one of the things that I figured out over the last [years] is this is a good proposition, so
You know it's pretty self-evident that life is have got its rat's nest of miseries
And that's for sure. Maybe you could even make a categorical statement that life is mostly a rat's nest of misery
You know you could make a pretty powerful argument for that, but then there's a counter question which is well
What if you tried not to make it any more miserable that [had] had to be?
right then what then what would it be like and my suspicions are is that a
Lot of [that] misery I would suspect that most [of] that misery would go away because it's the unnecessary
Misery that really brings you down. You know it's like well someone has cancer. It's like that sucks, but
It's not like
It's not like you can say
If only we had done this differently then that wouldn't have happened
But when someone's out like car turing you in a malevolent way or maybe you're [doing] the same you can always ask yourself was
Really this really necessary is this just like I'm useless [add] [on] to the miseries of life
that's what disheartens people and so even in your own life if if you
If you aren't suffering from self-imposed misery and you're only suffering from inescapable misery
Maybe you could handle that and you know you could you could survive you could bear it [and] even maybe without becoming
Irredeemably corrupt, so the goal would be well yeah life is a rat's nest of miseries
And maybe it has no ultimate meaning we could say that we're feeling particularly pessimistic
But it still leaves one [question] open which is you didn't do everything you could to make it worse
how good could you make it be and the least answer is well it could be tragedy, but maybe not hell and
I think that's right
I really believe that that's that's the most pessimistic
Proper statement the [worst-Case] outcome in the worst of all possible worlds is that your life could be tragic, but not hell
And that's a lot better than hell, right it's it's you think I could give you an example of the difference
You're at your mother's deathbed
Well, that's tragedy here's another scenario
You're at your mother's deathbed and all you you and all your idiot siblings are arguing
Well, that's the difference between tragedy and hell
And you might be able to tolerate the first circumstance in maybe it would even bring you closer together with your family members
The second one no one can bear that you walk away from a situation like that sick of yourself and sick of everything else
Too and you know it's often the case that tragic circumstances bring out the dragons
Because the stress is high and all those things that people haven't dealt with
They don't have the energy to repress and and all the bitterness comes pouring forward it's like
Seriously, man, you know so that's actually a good. It's a rough lesson, but it's a good hallmark for figuring out whether or not you're
You've got yourself adjusted properly and in relationship [to] your siblings
It's like if you are all gathered around the bed of someone close who is dying
Could you manage it?
If the answer [is] no looks like well put your life together
Because it's going to happen and you should be the person who's there that can do it and do it properly?
And then maybe you'd find that it isn't the sort of thing [that] will undermine your faith in life itself
[and] I've seen I've seen both of those situations. You know ugly ugly ugly
situations you know
murderously ugly situations
and then they're opposite where people have had terrible things happening to happen to them as a family and you know they pull together and
They rebuild their damn ship and they sail away so that seems to me to be a lot better
That makes you know when the flood comes, right well okay, so the same thing the question emerges
Well, who are you well? You could say?
your this plan
That's what people usually that's how people [usually] identify. Maybe they have no plan at all, and they're just in Chaos, right
That's like being in the belly of the beast
nihilistic and Chaos they have no plan they're just chaos itself and that's a very dreadful situation for people to be in or
Maybe they conjure together a plan that's their identity. It's kind of fragile, and they're holding on to that with with everything
They've got it's the little stick [of] wood that they're floating in the ocean
Clinging to you know, and so they're identifying really hard with that plan
That's what happens when you're nydia. Log. Is that you're identifying really hard with that plan
The problem is if something comes up to confront it. Well. How do you act well?
You can't let go to the plan because you drowned
You cling to it rigidly? Well? That's no good because then you can't learn anything then if that's you you're a totalitarian
You're not going to learn anything you're going to end up in something that's close enough to hell
So that you won't know the [difference], and you might drag everyone along with you that's happen plenty of times, right?
It's the whole story the 20th century [haven't] over and over and over and it happens in People's States
It happens in their business organizations. It happens in their cities. It happens in their provinces
It happens in their [states]
And it happens in their psyches all at the same time
You can't blame the manifestation of that sort of thing on any of those one levels
It happens when a society goes down that way it goes down everywhere at the same time
It's not the totalitarians at the top and all the happy people striving to be free at the bottom. It's not that at all
it's totalitarianism at every single level of the Hierarchy including the
Psychological and so you don't want to be the thing you don't want to be in Chaos. That's for sure
But you don't want to be the thing that clings so desperately to the raft that [you] can't let go
When someone comes to rescue you right you don't want to be that?
So then you think well exactly what are you you know what the chaos you not the plan?
Maybe you're the thing that confronts the obstacle
and I would say that's the categorical lesson of
of
Psychology Insofar as it has to do with personal transformation
That's what you always teach people in psychotherapy
I don't care what sort of psychotherapists you are you're always teaching them the same thing you're the thing that can you not
you're not the plan you're the thing that can confront the obstacle to the plant and
Then when you know even further that the obstacle is not only an obstacle but opportunity itself
Well, then your whole view of the world can change because you might think well
I got this plan something came up to object to it. It's like
it's
Possible that the thing that's objecting has something to teach you that will take you to the place where you develop an even better plan?
It's a nice framework to use. It's like are you so sure that this is a problem?
Is that the only way [that] you can look at it or is it an opportunity?
I mean, I'm not trying to be you know naively optimistic
There are some things that's pretty hard to extract gold from some dragons and maybe the death of a family [member] is a good example
of that but any even in the situation like that, I can tell you that it's an opportunity for
It's an opportunity for maturation. That's for sure [and]
The thing is you might say well
It's pretty miserable to go to be digging for gold when someone's falling into the grave
Well if they really love you first of all that's what they'll want you to do and second
You're going to make their death a lot more palatable experience
for them if
You're someone who can be in the room and be helpful instead of be you know quivering in the corner and feeling that the entire
[world] is collapsing in on you, and that's another you want to be the useful person at the funeral. How's that for a goal?
That's a good goal, man
You know that [you've] got yourself together in a situation [like] that
Because you're going to be at them and maybe you want to be the person on whose shoulder people cry
That'd be a good goal. That's kind of you know I don't like being naively optimistic
So when I tell you to get your life together, I'm not going to say roses and sunshine
It's like that's that's that's that's [pablum] for fools
But it really is something to be the reliable person at a funeral
Right and you can aim at that you can do that
It's [you've] got to be tough to do that because it also means that you can sustain a major loss
Without collapsing [that] you've got to be [a] monster to do that, right?