-My next guest is a very funny comedian,
one of my favorite comedians, I think, of all time.
He has a new book called "Overstated:
A Coast to Coast Roast of the 50 States."
Does he think maybe I'm trying to butter him up
and that's why he's going to be in a bad mood?
Because yeah, when I bring him out, but I meant it.
His latest special, "Colin Quinn & Friends:
A Parking Lot Comedy Show," is streaming now on HBO Max.
Here is my buddy Colin Quinn.
Wow. -Whoo. Ah, Jimmy.
-Ah, man, I just said some great things about you, man.
-I know, but you said "one of my favorites, I think."
-Yeah, I did.
-Yeah, but you said "I think" in the middle of that.
I don't know why you had to... -[ Laughs ]
No, I didn't say it.
Did I say "I think"? No, you're one of my favorites.
-Yeah, you said "you're one of my favorites, I think."
-No, no, no, no, no.
-Yeah, you started to question yourself in the middle,
but look, it's still good.
"One of my favorites, I think" is pretty good.
It's not good as "one of my favorites, unequivocally,"
but it's still pretty good. -[ Laughs ]
Alright, you were one of the hardest working comedians
there is, I would say that about you.
And because of what's happening in the world,
you were telling me this is the longest stretch
that you've gone without being in a comedy club.
-That's true. -That must be bizarre for you.
But there's a very specific demographic
that you blame the spread of COVID on.
I hate to bring this up.
-Nerds, because here's why it's nerds.
Before the invention of the computer, nerds,
they had one thing they could actually do in life
that would make them popular, which is medical field.
They would sit, look in the microscope.
That was their only hope to be rock stars,
and they would look at slides.
That was the thing.
And so they would figure out a thing like COVID,
but it took them like three weeks.
And because they're all too busy, like, you know,
involved with movies and music
and apps, we're getting, like, third-rate nerds
to be in the medical field.
-[ Laughing ]
Because they're developing apps now instead of focusing
on what they should be nerding about,
which is science and medicine.
-Yeah, which is saving our lives so we can push them
into lockers for another couple hundred years.
-Even though you can't perform right now,
are you still writing a lot?
-Yes, I'm writing on my ph-- I write on my phone constantly.
I got a few joke ideas. You want to hear any of them?
-I'd love to hear some. -Thank you.
Well, first of all, corona stuff, obviously.
-Okay. -In movies,
all those Liam Neeson movies, like "Taken."
-Uh-huh. -Right?
Now it's going to change, like, "I will look for you,
I will find you,
and I will give you the finger across the room.
It will be awkward."
Sounds like a sketch that got cut at dress,
now that I say it out loud. -Not bad.
[ Laughter ]
'Cause you can't go near people, the six feet.
I understand. -What's that? Exactly.
And sex scenes, when you explain it, it's even worse.
Sex scenes -- there's going to be no more sex.
People are not going to kiss in a movie or the whole audience
is going to go like, "Ugh!"
Imagine two people exchanging sal-- we're all going to think
like, "What is that person's husband and wife going to do
with these perverts out there."
It's going to go back to like the 19-- in the 1940s,
people would just wink at each other in a movie
and that was like sex.
Or they would, like, have bunk beds on a train,
and you were like, "Ooh," and wear pajamas.
They all wore pajamas.
And that was like, "Ooh my God, pajamas, that's a hot movie."
-Bunk beds on a train. Oh, my gosh.
These are great bits.
-They're the beginnings of great bits, thank you.
-I want to talk about the book.
Gosh, it's so funny.
It's Called "overstated:
A Coast to Coast Roast of the 50 States,"
and nice quotes in the back here.
A few quotes.
"New York Times" called you a bar-stool philosopher.
That's a compliment, right?
-It depends on the bar.
You know, sometimes it's, you know, some erudite
Irish intellectual professor with his corduroy jacket,
spouting Joyce or it could be a drunken lout who's like,
"Hey, I'll tell you what I think is going on."
You know what I mean? So I don't know how they meant it.
It sounds like a little bit of a left-handed compliment.
-Yeah, a little. -Maybe I'm a little paranoid.
-I want to talk to you about this special
because you figured out a way to do a socially
distant stand-up show.
You have a new special on HBO Max.
"Colin Quinn & Friends: A Parking Lot Comedy Show."
You shot it at a drive-in theater in Brooklyn.
I didn't even know there was a drive-in theater in Brooklyn.
-Yeah. -How did the idea come together?
How did you do this? You direct it.
-Well, I did a tweet in March and then my manager was like,
"We should do that as a real thing."
I tweeted March 3rd or something,
"Hey, drive-in comedy," trying to be funny on Twitter.
You know how I like to mix it up a little, and then he goes --
he started pitching it around, then HBO Max was like,
"Yeah, we'll do a special."
So then I get my friends and it's basically us doing
a socially distant -- doing stand-up for cars,
which, you know, like 50 cars in a parking lot,
and it was funny.
A lot of people, like the emcee Rich Vos goes,
"Hey, don't worry, folks. We don't have bouncers here.
If you give us trouble, we have tow trucks."
-[ Laughs ]
You know what I liked about it is also
not just the acts on stage but also a lot of the --
just what comedians talk about backstage.
-Yeah. -And hanging out.
-All that banter.
All the fun of the -- you know,
that communal bonding that you miss
because you no longer have that.
Because you're by yourself in a studio.
You don't even have an audience anymore.
You're literally back to being alone.
I've seen them online every night.
It's you as a little boy in Saugerties with a hair brush
in front of your mirror doing jokes
you don't even know if they're getting laughs or not.
[ Laughter ]
-You get right in there, you know.
[ Laughter ]
It is a bit awkward, you know.
Do you remember the most awkward gig you ever had?
-Well, I mean, compared to, like, the car gig was --
that's what I was trying to tell people.
We've all had so many gigs.
You know, in comedy,
we're suddenly, like, oh, doing comedy clubs.
That's how it works, and then suddenly you're next to
somebody's pool in a backyard,
and you're like, "Wait a minute.
I'm supposed to do comedy here, right?"
-That was awful.
-My famous bad gig is De Niro's birthday party,
his 60th birthday party,
and I went in there and ruined his birthday.
Here's how bad it was 'cause even I was like,
"Maybe I'm exaggerating. It wasn't that bad.
He's had such a life filled with so many things.
He probably doesn't even remember it."
And then like 10 years later,
Jim Norton -- we happened to talking to De Niro
outside of some thing, and Jim Norton goes,
"Remember the time he bombed at your birthday party?"
And De Niro and his wife
both got this look in their face of hate.
It was that -- 10 years later.
-Wow! -The guy's traveled the world
eight times since then probably,
and it still brought an ugly energy to both of them.
That's how bad it was. -What was so bad about it?
-I just went up there, and I was planning on --
you know, I had this big plan.
She just told me to go up and do an impression
of De Niro and leave.
But I was like Ralph Kramden.
"No, I'll do more than that."
And she's like, "Alright.
I mean, he knows what he's doing. He's a comedian."
-"We're not asking for more." -I don't know what I'm doing.
Yeah. I was roasting him.
The crowd didn't know -- I told her, "Don't intro me,"
which is another amateur mistake.
Nobody knows who I am. -No introduction.
-I go up and I start trashing him,
making roast jokes, and people are like --
They're in the middle of dinner, Jimmy.
It's not even dark out. It's light out.
So everybody's there.
So Robin Williams -- I leave soaked in shame at the end.
I'm walking outside, but it was slightly raining,
and I had this shirt, like, this new cashmere shirt on a hanger.
I had another show that night,
so I had a shirt, and Robin Williams comes out.
He's, like, commiserating with me,
and I go, "I just don't know."
And I gesture, and my shirt flies off the hanger
into a puddle and a cab runs it over in the rain.
Robin Williams couldn't stop laughing.
I just walked away. I didn't even say another word.
I just left. I saw him like two years later.
-That's the best.
Talk about the worst gig. It just got worse.
Oh, my God. That's perfect. -It was brutal.
-But I love that he's there to laugh. I love that comic.
You need a comedian. -Thank God he was -- Yes.
He understood.
In fact, he said his wife was going, "Help him."
He goes, "No, he doesn't want me to help him."
-Well, I want to show a clip of your special.
This is "Colin Quinn & Friends: A Parking Lot Comedy Show."
Take a look at this clip.
-You've never done a show with all cars, right?
-Not really, no.
-I'm just wondering how it's going to work.
-Oh, yeah, boss, we got to talk to you about the instructions.
So when you come out, a guy is gonna change the microphone.
He might be changing it while you're on stage doing the act.
-What the [bleep]? What are you talking about?
-The guy's gonna be on stage. -As I'm talking?
Safety first, they say, with this COVID.
Thank you for cleaning this off.
Listen, you're a big name.
And after this, believe me, you're going to be able
to do rooftops.
You're going to be able to do [bleep] driveways.
Do you know how many -- Parking garages.
It's not going to end for you.
-We got a big treehouse show coming up.
-Yes.
-Colin Quinn, everybody.
His book "Overstated: A Coast to Coast Roast of the 50 States"
is available now and check out "Colin Quinn & Friends:
A Parking Lot Comedy Show" on HBO Max.
It is so fun to have you and always a delight,
and please, come back whenever, buddy, and stay safe, okay?
-Thanks, Jimmy, you too.