[Rooster Teeth and Rage Quit Intro]
Micool: Here's me...
I'm Isaac the baby.
Let me give you a little history: Apparantly God tells your mother, "Fucking kill your baby." -
And she's like, "Alright, I'm gonna do it." - And then you're THAT baby!
Game. Begins. Go.
I appear to be shooting my tears...
As a weapon - It says 'Arrows' but it's most certainly tears.
We got some bugs... We got some bugs, oh God...
Level One; I'm shooting flies - And there's - there's shit - Oh my G- , I can shoot the shit.
How do I get in there?
Get it - Get the fucking heart.
Get the heart you fuck - I don't even fucking need it, fuck it.
Fucking hit him asshole!
What is this fucking - Oh are these your fuckin' hearts?
You fuck!
Fucking DO SOMETHING WITH EM'!
So, you gotta make your way to the end of each boss?
And - Okay, I guess fight a monster and I've already gotten to the monster...
I'm like two fucking screens in.
I got - fucking bombs - How do I throw a bomb?
Fucking blo - Ohhhh my God - Fu - Did you just see that explosion?
Bla! Pla! Bla! Pla! Pla!
I got breakfast.
Where the fuck am I going now? I... killed the dude. This is - I just fucking came from this way!
Is that all I'm doing - I'm just fucking eating break - OH shit, okay, I fell down another hole.
Oh thiszzz - fuckin' this is where the tears come in handy, right?
I just fucking cried on some shit.
There's just shit everywhere - like, feces -
It's EVERYWHERE. It's on every fucking screen!
Come here you headless fucks...
These - Oh my God, they're fast.
I'm taking drugs? Fucking take some drugs ---
PILLS HERE!
There's a fucking locked door HERE, so is there - are there keys for the door or the chests?
And I'm fightin' another dude - Fuck!
Is that like a fucking fetus?
If I'm not mistaken - Is that not the fucking umbilical cord -
And the baby's fucking hanging out of it?!
OR -
The BABY is like, the mother, and the GIANT THING -
Is comin' out of the fucking baby!
Either way - How the FUCK DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?!
Just - No? Just die - Get - Jup - Jep - Uyep, there you go, there you - No.
FUCKING DIE! THANK YOU.
I got a belt...
What is this doin' - I got a speed up...
I'm fucking fast as SHIT now!
What does the Q button do - What is that pill?
NO!
What did that do - Oh fuck me, I have Balls of Steel.
I'm gonna get murdered here - I'm gonna get murdered here...
NONO SHIT!
NOOOO!
OH MY GOD.
They are fucking spewing - They're spewing their fucking gunk -
My pill health is - is waiting...
I only have one blue pill health left.
The enemies in this game are fucking... quick.
I also wish - NONO. FUCK.
I also wish I had a stronger weapon, than just my FUCKING TEARS!
OOOOHHHHH THEY'RE LIKE CLAY MEN! THEY'RE LIKE CLAY MEN FROM BATMAN!
NAAAOOOOO FUCK OFF!
GET HIM YOU BITCH! NOOOO!
HOLY SHIT - OHHH We got him - We got him... We got him...
NO!
FUCK!
FUCK! FUCK.
Dear diary, today I died.
I was killed by this thing in some cave.
I leave that all I own to my cat, Guppy.
Goodbye cruel world,
Isaac.
Alright, goin' on over here and... fuckin' replay this...
Alright, so here we are, back at - uh, fuckin' Basement I...
YOU MOTHERFFF
YOU MOTHERFFFUCKER -
I'm getting my ass kicked by a bunch of bugs!
I'm gonna fucking die - I'm gonna die again in the first fucking dungeon this time.
Some - Somehow I got to third fucking level on my first try and now I have half a fucking heart!
Awwwwwww
Awwwwwww shit...
Fuckin' getting some keys, yo! Gettin' some keys!
OHHH Crap.
So I guess the crown on the radar isn't the boss -
That must be the fucking treasure - I thought that was the boss.
So I was like, "I'll avoid the fucking crown - I'll fight the boss first!" -
I HAVE HALF A FUCKING HEART - I'M FUCKED!
THERE'S NO WAY I'M BEATING THE FUCKING BOSS WITHOUT GETTING HIT ONE TIME!
FUCK!
FUCK! FUCK!
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK.
Dear diary, today I died -
And apparantly I'm a big fucking fat baby, WHAT IS THIS?!
WHEN DID I EVER LOOK LIKE THIS?!
YOU'RE GETTING KILLED BY A FUCKING FRUIT FLY, ISAAC!
Come on you fuc - AAAAARRRRRHHHH!!!
Today I died like this.
I slipped on a puddle and fucking cracked my skull -
AND THEN THIS THING FUCKED ME TO DEATH!
What is this? OHHH grab it, is that a fucking sheriff star?
That's not - It's a Pentagram, I thought it was, like - I thought it w - OH, what the fuck?
I have horns on my head.
And then they disappeared when I fell in the hole, look, NOW they're gone.
So here is - You can see at the top there - There's only six goddamn levels.
It's five Basements and then the last boss.
That was your fucking fat mother right there that you were thinking about.
And I'm serious that's why she had big fat fucking legs - The woman's fat - Play the game!
I'll go down here cause' I got two fucking keys...
Distant Admira - Is there a - Oh, what is this?
Is this gonna fight for me?
I picked up a fucking fly.
What is my - What is my fly doing here, now?
Is he just chillin' or...
Is he gonna fuckin' attack the guy, or...
I don't fucking KNOW - I don't know what it does!
No...?
There we go - No! There we go, alright.
I am fucking rolling in stuff now...
I got lunch.
Sweet.
When he's not trying to eat me, he's got a beautiful smile...
I have one heart left I - uhh, I am gonna die - OH NONONO!
NOOO!
CHUBS?!
CHUUUBS?!
Stay the fuck over there, that's right!
We're - Oh, great I got lipstick this'll look - Ooo-kay, grab the heart, grab...
No, I'm gonna grab the heart; he's gonna jump off, so I'm gonna grab the lipstick first - Bam!
Oh I got Mom's Lipstick, should I be even wearing that - is that - Is that appropriate for me?
The range increased - The range was fucking HUGE ALREADY!
Glackglackglackglackglackglack fuckin' glackinated - And a key?
Too generous - What is this shit - How do I get behind this door?
There's a fuckin' sword on the other side - I want a sword, gimme a fuckin' sword -
Ouija Board - Special Te... -
I'm LOSING MY SHIT, look at me!
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY FACE?!
I guess it pays to explore, but it also fucks you in the ass...
If there's nothing there, OHHH God...
Ohhh I have half a heart, I have half a heart - I'd -
I don't know what the shield - OHHH my God, OHHH it's left me -
FUUUUUUCK!
MOTHER.
MOTHER. FUCKER.
I had the fucking pills too, I was gonna use the fucking pills -
Look I didi - Wiauhlw - What was the fucking fly even doing -
Why did I have it - It didn't even fucking give me health!
It didn't attack anybody!
You know what it did? It got me fucking murdered!
By a fucking FROWNY-FACE BOMB!
Look at this: This is me, this is what killed me!
It's FUCKING SADDER THAN I AM!
[Achievement Hunter Outro]