Hypersexuality and bipolar disorder,
it's not a sex addiction.
Why does it happen?
That's what I'm gonna talk to you day about in this video.
I'm Dr. Tracey Marks, a psychiatrist,
and I publish weekly videos
about mental health education and self-improvement.
If you don't wanna miss one, click Subscribe
and the notification button.
I've gotten a few requests to talk about this topic.
And there's a lotta different directions
that I could've gone with this, but I decided to talk about
some of the ways that hypersexuality can manifest.
Now, keep in mind, this is a very individual experience,
and I realize that I don't know how it is for everyone.
Hypersexuality is one of the symptoms that you can see
in the manic phase of bipolar disorder.
And for more on bipolar disorder, check out the playlist
that I have in the corner.
What we consider hypersexual is somewhat relative.
One person who has the desire
to have sex everyday may seem hypersexual
to the person who's good for just once a month.
But that's not really what this is about.
When a person becomes manic,
it's like a car that's, car engine
that's just idling too high.
And everything is moving faster, your thoughts,
your impulses, and this affects your judgment
and your decision making.
And your sexuality is just one of those parts
of your identity.
It's a basic primal desire that everyone has.
Everyone has some degree of sexual desire.
You may suppress it because of social conventions
and expectations, but it's there.
And it's similar to your basic desire to attach to people.
Everyone has some degree of need to attach to someone else.
Okay, so when a person becomes manic,
it's like your engine is tuned up and these primal needs
and desires increase.
It's like having an increased appetite for different things,
not just sex, but lots of things.
You can, and if you combine this increased appetite
with fast moving thoughts, poor impulse control,
poor insight and judgment, what do you get?
You get unrestrained gratification seeking.
And there's different ways that this can look.
It can look like someone who decides
that they're gonna start a new company
that solves a unique problem that no one else can solve.
And so you withdraw all of your money out of your savings
and invest it into some process that's gonna kickstart
your company and help you just change the industry.
Or you can have the urge to speak to someone important
in your life about something, and you just have to speak
to them right now and, and get this question answered,
even if it means pulling this person out
of an important meeting because you just really need
to speak to them right now.
Can you get a picture in your mind of
what this person may be feeling?
So with hypersexuality,
you start with your basic sexual needs,
and then there's this ramped up energy around it
that creates this urge that you just can't control.
It's like having an itch in the middle of your back,
and you find something to scratch at it,
and it feels kinda good,
but there's just still this one spot
that you just can't find, and it's still itching.
So you're scratching all around
but this one spot is still there.
I use that example because the scratching feels good,
but you're also over-scratching parts of your body.
So the inability to get it all satisfied feels bad.
So you feel good and bad simultaneously.
If you look from the outside, as a person not affected
by mania, it may just seem like the manic person is
just having fun.
Good for you, that you've got all that energy.
But it's not all fun.
And for many people, it doesn't feel that good.
Or the feel good is very temporary.
And many people will have a lotta shame
when the mania goes away because,
unlike a sexual addiction, the hypersexuality
of mania is only present during the manic episode.
So after that passes, they go back
to their usual behavior, whatever that was.
And, often,
with bipolar disorder, the opposite mood follows.
So mania will be followed by depression,
either immediately, or some time later.
So if a person who was hypersexual
while they were manic then gets depressed,
their sex drive is shot.
And they're completely the opposite.
In fact, this may be a period of mourning the losses
and the damages that they created during their manic phase.
What are the ways that people can behave
when they become hypersexual?
It can be increased sexual activity,
either with your partner, or multiple partners,
or even strangers.
A person who would otherwise
never consider being unfaithful could have an affair
during this period, not only because of the increased urges,
but the poor judgment, the trouble controlling
their impulses, and even a misperception of their world
and what's going on around them.
It's like they can just get this tunnel vision that,
and nothing else exists except them and the other person
or other people.
But not everyone has sex with multiple partners.
Some people masturbate excessively, and I say excessively
because it is considered normal to masturbate.
But some people will just lose track
of time watching pornography and masturbating all day.
Here's a more subtle way it can look though.
Some people can get caught up in their sexual fantasies,
such that they neglect their responsibilities.
Or it distracts them from getting their work done,
so they're not performing well at work or at school.
And these are just some examples
of how you could have hypersexuality that's problematic,
but it doesn't involve having sex with someone.
So what do we do about this?
The main solution is to treat the episode.
As I mentioned before, if the hypersexuality is from mania
and not from a sexual disorder,
when the mania dies down, the hypersexuality also dies down.
You don't become non-sexual,
your baseline sexuality is just reigned back in.
So it's important to recognize early signs
of your manic episodes.
Even if you're fairly stable on your medication,
you can still have breakthrough episodes.
So this can be important to look for early signs
to see your doctor to have your medication tweaked.
Not sleeping and hypersexuality are
often early signs for people.
And sleep deprivation and mania is
like lighter fluid on a fire.
It's one of, it's one of the ways
that manic episodes can escalate.
If you have a partner and you have an affair
during an episode, you should get
some couples therapy so that you and
your partner can have, can better understand what happened.
Then, the burden is on you to keep yourself well
and to continue to look for the early signs
so that you don't repeat the behavior.
Because in the throes of a manic episode, the judgment goes
out the window.
And it's easy to just forget the damage
that was done from the last time.
It's like that movie Groundhog Day
where the guy gets stuck in this loop
and the day just keeps repeating itself.
For you, if you're not proactive,
each manic episode could be
just another day starting all over again.
And you may be able to deal with that,
but the people in your life won't.
Okay, I hope this helped you understand
what's behind the hypersexuality in bipolar disorder.
Discuss this with me in the comments.
I'm very interested to hear about your experience,
whether it's happened to you
or whether you know someone who, for whom this has happened.
And, of course, you can always just say hi as well.
See you next time.
("My Harlem Days 1")