YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST FROM "SILICON VALLEY" AND "DEADPOOL."
HIS NEW STANDUP SPECIAL IS "METICULOUSLY RIDICULOUS."
PLEASE WELCOME T.J. MILLER!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
>> IT'S A WORRY RING I WEAR AFTER THE ELECTION.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S A WORRY RING I WEAR WHEN I HAVE ANXIETY.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
I HAVE ONE OF THOSE, TOO.
>> I HAVE IT ON BOTH SIDES.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU MARRIED?
I AM.
MY WIFE'S RIGHT BACK THERE.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
YOUR WIFE'S BACK THERE?
HELLO!
>> CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
SOMEBODY FELL FOR IT!
>> Stephen: WHAT'S HER NAME?
HEY, IT'S KATE MILLER, EVERYBODY!
>> I WAS IN A MOVIE CALLED SHE'S OUT OF MY LEAGUE AND IT'S ALSO
MY LIFE.
IT'S SO RIDICULOUS BUT SHE'S AMAZING.
WE'RE ALSO VERY BAD CHESS PLAYERS WHO WOULD LIKE TO INVITE
YOU TO PLAY BAD CHESS.
I JUST MOVED TO NEW YORK AND I'M VERY EXCITED TO BE HERE, YOU
GUYS.
>> Stephen: WHAT DREW YOU TO THE BIG CITY OF DREAMS.
>> STANDUP COMEDY.
SHE MOVED UP AFTER COLLEGE AND I WENT TO VISIT HER AND WENT TO A
STANDUP COMEDIAN AND I FOLLOWED HIM BECAUSE I OVERHEARD HE WENT
TO THE CELLULAR AFTER THIS SET AND HAD ANOTHER SET AFTER THAT
SO I FOLLOWED HIM LIKE A REAL CREEPY GUY TO EACH OF TEASE
COMIC SHOWS AND SAW HOW HE CHANGED HIS ACT AND IT BLEW MY
MIND THAT YOU COULD DO FIVE, SIX SETS, TEN SETS -- I'VE DONE TEN
SETS IN ONE NIGHT IN NEW YORK CITY, AND I'M A PUBLIC SERVANT
AND COMEDY'S THE OPIATE I OFFER AS A DRUG DEALER TO YOU.
ESPECIALLY RIGHT NOW.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE A VERY BUSY MAN.
YOU'RE STARRING IN TH THE EMOJI MOVIE, THE NEW "DEADPOOL" MOVIE
AND THE OLD "DEADPOOL" MOVIE.
>> I AM STARRING IN A MOVIE THAT IS CALLED "THE EMOJI MOVIE."
( LAUGHTER ) I KNOW WE'RE LIVING IN A POST,
POST REAL SOCIETY WITH THIS ADMINISTRATION, BUT IT'S ALSO
I'M IN A MOVIE ABOUT EMOJIS CALLED "THE EMOJI" GO AHEAD.
>> Stephen: THEY MADE A GAME CALLED BATTLESHIP.
>> YES, WHICH WASN'T AS GOOD AS THE FIRST.
HOLLYWOOD, WHAT WILL YOU DEAL US NEXT?
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A NEW STANDUP ON HBO CALLED
"METICULOUSLY RIDICULOUS."
>> YES, IT'S JUNE 17 ON HBO.
I INVITE YOU ALL TO WATCH IT AND SORT OF BE POLARIZED AS TO
WHETHER OR NOT YOU HATE IT OR LOVE IT.
>> Stephen: WHY WOULD WOULD ANYONE HATE IT?
THIS IS COMEDY, THE OPIATE OF THE MASSIVE.
>> IT'S A DIVISIVE SPECIAL.
IT'S ONE OF THE ONLY ONES WHO IS WORKING AND AN ANIHILIST.
A POS PIF ANIHILIST.
>> Stephen: ISN'T THAT CALLED AN OP OPTIMIST?
( APPLAUSE ) >> TRULY THE BEST IN THE GAME!
UPONLY ONE REVIEW HAS COME IN FOR THE SPECIAL.
FROM THE SIOUX CITY JOURNAL.
>> Stephen: OH.
THAT'S A TOUGH CROWD.
>> AND IT IS THE BEST.
>> Stephen: SIOUX CITY, IOWA?
I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE SIOUX CITY IS.
I THINK IT'S IN IOWA, RIGHT?
>> Stephen: YEAH.
YEAH!
WELL, THIS GUY NAMED BRUCE MILLER ABSOLUTELY PANNED THE
SPECIAL, ATTACKED THE IDIOCY OF IT.
IT'S WELL WRITTEN, WHICH I ALSO LOVE.
HE WRITES, THERE IS A GREAT DEAL OF STRUTTING IN THE SPECIAL.
MILLER HAS A HABIT OF DEMONSTRATING HIS INTELLIGENCE,
BUT IT DOESN'T LEAD ANYWHERE -- ANYWHERE FUNNY, THAT IS.
PRETTY GOOD.
AND RIGHT FROM THE THREE-POINT LINE, BRUCE, SWISH!
( LAUGHTER ) AND THEN IT SAYS --
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, NO ONE WOULD HAVE READ THIS UNTIL YOU
READ IT OUT LOUD, RIGHT?
YOU'RE UPDRAFTING A MAN WHO HATES YOU RIGHT NOW.
>> I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT.
SO THEN HE WRITES, WHEN HE LAM POONS HIMSELF AS A STAR OF OWING
WHERE BEAR 3-D, WHICH I NEVER MADE FUN OF MYSELF FOR DOING
THAT, THAT'S THE GREATEST TALKING BEAR COMEDY IN THE
HISTORY OF CINEMA, WHEN HE LAM POONS HIMSELF, HE'S MUCH BETTER
OFF.
MILLER ADMITS HE SPENT $73,000 LAST YEAR ON CARNIVAL GAMES
ALONE, A BIT OF INSIGHT INTO HIS TENDENCIES.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THAT'S A LOT OF
MONEY.
( APPLAUSE ) >> NOW, LOOK, AS AN ABSURDIST,
THAT IS AN ABSURDIST PIECE OF MATERIAL.
IT'S NOT TRUE.
BUT THIS MAN IN SIOUX CITY, IOWA, BELIEVES THAT I SPENT 73 7
73 -- CARNIVAL GAMES COST BETWEEN 1 AND $5 USUALLY -- I
KNOW THIS BECAUSE I HAVE A PROBLEM, RIGHT?
( LAUGHTER ) BUT THE IDEA YOU HAVE WOULD HAVE
TO PLAY 30,000 GAMES TO SPEND $73,000, WHAT DOES HE THINK
I'M -- ACTUALLY, IT'S WHY I LEFT SILICON VALLEY.
ALL I DO IS PLAY CARNIVAL GAMES EVERY DAY.
KATE AND I, WE TRAVEL WITH THE COUNTY FAIR AND WE GO, FLY, MEET
THEM THERE AND I PLAY MORNINGS TO NIGHT.
I'VE HIRED A GUY WHO STANDS NEXT TO ME WITH A BRASS BALL OVER THE
BUCKET AND WHEN I START TO FALL ASLEEP, H HE DROPS THE BALL IN
THE BUCKET AND I KIND OF WAKE UP AND KEEP THROWING THE DART AT
THE BALLOONS!
( CARNIVAL UKE MUSIC PLAYING ) SO I THINK IT'S POSSIBLE SOME
PEOPLE MAY NOT GET THE SPECIAL, AND ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE BETRAYED
HIS OWN NAME -- BRUCE, IF YOU'RE OUT THERE LISTENING, YOU FOOL.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU FOOL.
IT WOULD BE PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO EVER IN ANY WAY,
SHAPE OR FORM SPEND $73,000 PLAYING CARNIVAL GAMES.
THE IDEA THAT YOU BELIEVE IT -- IN FACT, KATE -- I KNOW.
( LAUGHTER ) SO KATE SURMISED --
>> Stephen: JUST SO WE KNOW, WE TURNED OFF THE CAMERA ABOUT
TWO MINUTE AGO.
>> FINE, FINE.
ROUGH RIFF HEY, LISTEN, BUDDY, FOR ME, IF THIS IS ABOUT THE
PEOPLE AT HOME, WHO CARES ABOUT THAT.
IT'S ABOUT YOU GUYS RIGHT HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: "METICULOUSLY
RIDICULOUS" PREMIERES THIS SATURDAY ON HBO.
T. J. MILLER, EVERYBODY!