Rebekah: Hey guys.
It’s Bex here and I am here again with my good friend Quentin Vennie from QuentinVennie.com
and he is going to be talking about all kinds of issues that we’re dealing with over the
course of three videos, and issues meaning the things that all of us universally are
feeling and struggling with, and we want to deal with now, now that it’s the new year
and we really want to move ahead with our lives.
Twenty fifteen!
Quentin: Yeah.
It’s a big deal.
Rebekah: I’m very excited about 2015.
So today we’re going to be talking about the three reasons that you are anxious and
unhappy.
You might be saying to yourself, “I’m not anxious.
I’m not unhappy.”
But you are and you have to watch this video, to find out why.
So I have been reading your incredible articles on Mind Body Green.
You’re so prolific in your writing.
I wish – gosh, I wish I could do that.
But I can’t.
So I’m just going to have you talk about it.
One of your latest articles was the three reasons that we are anxious and unhappy and
it was really insightful.
Quentin: Well, thank you.
One of the main points is just finding comfort and complacency.
I think that a lot of times, we can become complacent in where we are in our lives, with
our behaviors, just with everything in general.
And that often leads to being unhappy because you’re not really taking full advantage
of who you are, your opportunities or your potential for that matter.
So you have to learn how to step outside of your complacency and step outside of your
comfort zone in order to discover who you really are or in order to become who you’re
really looking to be.
Rebekah: But do we always have to be pushing ourselves?
Because I’m hearing that – why isn’t it OK for me to just be comfortable where
I am and not be striving for something better?
Quentin: I mean well, the reality is that I feel like personally, I feel like life is
bigger than just us.
All right?
So if our purpose and our intention is to be a blessing or be something better to other
people, then why limit that?
We limit ourselves in so many ways.
Rebekah: Because it’s so easy.
Quentin: That’s it.
Life has its difficult points but it’s ease in being uncomfortable often, if you really
look at it in a certain way.
You can find comfort in discomfort.
It’s something that we’ve talked about before.
Rebekah: Contradiction.
Quentin: It’s the natural contradictions in life.
But you will never know how great you can be or how much you can accomplish if you don’t
take the necessary steps to do it.
For me, I’m from Baltimore, born and raised.
Love my city.
But moving from Baltimore was probably the best thing that I’ve ever done in my life
because I had a chance to experience so much more than what I thought my world was at that
moment.
I could have been the greatest personal trainer, whatever it was I was going to be in Baltimore.
But because I found a way to escape that, I stopped being comfortable in my own complacency
of being in Baltimore.
I’ve been able to inspire people worldwide, not just people that could actually physically
touch me.
Rebekah: So in the words of two very wise thinkers of our generation Salt-N-Pepa, push
it.
Quentin: Yeah, you got to.
Rebekah: Got to push it.
Quentin: Absolutely.
Unequivocally.
Rebekah: So number two, I have here that you wrote the fear of being wrong.
Quentin: OK.
Rebekah: It keeps us anxious and unhappy.
Quentin: Yeah, I think so because we often look at being wrong as like the worst case
scenario, arguments, debates.
Everybody, like we’re just terrified of being wrong.
It’s like it doesn’t matter what the situation is.
We will argue that point into the death of us, right?
Without really understanding or realizing that there’s so much value in being wrong.
Rebekah: And what’s that?
Quentin: That’s how you learn.
How else do you learn outside of repetition, right?
You learn …
Rebekah: I don’t like this one by the way.
Quentin: You learn so much from being wrong.
It’s like if your mom ever told you don’t touch the stove.
It’s hot.
You’re like, “OK.
When she’s not around, I’m not going to touch the stove.”
But eventually you’re going to touch that stove and you’re going to burn yourself
and you’re going to realize that it was hot, right?
You are wrong in making that decision to touch the stove after your mother distinctly told
you not to do it.
But you would have never known 100 percent unequivocally had you not done it, right?
So if we’re having a debate, we’re having an argument or there’s a discussion about
something and you’re wrong, acknowledge that you’re wrong.
Accept that you’re wrong.
Take the lessons that come along with it and move forward in a positive light.
Gain wisdom, right?
In my personal opinion, in order to gain wisdom, you have to find that balance.
Rebekah: Yeah, it’s true.
It’s where I resist but I have the saying that I use a lot even when I resist it.
It’s, “Sometimes I win and sometimes I learn.”
That’s basically what that is.
When I’m losing, it could be I’m losing an argument or I have failed in an attempt
to something but I’m always learning.
So it’s a big thing.
Quentin: Think about Michael Jordan.
How would he have ever known – how would he have ever accomplished as much as he did
in the sport of basketball had he not been cut from his high school team.
We learn from disappointments.
We learn from mistakes.
We learn from failures.
We learn from being wrong.
Rebekah: How do you know then when something is for you or when it’s not for you?
Because say you’re cut.
Maybe he’s just really bad at basketball.
How many attempts does it take or what’s the sign that says, OK, it’s time for me
to move on to something that I’m more suited for?
Quentin: I think you can determine that for yourself.
I mean you have to just – you have to find a place of being real with yourself.
It doesn’t matter if you wanted to play – like he wanted to play baseball.
Rebekah: I remember that.
Quentin: He sucked.
Did he stay in the league for 15 years and thought to become a Major League player?
Rebekah: Was it the baby sneezing behind the camera?
All right, let’s go on.
Quentin: Did he play for 10 seasons before he realized that OK, baseball is just not
my thing?
Rebekah: Right.
Quentin: You just got to follow your heart.
You have to stay true to yourself and if it’s real to you regardless of anybody else’s
opinion, continue to pursue it.
Rebekah: So this last one is something that I also have a problem with and it’s caring
about the opinions of others and only in the respect that when it’s someone I really
respect, their opinion holds so much weight and so much value to me.
So how do I temper that and make it, I don’t know, not matter or matter just a little bit
less?
Quentin: Well, I think it’s like Bruce Less said.
Essentially it’s taking what’s valuable to you that you can apply to yourself to make
you better and getting rid of the rest.
All right?
Like for instance, I know for me personally, when I was in middle school, they put me in
like this remedial English program because of my behavior, my grades.
It was like a group of like seven of us and we were – we had to read the book –
Rebekah: Oh, little Quentin.
Quentin: Yes.
We had to read the book The Contender and write a report on this.
Now mind you, this was – I went to Sudbrook, which was a very prominent school in Baltimore
County.
Rebekah: OK.
Quentin: I don’t really have to prove myself to be worthy of being a student.
So if I’ve already proven myself, then why I am being placed in some remedial class,
right?
I was told that I would never be much.
I was told that, “Oh, you’re never going to be successful,” like all through my life
with teachers and everything.
They had no idea what I was going through outside of school.
But they told me these things.
Now, had I taken those opinions of who they thought I was and applied them and made them
me, then I wouldn’t be having this conversation with you right now.
Rebekah: Right.
Quentin: I would be a statistic.
I would be the person that became everything people told me that I would be.
Rebekah: Right.
Quentin: As opposed – I changed it and I became everything that people said I wouldn’t.
So it’s like looking at the opinions of other people.
Care enough where you can take the positive out of it.
Like even when people say you’re not going to be anything, you’re not going to be successful,
I took that and I used that as my own motivation.
Rebekah: Right.
Quentin: Right?
It’s like OK, I’ve always been like kind of a rebel.
It’s like if you tell me I can’t do something, I’m going to do it not only because I just
want to be a jerk about it, but also I want to rub it in your face like hey …
Rebekah: But still not being a jerk about it.
Quentin: Well …
Rebekah: That’s OK.
Quentin: … this is like – if it’s a positive opinion, like if it’s something
like oh, you’re so wonderful, you’re so great, care enough where you can take that
in and say, “Wow, I’m glad that I’m making an impact.”
But don’t become conceited and arrogant and say, “You know what?
Yeah, you’re right.
I am so great,” because then it goes back to the other points once you become – you
know, once you become arrogant, you start to become complacent and that complacency
now, you stop growing.
Rebekah: Right.
Quentin: As long as we strive to become better and strive to accomplish more, there’s always
more to learn.
But I always tell people that you can’t tell any – you can’t tell anyone anything
if they feel they know everything.
Rebekah: Cool.
Quentin: So …
Rebekah: Tweet that.
Quentin: So tweet them.
Rebekah: Good one.
Quentin: So at the end of the day, care about those opinions but don’t make other people’s
opinions change the perception you have of yourself.
Rebekah: I think this is very relatable to so many people because of something that we
all do every single day and that’s checking the social media and I know that people understand
that they’re not supposed to compare themselves to others and that other people’s – like
the illusion that’s online is not necessarily reality.
You can’t compare your reality to their illusion.
But we’re doing it anyway.
And I think even when we post a picture and then we go back to see how many likes that
gets, how many of us can just post something on Instagram and let it go?
Quentin: Right.
Rebekah: Never look at the likes.
Quentin: Yeah, it’s rare.
Rebekah: Right.
So, make that a practice.
That’s even like a small practice that you can do to remove yourself from the opinions
of others and make that not matter so much.
Maybe put something out there and then just let it sit.
Quentin: Yeah.
Rebekah: See how that feels.
Quentin: I’ve challenged myself of that, you know.
Rebekah: Me too.
Quentin: I’ve placed my value on whatever I put out based on the response that I get
from other people.
It’s like so if I write an article and that article was only seen by 20 people, why am
I all of a sudden feeling like I didn’t do my job?
Rebekah: Yeah, we’ve had this conversation.
Quentin: Right.
Rebekah: Yeah.
Quentin: But even if it reaches that one person and that’s it, then I did exactly what I
set up to do.
So it’s like stop putting that – stop putting your own value and stop painting that
picture of yourself based on somebody else’s view.
It’s like what you put in the frame has nothing to do with me.
If you look at me a certain way, great!
You know what I mean?
But that can’t change who I feel like I am to myself.
Rebekah: Well, putting all that aside, we want you guys to please voice all of your
opinions of us in this video, everything that you heard here in the comments below and we
promise that we’re going to check in again and again and read them all and answer them.
But we aren’t going to look at maybe the likes or the views on the video, only your
comments.
So please do that and please remember to connect with Quentin at QuentinVennie.com.
He has so many amazing things to offer including your Monday emails.
You have to sign up for his newsletter because what you get, the little gifts that you’re
going to get every single Monday, are priceless.
They’re my favorite things going on right now.
So thank you so much and let’s get ready for another hot topic.
Quentin: Let’s go.
Rebekah: Or maybe not so hot.
Who knows?
You will tell us.