the difference between band 6 and band 7 in IELTS writing sometimes it comes down to fine
margins or the little errors you may be making that would mean a six to the examiner instead
of that wonderful band seven for today's video I asked a former IELTS examiner to grade 5 essays
written by real students and I'll show you the difference between these scores. It's Asiya
let's get started [Music] as I said I have five essays for you which all answer the same
question some people believe that the internet is increasing the gap between the rich and poor
well others argue that it helps to reduce this Gap discuss both these views and give your own opinion
start with the first Criterion examiners use to assess your answers task response
it really means three things have you covered all the parts of the question
have you made your position clear are your main ideas developed and supported by examples
let's look at those aspects in more detail in SCB the opening paragraph clearly states the
writer's point of view in my opinion it has increased the gap between the two that's good
the next paragraph presents arguments that support the idea that the internet has
reduced the Gap and the paragraph ends with I on the other hand have a different opinion
what is this opinion we're hoping to learn more in the next body paragraph right here
is the paragraph about the view that the student supports the examiner will read this and think
bad six why well the right is taking a position yes but all the arguments presented clear are
they adequately developed using examples and evidence the answer must be to some extent
the lifestyle and luxury goods might illustrate class differences but they have not created them
perhaps it would have been better to develop both sides of the education employment aspect
to produce a better developed essay this one seems jumpy moving from point to point without
convincing connections compare it to sad again there is a clear opinion in the introduction in
my opinion it should be the internet has decreased the gap between the two now let's read the third
paragraph where the writer presents arguments that support their opinion when people use the internet
to educate themselves The Gap is reduced the internet offers many options for self-education
and many of these do not require payment poor people therefore have the possibility to become
more skilled similarly they could use some of these websites to take courses about personal
finances and learn techniques to save money in addition those internet sites also include
some where people can learn how to invest some Investments do not demand a significant amount of
money then any person has the option to invest and search for other sources to obtain an extra income
by using the internet as a result for self-education the gap between the rich
and the poor decreases this paragraph is much more focused than the one from sap
connections are made between using the internet as an educational tool without cost and possibly
using it to learn about handling personal finances to save money and to make money in task response
this would score a good band 7. the next Criterion examiners use is called coherence and cohesion
when we talk about coherence in an essay we mean how it all makes sense how it's ordered in a
logical way in paragraphs and sentences cohesion is how the details and sentences are linked
The Examiner here will be looking at how cohesive devices like although or moreover and referencing
using pronouns and vocabulary help make the essay solid and clear let's start with an example from
essay I've marked some examples of cohesion or linking words in both go ahead pause the video and
read it now I haven't marked any of the references because they're all right for example the use of
some of them to refer back to people with lower education but as a paragraph It's not particularly
coherent it begins by saying that companies can make money from the Internet true then
it continues with another downside but fact that businesses make profits a downside is it bad and
what's the connection between that and not been able to use the internet because you can't read
using however to begin the next sentence is not convincing either because there is no connection
no contrast really with the previous sentence seems to be arguing the opposite case how the
internet can narrow the gap likewise the following sentence which starts with in fact gives examples
of how the internet can narrow the gap which is not the opinion of the author in other words the
paragraph is not that logical and wouldn't get more than bad six for coherence and cohesion
compare it with this paragraph from SAE let's read it one of the main reasons why some people
think that the internet divides the rich and poor is an inadequate access to this technology
this issue unfortunately made limited occasional opportunities for the poor
it has been proven that people with low income are more likely to have a limited connection to
digital resources and less reliable internet service than affluent citizens for example
students in low-income school districts May face major challenges in using educational technology
effectively due to poor connectivity to the high-speed internet or lack of appropriate
devices compared to high income students thus these barriers May hinder development of tech
skills among the youth with low income which are essential to succeed in today's job market
this paragraph is an excellent example of how to use cohesive devices to link ideas between
sentences or within them there is a very clear Central topic which runs through the
entire paragraph namely social class and access to technology and educational opportunities
referencing this technology and this issue and the impressive use of synonyms and paraphrasing
to avoid lexical repetition pushes this paragraph to at least a possible band 8.
right now I'm quickly naming different requirements
but to learn more about each of them in IELTS writing and speaking and how to answer different
types of tasks sentence by sentence you can check out my IELTS preparation packs I'll link them
in the description our next Criterion is lexical results or your vocabulary The Examiner is looking
at three main aspects of your vocabulary use first how wide it is secondly how good you are at using
the right word or phrase at the right time in other words your sensitivity to style and context
both range and appropriateness include the use of less common lexical items and very importantly
collocations those frequent word combinations that are so important in all languages finally
The Examiner will have an eye on word formation and spelling as always the less noticeable any
errors are the higher the band score who gets band Six according to the descriptors the range of a
capillary will be adequate and some inaccuracies in word choice spelling or formation won't make
comprehension impossible but might put some strain on the reader these examples from SCC
we can understand what the writer wants to say but we're not happy about the choice of words
the show of virtual money is the word arrival what the writer was looking for
currencies not monies and currencies lose their value they don't fall down with pass or enact
laws with an a not with an O and we don't ban gaps we Bridge them oh and to decrease differences look
strange it's better to say to lessen Financial differences vocabulary acquisition and use is hard
work and we all go through this band Six stage when we know what we want to say but we're not
exactly sure of how to really say that in this language compare this to this extract from SAE
which shows good use of effective collocation and less common lexical items such as Hinder
I've marked some examples of good phrases in bold there are one or two inaccuracies so no
need for an article a before poor connectivity and high-speed internet but it's evidence of a strong
band 7. in this video I'm showing you mainly the differences between band 6 and 7 writing which is
more applicable to most of you but if you'd like to see a Ben 9 model answer I have one which you
can download as PDF it's also a two views in your opinion essay and it's linked in the description
and let's move on to the next Criterion your grammar to get a high band score in grammatical
range and accuracy a seven or an eight your essay should have a good mix of complex structures along
with some simple sentences where appropriate and be relatively error free of course the more errors
you make the more chance that the score will go down to a six as long as those errors don't
have a negative effect on understanding too many errors mean you're looking at band five
The Examiner is on the lookout for some grammatical sophistication through perhaps the use
of conditionals passives and the complexities of sentences with two or even three Clauses take this
paragraph from essay e this shows a good range of complex sentences five sentences all complex
there are very slight inaccuracies but no obvious errors and we get the message
however to increase the score further we could make changes the second sentence the
conditional one would look better if we made it more hypothetical if individuals
with low income used the internet they would be able to access information that could guide
that's why it's a good seven but not an eight turn into essay a however we see more noticeable errors
look at this extract do you see what's wrong it's just one sentence a long and winding sentence with
too many Clauses rewrite it complex sentences yes but it's better to keep them to two clauses
the writer had to end the sentence with using the internet effectively and then start a new
one like this I'd also like to look at sad this essay is a very interesting mix of simple and
complex sentences with hardly any errors it also has more sentences 27 in total other essays have
between 10 and 16 more of them complex than simple on the first reading sad looks the most impressive
in grammatical terms but the second reading made me wonder if it could have been better in places
at the moment it spans 7 at most how can we improve it by simply joining up some simple
sentences to make them more complex so here is my altered version from sentence three
furthermore there are sites where you can apply for jobs which do not take into consideration the
economic status of the applicants thus giving the poor and the rich access to the same opportunities
so far we've looked at examples of Band 6 and 7 writing for each Criterion the next step to
closing that Gap or should I say bridging that Gap and crossing over from band 6 to 7 and 8
is learning how to write a great essay sentence by sentence and in this in-depth lesson you can learn
how to write a perfect introduction it's a free preview from one of my courses so please check it
out and thank you so much for watching me today good luck with your preparation a new exam bye