(beeping)
- "What does it feel like when a man penetrates you?
"Can you explain it in a way where men can understand?"
Oh boy (laughs).
(calm music)
- "Did your first time hurt?"
(laughs)
I do remember it being a pleasant experience,
but it was painful, and I was sore for like days after.
- No, it didn't hurt at all actually,
he was really careful about it and he made sure
to ask me if it did hurt or not.
- Yeah.
I wasn't used to having anything in my vagina.
Like I didn't even use tampons at the time.
- I didn't have bleeding, anything like that.
It was like very great, we did it, it was done,
we got burritos after.
It was very enjoyable.
I wish there was some sort of education
on like more the emotional side,
because after like my first, it took me so long
to even like kiss anyone again,
just because it felt very odd to me because this was
like something that had been reserved for one person
for a very long time.
And like I was trying to navigate like dating
and relationships and I felt like I couldn't have
a normal relationship because any man coming onto me,
even if that's what the setting was,
even if it's something that I would've wanted to do,
it just felt wrong to me.
- "What does it feel like when a man penetrates you?
"Can you explain it in a way where men can understand?
Oh boy.
(chuckles)
- Oh, that's so weird.
(laughs)
- What is it?
- I'm gonna try my best.
For a man, when you really have the urge
to go to the bathroom, that feeling,
that like relief, except for it's the reverse.
- You don't like feel it in one spot,
it kind of like, you feel it.
- You know when you have to like,
you put like a lid on something,
it's like oddly satisfying when you put a lid
on a jar of pickles, and so that's,
did I really just describe it as that?
- "Do you ever worry your vagina doesn't look normal?"
- Yes.
- I felt like I didn't have a normal vagina.
- Not anymore.
I definitely did at one point, because then,
I would hear like this whole rhetoric
about like roast beef or whatever,
and I was like my vagina kind of does look like roast beef,
and I don't know why that's a problem.
- "If you're on birth control,
"how does it affect your body?"
So it's not something I'm currently on,
but when I was on it, I believed that it cleared my acne,
because that's something I heard for a long time,
but it did the complete opposite,
it made it worse, I for sure had mood swings,
and I feel like that's not who I am at all.
- It might take you several different tries
with birth control to find one that works for your body.
For me, I loved the NuvaRing.
My sister tried the NuvaRing, she gained like 15 pounds
and hated it.
- The main thing is to make sure you're always taking it,
because I have a tendency to forget,
and that's when it really messes you up.
- With the implant, I bled for almost a year straight,
so that wasn't fun at all.
If you have any like questions,
just talk to a doctor about it.
- "Sex on your period, how?"
Ah, in all caps!
- Ah, never have I ever.
- Well, I did have my period for a year straight,
so that's something I had to figure out.
You gotta use a towel and a condom.
Honestly it feels better because your hormones
are so all over the place that it's kinda,
it's not as bad as everyone thinks it is.
- Personally to me, sex on my period just seems
uncomfortable, because I'm already cramping up a lot.
You're already really sensitive by your vagina.
- Things like Diva Cups and different types
of period products per se that can go inside of you
and you can have mess-free, that's how they advertise it,
mess-free period sex.
- "Is it normal to masturbate?"
I know some people who would say no, it's not,
and I disagree wholeheartedly.
I feel like people who are like, "I don't masturbate,
"I don't want, I don't do anything,"
that builds up and I feel like masturbation is a way
to kind of let it out.
- I do it probably every day.
(laughs)
- "Have you ever questioned your sexuality?"
Yes, I went through like a whole questioning phase,
like would I ever really be attracted to another woman,
and I think that's very normal for people to go through,
even just like coming to terms with the fact
that you're straight.
- I had one very strong crush on a girl,
but I think it was more of an infatuation,
with just the way she looked,
I wanted to look like her more so than be with her.
- "Have you ever had an orgasm?"
I have not.
- Yes.
- Nope.
Growing up, especially during puberty,
there was sort of like this feeling of shame
tagged around girls going through puberty and feeling horny.
Like if I felt a little horny, I was like,
"Oh no," like this isn't normal.
If I'm horny, I just sit through it
and I don't do anything about it,
and I wait until it passes, but because of that,
like later my body like just when it's about to orgasm,
my body like shuts down, it's like no,
you're not gonna, that's, and that's just
my mind blocking it, which is something I'm working on.
- "Have you ever faked an orgasm?"
Hmm.
One time, in my early days, 'cause I felt so bad.
(laughs)
But never again.
I felt like ashamed that I was taking too long.
You kinda have this expectation
that you're gonna act like the girls in the pornos.
- "Is it important to find a partner
"that can make you orgasm?"
If they can't make you orgasm at first,
I think you should find a partner who's willing to learn
and adjust to what you want so that you both
can have a better time, and I think if they learn
to adjust to what you like, then they're a partner
worth having around, and that's the partner
you want to have sex with.
- For so long, I was with partners,
I mean for five or six years when I was first having sex,
I was with partners again and again,
that never made me orgasm, but I also didn't know
how to make myself orgasm, so I wasn't masturbating,
I wasn't communicating with my partners,
I didn't know what positions were turn ons for me.
I had to have a conversation with him,
'cause I'm like, I'm lying, I'm lying to me,
I'm lying to him, the whole experience
just could be so much better, and so I remember
he was laying in bed, and we had the conversation
and he was saying, he's like, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry."
So it's not necessarily important for me
to be with a partner that makes me orgasm,
but it is important for me to be with a partner
that prioritizes my pleasure.
- "Do you feel like you mostly just accommodate men
"and what they want during sex?"
I definitely get like nervous in the sense
of like am I performing well, am I doing a good job?
- At first, yes.
As I started to be with more people,
I started to realize, they started to ask,
"Well what do you want me to do,
"what do you like," and I was like,
"what do I like?
"That's, I don't know."
- "What do you consider assault or rape?
"I think I may have been but I don't exactly know."
- Hmm.
- Oof.
I know a lot of people are taught rape or assault
is this big, scary, aggressive thing.
It could be something like with someone
you're really comfortable with or someone
you considered yourself to trust.
Is it okay if I talk about, you know, assault,
'cause my first time was like a coercion kind of situation?
I knew at some point I wanted to do it with that person,
but I just didn't feel like I was ready per se,
and I was pressured into it,
which was something that like,
we're not really taught about like coercion
and stuff like that in school,
and really, the depth of consent.
So I didn't really have the understanding,
like I, just because I did say yes eventually,
and it did end up going that way,
that's not okay.
- So many of us have this question.
I've had very personal conversations
with dear friends who didn't come to terms
with the fact that they had been assaulted or raped
until five or six years later.
If you can afford or if your insurance covers it,
get some professional advice and guidance on it,
because this is a question that really needs
to be talked about more.
- [Interviewer] And then last question,
what is something that you wish you learned in Sex Ed?
- That girls masturbated.
- The range of consent and what is no.
- I wish I was taught more about sex not being
such a shameful thing for women.
(calm music)