Matt: So in this video we're going to get a little vulnerable and share some of our
stories and how your identity and social position can actually hurt you. David: We'll also talk
about how to build this true inner confidence so that you can date
and attract the women that you want authentically
my name is matt artisan and here with me is david vibe from the attractive man
team and this is how to develop true inner
confidence
back in high school i used to be awful with women
not just with women but i had a lot of social anxiety
i was afraid to make friends and i was just pretty much terrified
to be in social situations and i would always see
the jocks and the cool kids going after and dating the beautiful women that i
would fantasize about so i tried to figure out how can i be
like them how can i be cool how can i be confident how can i get
women of that caliber so i had an idea decided to start a rock
band learn guitar and be on stage because i figured if i'm
on stage then i'd be cool people be looking up to me and then i
would be able to date beautiful women so i did that and
it worked i moved to los angeles i started a rock
band and we actually became pretty well known pretty popular we
toured with linkin park my chemical romance taking back sunday
we won a bunch of awards and we were even on
mtv and so i was feeling really good i got some success with women i didn't
really have to do much i didn't really have to approach them
they would approach me after the show and say wow you guys are so good
and things like that and i was on cloud nine
everything was great until my band broke up
and then i felt like my cool factor was gone i felt like my identity
was stripped away i felt like why would a girl like me now i'm not cool
anymore i don't have anything to impress her i
actually fell into a depression for a while
because i felt like i was back in high school when i was so
nervous and anxious i got some wins so that did help me
still have some confidence but at the same time
i just felt like a loser now like i i i reached this high and now i'm down
at the bottom and i have to start all over not only in
my career but also with women it was it was really
awful i totally relate to that i think that
this idea of having a social mask is very present here for me
it was pretty much the same story except that when i was a kid i was very fat and
i wasn't very accepted by my friends and socially
in my place so when i was about 14 i just decided that it was enough i wanted
to be more and i didn't really care about
women back then because i believe that it was just so
outside of my reach that i was just focused on how to find my place
among other men and how to just build a status
so i would just train very hard to get to this high level
soccer player level just so that i would have this position among other
men and i would not feel like i'm the shadow i'm someone that doesn't
deserve anything and that created a kind of a fake
confidence because at some point i got the results and i
was able to play with those guys that i always admired
and appreciated when i was younger who got the attention of every girl and
so naturally i started to trigger some interest but deep down i
believed that it wasn't for me it was just for my position
and the problem with that is that i ended up
because of lack of social skills and lack of confidence in myself
i ended up attract this girl that became my girlfriend when i was about 16 and
she was my girlfriend for six years not necessarily because it was
the best fit for me but because i didn't know that i could
have other options that i could find
something better for me and something that fits me better so i was
not able to create a deep true connection with this girl
even though i had the status i had what i wanted and what i
thought would be the best fit for my life
yeah that's true because us guys we naturally are competitive and of course
we want to be at the top and we want to be
respected by other men but the problem is when
your whole identity is based upon this external factor this external thing
especially if it's taken away then just like our situations you're completely
crushed and like me really depressed and and
feel like your identity your whole identity is lost but even guys i've had
a lot of clients who are really high-end millionaire ceos i've
even had a famous rapper who was a client of mine they still felt
like they had a lack of confidence in their ability
to meet and attract beautiful women if women
recognized them and knew their status then it was no big deal the women would
approach them it was easy but most of the time just
walking down the street like here at the promenade in los angeles
they would see a beautiful woman who didn't know who they were
so they didn't have that status and they didn't have that confidence because she
had no idea who he is so they wouldn't go and talk to
her so they were struggling in their dating life even though they
were really high status i really agree with what you say i think
that the status and all these external factors kind of add layers to
your identity so that if your basis as for a house if
your true basis your confidence is not on the point
these things actually tend to hit to hide
your own worth so true confidence is actually about
removing all those layers of bullshit and just
getting to your core and getting to the harder stuff what is holding you back
those traumas that we have those inner blockages and beliefs that we're not
able to reveal and just go through the rejections and be seen
for who we are so that we can actually believe that what we are
is okay i really like the house analogy it's like that foundation is the most
important part that needs to be your true core
confidence and belief in yourself even if everything else is
stripped away you still have that foundation
but most people they don't have that true foundation so like us
they do all these things to create confidence and then
it all falls apart because you don't have that
foundation that love for yourself yeah and that true
self-worth yeah for me this analogy is actually pretty true that's how i felt
when my situation with my soccer team uh was not going well i was kind of fired
from my team and i lost my girlfriend and i wasn't
happy with my job and my family wasn't going well so i
just have the the idea of my house just fell apart
and i figured out that i was just at the top bottom
trying to relearn how to actually be myself and how to actually connect
with women it's uh and this is how i met matt so after
my band broke up i was feeling really desperate i was
like how are how am i gonna attract women now why
would they like me so i started studying pickup and i found some
workshops here in los angeles i found some boot camps and i started attending
as much as i could boot camp after boot camp i even became a trainer for a
local company here in los angeles and i was learning all these lines and
routines all these cool things to impress
impress women and started getting some results that actually started
giving me some confidence because kind of like the rock band i had a new
mask that i could show the world or show
women and i could turn into this cool pickup guide so i started learning
as many routines as i could but i didn't realize it was just like
putting on more and more masks and more and more layers for me it
was the same when i broke up with my ex i went over it and then i just couldn't
believe that just me would be attractive i thought i would
i would have to add other layers and layers on myself just to
pretend that i'm someone better and exactly the same as being a soccer
player having this mask of the seducer was
a way for me to feel confident when deep inside my authentic self
didn't believe it so actually after some point
i realized that i realized that as you said that
we were putting another mask just to not be ourselves
i was afraid that if something bad happens to me i will not be fine
that if women you know would reject me for who i am i would feel very bad i
didn't have that confidence that says that whatever would happen to
me i would be okay and i would find a way to get back
i believe that if i would lose someone that i like i would actually
lose love itself and i would not love myself for who i am
yeah i think that's the problem with most dating advice and pickup advice
out there it's all about covering up the problem it's like putting a band-aid
on the problem but not truly actually healing the problem and
on top of that a lot of clients that i've worked with
i'm sure you the same try to mask it with
external things in fact i've had a few clients who
drove lamborghinis there's nothing wrong with that if you're doing it for
yourself because you like fast cars or nice cars unfortunately
they were doing it to impress women and women can feel that
anytime you're saying all these lines or you're
buying lamborghinis or you're doing magic tricks or whatever
it is even playing in a band and being a
soccer player of course that was those were things
that we were passionate about and things we
we really liked but when you're doing things just
to impress women women can tell they're a lot more intuitive than you or
me than us guys yeah i think that for both of us uh
studying pickup and routines and what to do what to say how to act confidently
was just another way to put just a different mask on ourselves
because it's very simple to blame the mask
instead of blaming ourselves i just know that i believe that if i didn't have
those routines and i would just be rejected every time
and i would not be good enough as i was i would not be able to
be authentic because i believe that my authentic self
was not attractive so at the end of the day it's much easier for me to blame
the lines that don't work or that i didn't learn
something that i was missing something that i would always have to add more and
more and more to feel that i can get what i want instead of just
removing all those things and you know go into those deeper issues and
actually face my fears face my true problems faced what i didn't believe i
would deserve it's a lot easier to put on these masks
put on these band-aids than actually work on the core issue i
remember as i kept memorizing lines and routines
because i did get some results of course you know there's some women that would
respond well to them so i thought that's the
solution i just have to learn more and more and more until the point
it got it became information overload i had so much lines
so much information all these systems and stories that
weren't even my stories making me feel really inauthentic but i
kept doing it because i was getting some results
but at one point it was like a file cabinet i had so many files in there
when i opened it and tried to access them
i couldn't find the one that i needed at the exact moment yeah
so as i was getting better and better i hit like a pinnacle
and then i started getting worse and worse and that's when i had to go back
to the drawing board and basically unlearn everything that i
learned after years of studying all the pickup
stuff and strip it all away and actually work on what's beneath all
that garbage yeah when i started to date my actual
girlfriend she told me something that really hit me at some point she
told me hey you can stop acting and that really just
i didn't know what to say because i realized that that was what i was doing
and just after that i kind of understood that what
what is actually true confidence true confidence is knowing that whatever
happens whatever you do you will be able to find a way you're
still good you're still enough whatever happens you will not
lose self-love and you will believe that
there is always a way there is always a chance
and you're eventually in control of how you feel about yourself
and that's really the key is loving yourself
yeah loving every aspect of yourself including
the shit that stinks the things you don't like about yourself
instead of masking them and covering them up being a little vulnerable and
saying hey i'm not perfect but i love my imperfections
i work on them every day and try to become better and better
and better and i accept myself for who i am
and i know i deserve the best in life and the best
women in life and then you stop coming from a place
of i need women for validation and i need to
impress women and i need to do all these things and buy lamborghinis
and be a rock star to impress impress women
i can just be me it's like that cliche horrible advice just be yourself which
is actually really good advice but most of us don't know how to be
ourselves because we're being this fake version of ourselves that we think women
are gonna like when you can actually be your true core
authentic self then you don't need all the lines and all the bs you can
just walk up to women and just have a beautiful interaction a beautiful
conversation with them and you'll see them light up instantly
because they can tell that you are being you and if they're
not into it you're totally fine with it yeah i think it takes some time to kind
of figure out who you are so that you can allow yourself to put
different masks here and there and see which one
fits more your personality and your character but eventually if you're
able to be okay with just who you are with the who you are that you decide you
want to be you can after that everything that we talked
about the status the money the looks everything that
makes you socially more appreciable everything becomes added value and
that's where it starts to really actually hit
i still use things that i learned by trying to pick up women because i
learned how to be fun i learned how to dance i learned how to touch
i still use these things but they come from a very different place of me
being authentic and just using what i want because i want to
and not because i need to yeah you're using the the fun
lines or whatever it is games role plays but not because you're trying to impress
women but just because because it's fun yeah it's fun for you
you're doing it for yourself instead of for her instead
of trying to get a reaction so now we're going to talk to you about
how to actually go deeper into who you are and how you can
become closer to your authentic self it's all
about making it simple having those social situations those skills is just
adding adding adding it's doing more and more and more
whereas accessing this true confidence is actually about doing
less and less and less that's why i actually loved what
you did with the attractive man that's why i decided to join this
amazing program and community because i knew from what you were doing that it
wasn't about doing more it was actually about doing
less and what scares most guys is actually doing less
because when you do less there is always this uh weird belief that when it's
simple it cannot work you have to do something
more there has to be something else that you should do it's
just a prank why should she like me because i just said hello and that's how
i really like about our students is that they really
understand that the less they do the more
attractive they become and then when they start to add
more techniques and tricks and things that they just control
they become very attractive and authentically and women
and we had women that actually told us that that's so true because
meeting and attracting women should be fun and it should be
simple and it's all about having true confidence because women
can tell they can tell if you're really confident about yourself
or you're just using a bunch of lines and routines yeah you'll be able to fool
some of them but deep down you're going to feel bad
after a while in fact i have friends who had i have one friend who memorized
eight hours of material and it was all bs it was all these lines
and routines and he became really depressed after a
while because he would lose the girls after the second or third date
because they would actually start to get to know his true character and his true
self and see how insecure he really was and he actually became very suicidal so
instead of masking your insecurities you actually
have to dig deep and work on yourself and
develop true confidence and if you're interested in becoming
this true confident man and if you want us to guide you in the process
and not only learn how to meet women but also how to attract them authentically
and be able to sustain conversation naturally
to be able to date them and get into long-term relationships with them
and also be confident in your job in your with your friends in every
situation because it is about true confidence then click
the link below for more information because we can guide you we can mentor
you we want to help you because the only way to do it is to
actually face your fears if you want us to help you face your
fears and become more confident and meet attract and date beautiful
women then you need to come to a live workshop or join our mentorship
program so again click the link down below for more information
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tackle on this channel my name is matt artisan
and this is david vibe from the attractive man and
we'll see you in the next video