Zack Snyder's undead epic "Army of the Dead" breathes new life into the zombie apocalypse.
And viewers beware: spoilers ahead!
Not only does the film feature a reanimated tiger and a zombified horse trotting around
the decimated city of Las Vegas, but the biters in the movie are unlike any zombies we've
seen before.
Now, most zombie lore would have you believe that, when it comes to the undead, all bites
are created equal.
It doesn't matter if you're patient zero or the billionth victim.
But "Army of the Dead" takes a different approach.
"What are you talking about?
They don't think.
If they come, we kill them."
"You don't understand."
"They're not what you think they are."
So, let's break down the zombie hierarchy introduced in "Army of the Dead" and see what
these feisty flesheaters can really do.
Creation: A bite from a shambler or an alpha.
Strengths: Sheer numbers, and the ability to hibernate.
Weaknesses: They're dumb, slow, and easy to kill.
Say hello to the Shamblers.
They're lower on the undead hierarchy than the alphas, but these slow, ravenous corpses
can easily overwhelm you in large numbers.
Luckily, they're not that tough to take down.
Shamblers are a lot like the zombies of yore: their sole purpose is to devour all the un-turned
humans they can find.
These are the creatures that will remind you most of the ones you've seen in projects like
George A. Romero's genre-defining zombie films and shows like "The Walking Dead."
They're not smart or sophisticated.
They're just mindless hobblers in search of a living snack.
"Come on fool!"
The shamblers in "Army of the Dead" do have some frightening skills, though.
Similar to the infected in Will Smith's "I Am Legend," these zombies can hibernate.
Meanwhile, zombies that have dried out in the harsh Nevada sun rehydrate in the rain,
a sight we are mercifully spared from in the film.
"You should see what happens when it rains.
For a few hours they'll all come back to life."
"Oh sheisse."
However, shamblers are still the weakest of the bunch.
They're slow, dumb, and easy to fight in small groups.
When Tanaka's mercenaries encounter small groups of shamblers, it doesn't take much
to put them down.
You might want to save some bullets for when you encounter an alpha.
These guys are tough and even coordinate their attacks.
The average shambler can be avoided or dispatched rather easily.
Alpha zombies, on the other hand, possess a lot of skills that shamblers lack, including
the ability to organize.
"You all keep talking about this city like it's their prison.
It's not; it's their kingdom."
In addition to being intellectually enhanced, the alpha zombies in "Army of the Dead" are
also physically dominant.
They're stronger and faster than the shamblers, and they work together, hunting in formations
that make their attacks even more dangerous.
Whether they're hopping on cars or dropping down elevator shafts, very little can stop
these hungry troops.
Of course, the alphas aren't the first fast or strong zombies to grace our screens.
We've seen walkers become more like runners in plenty of other zombie flicks, like "28
Days Later," "Zombieland," the instant-classic "Train to Busan," "World War Z," and Zack
Snyder's own re-imagining of George Romero's "Dawn of the Dead."
But because the "Army of the Dead" alphas have brains in addition to brawn, they're
especially menacing.
Even the savviest zombie has its fatal flaws, though, and the alphas in "Army of the Dead"
are no exceptions.
As per zombie movie tradition, both shamblers and the alphas can be killed by going for
the head.
"When it comes to killing them, it's all about the brain."
"Brain."
"One comes at you, shoot it in the brain.
It's that simple.
Any questions?"
"Yes.
What if I took a big rock and smashed it into the head.
Would that work?"
"Yeah…"
It's a lot harder to take out an athletic alpha than a slow-moving shambler, but it's
definitely not impossible.
Sitting high above all the alphas and shamblers is the undead king that started it all, and
rightfully so.
He's got the brains, the braun, and - most importantly - the bite.
Of all of the zombies in "Army of the Dead," Zeus has the most dangerous physical traits:
He knows how to use human weapons and protective gear.
He is exceedingly intelligent and phenomenally strong.
And he can turn anyone and anything into an alpha.
"That's a goddamn zombie tiger.
That's crossing the line."
While it's probably best not to imagine how Zeus and his queen conceived a child, the
fact that they have a romantic bond is intriguing.
Emotional zombies aren't entirely new ideas, of course.
In "Warm Bodies," the zombie at the center of the paranormal romcom maintains a morsel
of his humanity, ultimately falling for a still-living person.
In Peter Jackson's "Braindead," two zombies bump uglies and create an undead baby, although
that mating isn't exactly true love.
By contrast, in "Army of the Dead," Zeus' passion is important: When the zombie queen
dies, Zeus uses his grief to rile up his alphas and spur them into action.
"Let's go!"
Zeus' bleeding heart is also his biggest weakness.
While the heist team struggles to physically destroy Zeus' noggin, they get into his head
by murdering his queen.
Zeus is still a force to be reckoned with -- a zombie scorned is a furious creature
indeed -- but that bit of psychological warfare proves to be instrumental to the mercenaries'
victory.
At least, it’s a victory for now.
With multiple “Army of the Dead” spin-offs on the way, chances are that there are plenty
of other types of zombies lurking in the shadows.
Odds are, none of ‘em are going to be too friendly.
Thanks for watching.
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