That's my daddy, though. I love you! He looks good for 75, right? Yeah, I know.
It's slowly coming to light for us to realize that, hey, oh my dad's getting older, so
is mine, so is my mom... And to see the people that we love transition into
vulnerability, it's extremely hard because it's like, wow, wait a minute.
What's going on? My world is changing. Life is so short, it goes by so fast.
We've added 30 years to human life expectancy—inconceivable previously.
What we haven't done is take this immense success and turn it into a victory for everybody.
We are in the middle of a giant societal change. In the next three
decades, they're going to be more older people, those who are over the age of 65,
than ever before in history. Some have called this the "gray tsunami"— and it's
happening on a global scale. Now, like us, our parents are getting older every day.
And in the same way that they took care of us, soon we're gonna be responsible
for taking care of them — and some of us already are. My dad was always so strong
and, you know, he was my big protector. He wound up taking out his pension so
I could go to college. I want to give back to him, I want to make it easy for
him because he's getting older. If that means I'm gonna make his lunch and his
dinner while he still goes to work at 75 years old in Manhattan from Staten
Island, then that's what I'm gonna do. But I feel like I've been gearing up for
that. If my dad happens to get sick I'm already there. Everyone is at a
different stage in this process. Some of us haven't even started thinking about
it, but others are quite familiar. My mom has been struggling with a kidney
failure for about 20 years now. Me and my sister shared the responsibility.
My sister and her fiance are moving in together, and I have shifted into the
primary care role. Trying to find the balance between working, and going back to
school to obtain my Master's in social work, and constantly worrying and making
sure my mom's OK, it can be difficult at times, it can be overwhelming
sometimes, but it's all a part of it. Reginald and, at some point, Rebekah are
part of the 44 million caregivers, people providing unpaid care mostly for a loved
one, who are scattered throughout the United States. Of this 44 million, one quarter are
millennials. And while on the whole the majority of caregivers are women, when we
isolate just millennial caregivers, it's evenly split. This subject was actually
brought up in class and it rubbed me the wrong way because I am a male caregiver,
you know, and I enjoy taking care of my mother. To be able to give back what my
mother has always given to me is truly incredible and I feel like it's the
cycle of the process of life, you know? And it's not easy. Some days you might be
having a good day but my mom might not be having a good day, you know? I don't
think she realizes that, you know, she's causing me distress when she tries to
hide wasn't going on. I just don't wanna... not say be a burden, but it's like I
don't want to shortchange them.
Getting older, I see how frustrating it is for him because it's frustrating for
all of us. I couldn't love anybody any more. Her and my son—
they are my life.
But it can be difficult. I'm 75 and I have a way of wanting to do
things. My daughter's 27, and she has a way of
wanting to do things. I'm a perfectionist, it's gotta be done just right, and I guess
that's why I get so upset when tell me that I'm... tell me that I didn't... I'll tell
you when I forgot! When I remember, though...
I'm not in the greatest of health that I was when they was little.
I'm still mom now, don't get that wrong! I'm still mom. I think a lot of times you
see on TV this negative stigma placed around aging. It takes away their power
and actually, you know, often times take away their voice.
We don't put much emphasis on our elders, but there's so much to learn from them.
I got more wrinkles, more gray hair, but really deep inside just you're the same person.
Next year, Floyd's gonna retire after having worked at the Department of
Health for over 30 years. My body is telling me that it's time.
I'm not looking forward to it. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm not that quick
anymore. [You seem pretty quick.] But not quick enough for today. Scholars have observed
over the last 20 or 30 years that while people are living longer, old age is a role-less role in this
country. That we have people with this deep desire to make a difference, and we
don't have roles for them in general. As we live longer lives, there's going to be
more chronic illness and more of a need to support our older population.
And we're really not prepared. Take geriatrics, for example. Today, there are
about 7,000 registered geriatricians in the U.S..
but we need about 20,000 of them. We have urgent needs that apply to our financial
and social security systems, to our lack of easy-to-navigate resources for our
millions upon millions of caregivers, so why is it that we seem to be so afraid
to approach and prepare for our increasingly older world? When you, when
you think about getting older you think about dying. The most basic fear of
humanity is a fear of dying, and it seems to be the condition we have the greatest
difficulty thinking about planning for and talking about. Getting older is a
path we haven't built yet.
A couple of teeth missing... I look like a solid
baseball player, I do. Baseball was great. If we all start having more
conversations, a lot of the fears will be lessened and challenges improved.
Today, when a third of us have a living will, and the average American family has just
$5,000 in retirement savings, some would say these
conversations are necessary. My babies. That's my favorite one. I've done
showed them where my life insurance is at, I have a living will. I think
it's incredible that she was able to take a difficult conversation and
simplify. Family is everything. Family is everything.
You was an amazing mom, you did so much for us, so don't ever think that you're a burden.
You gotta stop hiding stuff from me and you gotta start letting me know when
there's things going on, OK? Don't cry, I don't like seeing you cry.
You did your part, baby! Now's time for you to relax.
You just chill and enjoy the fruits of your hard work, that you and dad, you
know, both instilled in us. You got to be here so that we can continue to
thrive for you.
I love you too, daddy. Sweet dreams! Thank you.
Sweet dreams!