- You guys in this little wedge here,
what would you like to hear a rap about?
- [Woman In Audience] Do you know Hearst Castle?
- [Chris] Hearst Castle?
No, I don't,
and I'm probably from the country that it's in, aren't I?
(crowd laughing)
It's in America?
Oh, good!
Wait is, it's in California, wow.
Two people very proud.
We both volunteered at Hearst Castle!
It's H-E-A-R-S-T?
- [Crowd Member] Yeah, like William Randolph Hearst.
- Like William Randolph Hearst, yeah.
Obviously I knew which person that was.
So William Randolph Hearst,
obviously a white man because he sounds very rich.
(crowd laughs)
Did he build this castle himself,
or did he buy it from another country and then import it?
That's what a lot of those people do.
- [Crowd Member] He built it himself.
- He built it himself?
Well he paid people to, yeah, probably.
And what's so good about this castle?
- It's just massive.
- It's massive, so American.
Is it a good castle?
Well, it's big, I'll tell you about that.
Cool, Hearst Castle, it's real big
by William Randolph Hearst.
That's a good suggestion.
Let's come to the kind of this side of the middle.
What do you want a rap about?
(audience mumbles)
Wait, what?
Someone said, "agnostic,"
and then someone said, "your mother."
Are you trying to start beef?
This is not how this works.
Your mother, my friend.
Agnostic, and you said your mother.
Okay, an agnostic mother.
That feels good, we'll combine those.
This side of the middle.
- [Man In Audience] Birthdays!
- [Other Man In Audience] Gravity!
- Birthdays and gravity.
Okay, yeah, fine, we'll combine that somehow.
See how the crowd are all a bit like,
"Oh, don't shout birthday, mate."
And no one wanted gravity,
but birthday gravity!
Birthday gravity, Hearst Castle, which is big,
by William Randolph Hearst, agnostic mother, guys over here.
(crowd shouts all at once)
I'm sure you may have had some lovely suggestions,
but this man bellowed out prison sex.
(crowd laughing)
Don't know if you can see him.
I think it's something he shouted out
a fair few times before,
(crowd laughing)
before commencing the very action.
My gosh, you have the most incredible beard I've ever seen.
Thank you for putting the lights on so we can all, yeah.
Wow, it's not so funny when you shout out
and then the lights come on, is it?
Last time a light shown that bright in your face,
you were trying to climb over the wall and escape.
That is what was happening.
So, Hearst Castle, which is big by William Randolph Hearst,
agnostic mother, gravity and birthdays, and prison sex.
Let's come to the back of the room.
What do you guys want to hear a rap about?
- [Man In Audience] The Welsh!
- [Woman In Audience] Barbie!
- The Welsh and what did you say?
- [Woman In Audience] Barbie!
- Barbie, cool, yeah, Welsh Barbie.
That's a good combination.
Guys, if you don't take turns,
they get combined and made worse.
This then, lovely people, these are your suggestions.
You've got Hearst Castle, prison sex,
Welsh Barbie, birthday gravity, and agnostic mother.
Can we drop that beat?
Let's get it rolling.
This is gonna be a freestyle rap.
As I said, a rap made up on the spot based entirely
on the suggestions.
It's not scripted, it will never be seen again.
Please don't worry yourself, hermosa.
It's not going to be anywhere near
as atrociously embarrassingly bad
as you are expecting a privately-educated,
middle class, white boy to be.
You seem very unconvinced.
Can I have a little bit more juice on that, please?
♪ Kick it off, having fun ♪
♪ I wanna pick a castle, ♪
♪ Where did they begun ♪
♪ In England, probably, or maybe France ♪
♪ But William Randolph Hearst, he took that chance ♪
♪ He's like, "I don't want a house or a condo, ♪
♪ I want something from the ground that might grow ♪
♪ Much larger, the architecture there ♪
♪ Will be respected by the general area ♪
♪ All the people walking by my dwelling might smile, ♪
♪ Why, 'cause it's large, you can see it from miles, ♪
♪ And kilometers, and acres, there's no mistake there ♪
♪ I like to get the brick and I take a bit ♪
♪ Of mortar, put it on a hod, build it up ♪
♪ From the ground, get a buff bod," ♪
♪ He didn't do it himself, make the builders work ♪
♪ Up a thirst, a large castle built ♪
♪ By the man called Hearst, ♪
♪ A magnate, probably a billionaire, ♪
♪ Looking very silly when he wanders 'round in there ♪
♪ Probably thought he's a real fly man, charmer, ♪
♪ Walking 'round a castle in his suit of armor, ♪
♪ Like, "Yeah, this is a majestic thing ♪
♪ I'm from California, but I think I'm the king ♪
♪ Walking around, yeah I write this stuff, ♪
♪ For the only kings you've got over here make burgers" ♪
♪ Moving on, ratty like a cavity, ♪
♪ I wanna drop it on ya, like gravity ♪
♪ I hold on tight ♪
♪ It feels pleasant ♪
♪ What'cha get on birthdays, gravity presents ♪
♪ No one even knows what it is, what I'm rapping 'bout ♪
♪ When you get the gift and take the wrapping out ♪
♪ You look inside and say, "Oh no!" ♪
♪ There's nothing, sike, ♪
♪ It's a massive black hole ♪
♪ Sucking you in, ♪
♪ You lose your arm and your shoulder ♪
♪ Your birthday's over, no years older ♪
♪ You went down there, a mad mistake, ♪
♪ The gravitational force blew out the candles on your cake, ♪
♪ So you got a wish, you wished you returned ♪
♪ Your mother's over here, she's like, ♪
♪ "When will he learn ♪
♪ the presents that you get from his dad are so bad." ♪
♪ "Mum, why are you looking vaguely mad?" ♪
♪ "Well, I'm feeling scared that I still exist." ♪
♪ "Oh, maybe you're an atheist." ♪
♪ "No, I'm not really sure which side to choose ♪
♪ You've got to pick between the devil and the deep blue sea ♪
♪ Is God really real, I'm not even sure how the heck to feel ♪
♪ I read a book by Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens, ♪
♪ But still I don't understand," standing in the kitchen, ♪
♪ Mum starts crying, she's having a crisis ♪
♪ She says, "What's the word?" ♪
♪ I read and try to find this ♪
♪ I moved on, yeah, I crossed it, ♪
♪ No, that's a crossword, wait, agnostic ♪
♪ They come separately in the diction'ry ♪
♪ There's more words between "AG" and the "EC", ♪
♪ But just for the ease of time, ♪
♪ I shortened it down ♪
♪ I was in Cardiff, a lovely town in Wales ♪
♪ It's the capitol as far as you can see ♪
♪ If you visit, stay there, don't go to Swansea ♪
♪ It's horrible, ♪
♪ You go there, they start fires ♪
♪ They flame up like a barbecue and get higher ♪
♪ Barbecue shortened down, well it's not hard to see, ♪
♪ It's my favorite toy by Mattel, Barbie ♪
♪ The Welsh one, the best, you know ♪
♪ You know they based Barbie on a Dutch sex doll ♪
♪ That's true ♪
♪ In the '50s, Mattel's wife came over there, ♪
♪ But trouble and strife, was amazed ♪
♪ And let's say this is Barbie's figure ♪
♪ Admittedly, this stick is much bigger ♪
♪ Than a Barbie would be, ♪
♪ But it bulbs in the breasts ♪
♪ If she was Welsh, she'd have leeks on her chest, ♪
♪ And daffodils, and then a dragon like the flag ♪
♪ Go over there, you weird Welsh Barbie lad, ♪
♪ Last one, yeah I hate to select ♪
♪ This guy bellowing out, "Prison sex," ♪
♪ Why would you say that, the word that you say'ed ♪
♪ Let's clear the prison out ♪
♪ Let's have a raid, be amazed ♪
♪ Everybody there's no hope, ♪
♪ They're in the shower, prison sex ♪
♪ When they drop the soap, and everyone bends down ♪
♪ It's not as fun as it sounds ♪
♪ 'Cause they just get vigorously bummed ♪
(crowd cheering)
Yeah!