(audience cheering)
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Now, okay.
Not much time.
(chuckles)
Love you, Conan! Good evening.
Thank you, thank you.
Good evening,
and welcome to a very special episode of "Late Night".
Tonight's program begins with a story.
Before every show,
I come out and I talk to the audience,
get to know them,
and most importantly, implore them to laugh.
It's tradition.
(audience laughs)
Well, about a year ago,
I began to notice that every night,
there were two or three people from Finland in the crowd.
Much to my surprise, I learned our show airs in Finland,
and does quite well over there.
Then, one night, one of our Finnish fans in the audience
brought me a photo and pointed out that I looked just like
the president of Finland, Tarja Halonen.
(audience chuckles and cheers)
Check it out.
(audience cheering)
Well, then things got a lot more interesting.
President Halonen, you see,
was in the middle of a close re-election campaign,
and I decided to help.
(audience laughs)
I didn't know anything about her politics.
(audience laughs)
I just enjoy looking like the president of a country.
(audience laughs)
Even if it's a woman.
(audience laughs)
So, we made silly campaign ads in Finnish supporting her,
which aired in Finland.
As a result, President Halonen was handily reelected
in a stunning 3% landslide.
(audience cheering) Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
Don't mess with me.
Well, the next step for me was clear.
I had to go to Finland and see this country,
whose fate had mysteriously become entwined with my own.
(audience laughs)
Tonight, for a full hour,
you will join me as I travel through this amazing land
and meet the great and noble people of Finland.
Our adventure begins as my plane lands in the capital,
the city of Helsinki.
I had no idea what to expect,
and it was a day I will not soon forget.
(dramatic orchestra music)
(audience laughs)
(audience applauds)
(audience cheering)
[Crowd] Conan, Conan, Conan, Conan,
Conan, Conan, Conan, Conan, Conan, Conan!
(crowd cheering)
Greetings, people of Finland!
(crowd cheering)
(audience laughing)
Long live Finland!
(crowd cheering)
I'm here for five days!
I'll see you around!
(crowd cheering)
(slow instrumental music)
Thank you very much for welcoming me this way.
If you don't mind, I'd like to read a brief statement
in your own language.
(crowd laughing)
(speaks in foreign language)
(audience laughing)
Thank you.
(crowd clapping)
Yes?
What will you talk about with President Tarja Halonen
when you meet her on Tuesday?
What will I discuss?
I'm interested in a cabinet position.
What kind of minister position do you want?
I'd like to be the Inspector of Saunas.
(audience laughing)
Mostly women's saunas.
Occasionally male saunas, if the man's good-looking
and in his late 20s.
(audience laughing)
(whimsical xylophone music)
(audience laughing)
(audience laughs)
Picture.
Oh, sorry.
(woman speaking in foreign language)
Oh my god.
What's your name?
Salma.
Pen doesn't work, frozen.
(girls chuckling)
(crowd laughs) I do see
Finns are very reserved, is that true, you think?
Well, it varies from person to person, of course,
but that's the stereotype of the Finnish person.
Would you describe yourself
as a reserved Finnish person,
or kind of a crazy Finnish person?
Well, on weekends, yeah.
I'm a bit crazy, yes.
What's you at your craziest?
I'd like to run for offices
that I can't reach.
Like, the Bank of Finland
and the work around Parliament.
I've run all these posts,
but I never have any success.
So, when you have too much to drink,
you run for public office?
(crowd laughs)
Yes, well, that's pretty much it.
If someone's giving you a hard time,
would you ever say, "Get off my back, man!"
Would you ever do that?
Well, that's only human, of course.
Can we hear you do that?
Pretend I'm giving you a hard time.
Hey, hey buddy, hey buddy, hey buddy.
Hey buddy.
Come on.
Oh my God, stop that, you madman!
(crowd laughs)
Wow, that was,
that was-- That was pretty deranged,
but I have a little bad throat,
but that wasn't my-- That was crazy.
(crowd laughs) (sultry music)
(speaks in Finnish)
You watch my show? Of course.
Yeah.
Were you excited that I was coming to Finland
when you found out? Yeah.
You should do more Walker from Texas.
Do more Walker Texas?
Yeah. Walker, Texas Ranger?
Yeah. You love it
when we do the Walker, Texas Ranger bit?
Let me ask you about your hat.
It says Pet Shop Boys.
Are you a big, you like the Pet Shop Boys?
Yeah.
You should have them on your show.
Well, I think they, they're dead, aren't they?
Are they still alive? (girl laughs)
So, you like Pet Shop Boys
and you like Late Night with Conan O'Brien?
Yeah. Oh, okay.
Wow, that makes me feel
like my show is right on the cutting edge.
It's me, Conan!
Ain't that exciting?
(men chattering)
You guys wanted me, and here I am!
China. What?
China.
Oh! Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were from Finland.
No, we're from China. Oh, 'cause it's me.
It's Conan O'Brien.
Look at this.
(Conan murmurs)
I'll do the old, no?
This is in central harbor.
Pretty much, the water's frozen over.
One of the advantages is that if you miss your cruise,
you can walk after it.
(crowd laughs)
Just walk quickly, you should catch the boat
within 10, 15 minutes,
and they'll let you back on again.
(crowd laughs)
[Boat Captain] Conan O'Brien?
Yes, that's me.
[Boat Captain] Why don't you come up here?
[Conan] May I come aboard?
[Boat Captain] Yeah, you walk up.
Incredible, this country,
I'm just randomly invited on boats.
Oh, nice!
It's convenient.
Look at this, right here.
Look at that,
that's an ominous diagram right there.
It's that something
that happens daily here? (crowd laughs)
Is that so you know what a sinking boat looks like?
We can tell the Finns are a hard drinking people.
This is just a tugboat,
and it needs one, two, three reminders not
to drink martinis.
(instrumental orchestra music)
(audience laughs)
This is Avery.
He's a doctor from the United States.
You're visiting in a conference?
Yes, I am.
Just a fun cruise for you right now?
Pretty much, just sightseeing.
Right, sightseeing.
I have not seen a living thing.
I mean, I haven't seen any wildlife at all.
There's rumor that there was a polar bear
on one of those islands over there,
but he shot himself.
(doctor mumbles)
He just couldn't take it anymore.
That's cool, what kind of doctor are you?
Dermatologist.
Okay
can you see there's like a,
some freckle on the upper back.
(audience laughing)
Okay, okay I think that's about it.
Right there.
It's okay, stop, stop, okay.
See?
Didn't listen.
(audience laughing) Had to do it your way.
Fins.
(audience laughing)
this is the Sauna-Seura.
Which is Finish for sauna society.
It's a place where people can have a sauna.
They can come here, relax,
and reenact the climax from Fargo.
(audience laughing)
(melancholic music)
(gunshot)
(Speaking foreign language)
please say is again.
(speaking foreign language)
Oh now you're talking Finish.
Well main language is, I've forgotten it already.
Now, Charles.
It's Charles, right?
Now correct me if I'm wrong,
the concept is you go into a room, super heated.
Right. You get the body very,
very, very, very, very, very hot.
Right. Then you run outside
Yeah and cool it, cool it
and you jump in extremely cold water.
Ya
This is the Baltic sea?
Yes, actually it's the sea.
You don't realize it's the sea because it's frozen.
Right.
But it is salt water.
It's salt water but normally this time of the year,
like February we have so cold that
even the salt water freezes.
Look at that.
That's incredible, you know you're in Finland
when someone says, "I'm gonna go,
I'm gonna go take my dog out,
I'll take Rover out for a walk on the frozen Baltic sea".
(audience laughing)
Now that guy out there ice fishing.
Way, way out there, we got here several hours ago,
and he was in the exact same position.
Just sitting there, and it's bitterly cold out here.
Is there any chance that he's dead?
No
You sure? he's sitting
But how do you know?
Ya if he was lying down I think he's dead.
But a lot of people just die, and slump over.
(audience laughing). I see it on the subway all the time.
(audience laughing).
So this is actually where the dunking takes place.
Yes The emersion
and they walk down these stairs, and they
Just keep on walking down till your
water level up here.
If you stop in the middle you come back,
because it's freezing cold, you know.
When you go in the water you must be naked
is that the custom?
You can do it I a bathing suit, but what there to hide?
A penis.
You wanna hide your penis.
Ashamed.
Yeah. Some people
It's twisted to the left
What ye, if you go in water like this.
If you go in water like this,
It's got a weird bump in it.
it will be so little.
It's and odd color.
(speaking Finnish)
(afflicted cheering)
Good luck
Thank you.
Good luck
(chuckles)
(crowd laughing)
Good job.
Can we have a group photo with you?
I will let you get that as soon as you get dressed.
(group laughing)
(crowd laughing)
No group photos now
(crowd laughing)
[Charles] This is the sisu thing.
[Conan] Sisu is the word for fortitude.
[Charles] Yeah. [Conan] Yeah.
[Charles] And after the sauna you take a sausage,
something to eat, something salty because you lose
you body minerals in this process.
Well I find,
after I've been hanging around a lot of naked men,
the first thing I want to do is bite into a sausage.
(crowd laughing)
Yeah, its a weird thing.
It's sausage time.
Hey fellas that was a lot of fun,
lets go chew on some sausage.
Yeah you got your wiener exhibition
and then afterwards you eat sausage
Yeah.
That's something.
You just spelled it out too much, but the point is.
You have this custom and God bless you.
That's what I say.
More power to you.
(playful xylophone and piano)
(crowd cheering)