-Ryan, you and I both agree that people do a lot of things
that they have to stop doing. -Yeah.
-So, with that in mind, it's time for "You Have To Stop."
-Yeah.
-♪ Doo-boo-do-bo-do, you have to stop ♪
-Hey.
You have to stop making plans with me one month in advance.
I'm gonna say yes because that does sound fun,
but when the day comes, you know I'm gonna cancel
with some made-up excuse like, "I'm not feeling well."
And that's not true. I'm feeling great.
I just don't want to leave my house tonight.
You have to stop.
[ Applause ]
-You have to stop whispering, "That looks good,"
at the movies after every trailer.
"Oh, that looks good."
We know it looks good. That's --
That's the job of the trailer, to make the movie look good.
Even bad movies have good trailers.
I've been in some of them.
It's not impressive when a trailer looks good.
They all look good. Stop.
Stop.
[ Applause ]
-You have to stop checking TikTok real quick
before trying to fall asleep.
Oh, you got in bed before midnight? Congrats.
Oh, you're checking TikTok real quick?
Well, now it's 2:00 a.m., and you're watching
Ring Doorbell videos of mailmen being surprised
with a basket of Clif bars.
So just stop. Please.
-Yeah. You have to stop daylight saving time.
We're not farmers anymore.
The only thing I've ever successfully grown
was this beautifully, perfectly manicured beard.
And guess what. My kids don't know what daylight savings is,
and now they're getting up at 4:00 a.m.,
and I have to tell them it's because of farmers.
So now my kids hate farmers.
I mean, you're creating
generations of kids who hate farmers.
You have to stop!
[ Applause ]
-You have to stop posting screenshots
with your phone battery on 1%.
I'm not looking at what you posted.
I'm looking to see that your phone needs to be charged!
Where are you?! Do you have access to a phone charger?
Do you need to borrow one?
I'm sending help. But you need to stop.
[ Applause ]
-And, you know, you have to stop spending over ten minutes
scrolling for a TV show or movie to watch.
I mean, if -- if you can't figure it out
after that amount of time, you're never going to.
Just put on "The Great British Baking Show"
and call it a night. That's what it's there for.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-You have to stop bringing back the McRib, McDonald's.
It's not that the McRib is bad.
It's that you take it away, and then you bring it back.
What if you did that with other items?
"Sorry. No hamburgers till next April.
This month, it's just fries."
That's no way to run a restaurant.
So just leave the McRib and please focus on something
more important like fixing your ice-cream machines.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-And, you know, you have to stop saying
that you're gonna move to Canada
whenever you're mad at something in the U.S.
As a Canadian, I'm "sorry," but, no, you can't.
I know we're friendly, but Canada's not your safe house.
I mean, we barely let Canadians into Canada anymore.
So please...pick somewhere else.
I hear -- I hear Finland is really lovely this time of year.
You have to stop.
-This has been "You Have To Stop."
My thanks to Ryan Reynolds.