneaded that a little bit,
you're gonna
gather it up
into a little ball.
Little ball of dough.
That's it for five minutes.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, OK?
Just give me- Just...
- Hairy legs.
- Hairy legs?
- They're the hairiest legs I've ever seen.
- David?
All right, jus-jus-just be quiet,
just please be quiet.
Just be quiet.
Shh, it's OK, it's OK.
Shh, it's OK.
OK.
After you let your ball of dough sit for five minutes,
we're gonna cut it in half,
'cause we're only gonna use half of it right now.
We'll take one half, put it off to the side for now,
then we're going to roll out this half
until it's nice and flat.
Once you've done that,
we're going to put it in a pie pan.
Here we go.
Now we're gonna refrigerate
the pie pan for 20 minutes.
And we shall
wait.
- Excuse me?
I gotta go to the bathroom.
- That wasn't me.
If it was, you'd know.
Daddy likes a rolling hitch.
Just enough friction to feel pain, but
not enough to get rope burn.
- What the (beep) does that mean?
- It means I'm not sloppy
like some people.
It's just a hernia.
- Oh.
You should probably get that checked out.
- I know what you mean.
I have had one before.
It hurts.
- In a separate bowl,
we're gonna take one and a half cups of ground beef.
- Oh, beef!
- Yeah, it's (beep) beef.
- One tablespoon of minced garlic,
a half a cup of chopped onions,
one teaspoon of Italian seasoning,
one fourth teaspoon of ground clove,
and salt and pepper.
And we're gonna mix this up.
We're gonna microwave this
on high for five to seven minutes at 100% power.
- Give me something else.
- Foul breath.
- Foul breath?
- Foul breath!
- Todd.
I got it. OK.
I'ma talk to him for you.
- Calm down.
- What is this guy hiding, a (beep) gremlin?
- I apologize.
I...
I just need to talk to Todd
real quick.
Important question about, you know, sound.
- OK. All right.
No problem.
- Thanks.
- Todd, why the (beep) is the delivery man
tied up in the cabinet?
- Maybe you should ask your (beep) therapist,
you (beep) freak.
- Are you serious?
Let's not forget I'm not as stupid as you.
- Then why do you think I did it?
I can't tie rope.
Why don't you ask your closet-smart roommate,
who we know nothing about?
- Whatever, man.
- Yeah. That's what I thought.
- We're good, we're good.
Um,
OK, I need a,
need a spoon for the next step.
- Oh, I got one right here.
No problem.
- Oh.
- Impressive.
- Ew.
- Fanny pack.
- I do that too.
- You're gonna use that?
- Oh, look at that beef.
Ground beef.
In a separate bowl, take
two-thirds cup of instant mashed potatoes,
one-third cup of milk,
two-thirds cups of water,
and one tablespoon of butter.
And we're gonna microwave this
for three minutes at 100% power.
- Todd's too stupid!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no.
I need something else, you've gotta help me out here.
I need, I need help from you so I can help you out.
- Big and scary.
- Big and scary?
- No.
- So big.
So scary.
- No, no. Get off me. - OK, OK.
Just please- - Oh, please.
- ...please, please, this, this takes time.
- This takes time.
- Again, feeding the (beep) gremlin.
- Oh.
OK.
- There it is.
Now,
we're going to take our meat mixture,
and combine it with the mashed potato mixture.
All right.
Keep it... Keep mixing up the ground beef!
- Beef!
And once that's mixed up,
we're gonna get
the pie pan out of the refrigerator.
Now,
we're going to put our mashed potato in ground beef mixture
into the pie pan.
Once that's in there,
we're gonna even it out.
That way, there's not empty spaces in your pie.
We're gonna take a teaspoon of sage,
and sprinkle it.
Once you've done that,
you're gonna take your other half,
and put it on top of the pie.
And once you've done that,
you're going to cut off the excess dough.
That way, the pie is pretty.
I'm going to put some holes in the top
to give the filling some air.
- All right,
now we're going to put the pie in the microwave
for 11 minutes at 100% power,
or until the
crust is fully cooked.
- Jesus Christ!
- What?
What's going on?
- Hey!
- Oh, (beep).
- Jesus.
- Whoa.
- This show is full of surprises.
- What the (beep) are you?
- I'm the half-man, half-kangaroo!
I have been hunting people
who've been selling kangaroo meat on the market.
Kangaroo lives matter too,
and I'm doing my part.
- Well, that was just ground beef.
I asked the delivery guy to write kangaroo on the package
to make things more sexy.
- Let this be a lesson to the lot of you.
Kangaroos have feelings too.
- That was the weirdest (beep) thing.
- Why did that exist?
- That was (beep) stupid.
- It was dumb.
- I'm all about sex appeal.
- The pie's done.
Ooh.
That boy.
OK.
Let's see what I've done.
Oh.
You know?
I've done it again.
- What the hell?
We have to call the police.
- No.
- No, no, we can't do that.
We can't have the cops here again.
- Why?
- Shut the (beep) up, that's why.
Stop being a bitch.
Plus, I have a better idea.
Want to be internet famous?