who is in control of you
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this is Damon Cart from NLP Gym how to
cultivate inner power if you haven't
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just recently I was seeing someone very
casually and I attempted to meet up with
her again and she was giving me all of these
sort of vague excuses why she couldn't
meet with me and it occurred to me that
she didn't want to see me anymore so I
just flat out asked her if she wanted to see me
again and she said no I'm a very curious kind of
person and I wanted to know why that was
I told her I wasn't going to try to argue
with her I wasn't going to try to persuade
her to change her mind i just wanted the
feedback
she went ahead and told me about some
things that I could understand how it
annoyed or some things that I had said some
things that I had done I could understand now
the way from her perspective that those
things probably annoyed her but she got
she got rather rude and insulting about
it I realized there was something deeper
going on here she had some sort of
animosity toward me that I can tell
there was something she wanted me to do
that I didn't do or she wanted something
from me that I wasn't giving in any
event I could ask for more detail, asked for
more information and then speculated
endlessly about what this might have
been deep down but I just let it go a few years ago
this probably would have really gotten
to me i don't know why it was in dating
for some reason i would always give the
woman I was dating
the authority if she said that I was
being rude I just believed it and
whatever judgment a woman made a woman
who I was dating would make about my
behavior i just believe it and then try
to improve it. The really messed up part is
that the more beautiful woman the more I
thought she was right the more i believed
what she said about me
people want you to do what they want you
to do and that's kind of natural you can't
really expect people not to want that we
want what we want and we need compliance
from other people to get that and
sometimes this is really unconscious
there seems to be a balance of energy
we're always seeking like a balance of
energy and if that balance is off we will try
to correct that somehow and an example
of this is someone who gives up their
inner Authority to others and doesn't
claim it for themselves actually in a sense
can be stabilized a relationship by the
way one person is relating to that
person who is giving up that authority and in
doing so that person will step in and
become that authority over that person
in order to sort of stabilize that
energy where is your inner authority? Do you
give it away to others are two groups or
to an institution do you seek validation
outside of yourself or are you self
validate. Are there certain contexts
where your authority comes from within
and then other contexts other major life
contexts where you give up that authority
in life in general do you feel like the
authority comes from outside of you
rather than within?
or do you feel like just in general in
life your authority is an inner
authority that comes from within you in
inner power is not so much always coming
from inner authority inner power is the
ability to claim your inner authority
and also give it up in certain
situations and circumstances where it's
necessary say like when you want to
learn something from a teacher knows
more than you you might want to give
that authority up at least until you
learn whatever it is you want to learn
so that inner power is the ability to
claim it or give it away at will
inner already vs outer authority is actually
what we call a meta program in NLP
we call it locus of control
so where is your locus of control? Do you
perceive that within yourself or do you
perceive that outside of yourself?
remember this is about perception we
don't know we can't say objectively exactly
where the controller where the control is
located
it's a matter of perception and this can
go really really deep into when you think in terms
of politics and powerful politicians vs.
not so powerful politicians famous people you
know their power is perceived to be in
them but really they have no power
without everyone else giving them that
power so where is the power really
located? Again it's a matter of perception
do the people who make a person famous
and make a person powerful did they have
the authority or does the powerful
or famous person have the authority give this
exercise to try take three major life
contexts that could be your career your
relationship your finances and explore
each one of these contexts and ask
yourself the question where is your
perception of authority? where is your
perception of control in each one of these
situations does it come from within you
or is it coming from outside of you once
you've explored each one of these
situations and you have a sense of where
that authority is coming from flip it
explore what it would be like to go the
opposite so if you feel like your
finances are not within your control
flip it and think of it, what would be like if
they were you were the authority in this
situation what would that be like and
maybe in your relationship you do have
the sense that you're the
authority the authority comes from
you flip that and see what would that be
like if you gave up that authority you
gave up that perception of control
coming from within you explore each one
of these contexts and its opposite get
comfortable with this feeling or this
idea of being able to give up your sense
of authority and also of taking it back and
reclaiming it and then go back through
each one of these situations and ask
yourself where does it serve you most to
or what serves you most you having the
control coming from within you
are you giving the control away to a
person, a group, or an institution which serves
you better
having inner party or going by the
outer authority
some people live their lives without
having any inner authority they give that
authority away they give that sense perception
of control away and they usually
constantly seek outside validation this
is an absolutely miserable way to live if
you have a sense of that this is an
important video for you to explore the
opposite of that. What would it be like to be
able to give your own validation your self
validation not have to see it by other
people it will drive you crazy trying to
seek validation self-validation outside
of yourself because everybody's
different everybody has a different sort
of opinion about that and you can't
please everybody
you can't be all things
everyone this will drive you crazy
reclaim the authority to give away
your authority and to take back your
authority and that will cultivate inner
power. Check out my website NLP-Gym.com
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