Hi, this is Father Mike at Ascension Presents.
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Hi, my name's Father Mike Schmitz and this is Ascension Presents.
So I was reflecting a little bit about the, I guess what they call now the Ashley Madison scandal.
You probably know about this website was designed for people who want to cheat on their spouses
and when people hacked into it, they got all the names of the people
that thought they were being anonymous when they registered
to be people who could ultimately cheat on their husbands and wives.
The hackers, as you probably already know,
they threatened to release the names of everyone who had registered on the website
unless the people who own the website shut the website down.
They didn't and the hackers then released all the names.
Now there are some estimates that there's 35 million names of people
who are registered on the Ashley Madison website.
Other numbers are like, well those numbers are fudged, they're too big.
It's maybe more like 10 million or 7 million.
Now, regardless of the actual numbers
and regardless of the actual percentage,
there's a couple things that are interesting.
One thing is something that comes right back from Jesus,
what Jesus said in Luke chapter 12.
He said, "Be aware. There's nothing concealed that will not be revealed.
There is nothing hidden that will not be known.
No secret that would not be known.
Whatever you have said in darkness, will be heard in the light.
What you whispered behind closed doors, will be proclaimed from the housetops."
There's something about that, that's kind of scary
but I think a lot of times, we live like it's not true.
We live as if, "No, no, no. I'm not going to get caught.
If I have anonymity, then I'm fine."
And this whole scandal essentially is all about that,
that sense of like, "I can just keep making some of these decisions and I'm going to be fine."
There's something in the human heart that was willing to go on there and register.
And my guess is this.
If it's in those ten to thirty-five million people's human heart,
my guess is that same thing is in your heart and in my heart.
What I mean is this,
not necessarily that you want to cheat on your spouse
or you'd like to be part of that kind of relationship.
In fact, there might be something in you that's like,
"Oh my gosh. That'd be the worst thing in the world,"
but it's really interesting.
Because let's take it down from this whole Ashley Madison stuff to real life.
I'll talk to people all of the time
whether they're simply dating in a long-term relationship
or if they're actually married, who will bring me this issue.
The issue is I'm dating someone or married to someone, I'm committed to them
and I have a crush on someone else.
They've recognized this thing in their heart sets off these alarms
and it's — now, here's a couple things that happen.
One. Option one.
"No, we're just friends. I don't have a crush on this person. We're just friends. It's OK."
So A) that's denial
B) I do have a crush on this person and what does it mean?
What does it mean that I have this crush on this person? I must be with the wrong dating person
or I must be with the wrong spouse right now.
Option three.
I have a crush on this person.
It means I'm in love with them and I am helpless now.
Now, let's address all of those.
First is this. There can be a person who lives in that denial
of saying, "OK, I don't really have a crush on this person. We're just really good friends.
We don't do anything or say anything inappropriate."
I would say, "Let's pay attention to this though."
Do you share more of your heart with this person
than you do with your spouse or your committed long-term relationship?
If that's the case, then you have a crush on them
and you're leaning on them for your romantic feelings
or at least, the very least, there is a severe danger of that blossoming
into something [to a] place you don't want to go.
So let's admit you have a crush
but let's admit the second thing too.
Sometimes people say like, "I'm in love. I'm helpless now. I'm powerless.
I guess I just have to go with it."
Actually, no.
You can admit one, I have a crush.
Two, I only have a crush. That's all it is.
So many people will turn to eros
you know, that the romantic love and say,
"That's given me permission to do whatever I want.
Eros, I can't help it, I'm powerless against it, therefore I have to act on it."
And that's just absolutely false.
The truth of the matter is no matter who you are, if you're in a relationship with other people
in a way that's honest, in a way that's open to some people,
you're going to have a crush on people who are not your spouse
or are not the person you have committed your life to.
That's just going to happen.
That doesn't also give you permission to act on it.
Now, I know that just sounds like such a no-brainer,
but I think it's important to be reminded of that — it's only a crush.
You don't have to freak out.
You can simply calm down and say, "What is wrong with me?"
Well, what's wrong with you is that we all have broken hearts
but the reality is you don't have to act on that.
That's the third thing. But you do have to make a decision.
When you find that thing in your heart, you can admit, "OK, I have a crush, it's only a crush,"
but I have a decision. The decision is this: This or this?
You can either feed the crush and it'll grow
or you can starve the crush and it'll die
but you have to make one decision or another.
but you can't just kind of, "I'm just going to kind of go along with it
and this and that and keep contact with this person and spend time with this person."
That's what THAT is, that's called "feeding it".
Make a decision. Either I feed it or I starve it.
And to realize, "But no, we've been such good friends for so long."
OK, but that friendship now has an added element to it.
You're not free to enter into a romantic relationship with this person,
therefore, your option is very clear: you have to starve it
because you're married life or your marriage relationship
is far more important than your romantic feelings.
I mean think about this.
Eros, having crush on someone, people have used it as permission
to break their most solemn promises that they've ever made.
And you realize that doesn't just simply affect me today or next week or for the next year.
To break those kinds of promises actually affects generations.
Now, regardless of whether everyone knows, you're a famous person
and your name is now on the Ashley Madison list
or nobody knows you but you stepped out on your spouse,
who fed that crush and pursued that,
your kids, your grandkids, their kids and their grandkids
will be affected by that decision one way or another,
that decision to either starve or to feed.
You are not powerless in the face of eros.
You're not powerless in the face of a crush.
You actually can make this decision.
And it's just crazy.
The most radical decisions are not radical decisions; they're just good decisions.
As an example, the last thing here.
I remember I was doing some marriage prep and this fiancés — guy and gal — they were amazing
incredible people, they loved each other very much
but she shared with me that at her work,
she kind of developed a crush on some guy at work
and she's starting to think, "Maybe I should be with him rather than my fiancé,"
all these kind of things and she's like, "Wait a second.
It's just a crush
but I can't keep feeding this."
So she actually ended up quitting her job.
She found a new one, they're doing great.
She ended up quitting her job in order to starve that crush
so she could love fully her husband.
You might be in a situation like that where it's like,
"Well, I don't want to act too drastically."
Listen, when it comes to those huge promises,
when it comes to not just your life but the lives of other people and generations to come,
there is no such thing as too drastic.
The only thing is the question of what are you going to do?
I think you know which one it is you want to do.
So my prayers are for you because it's a tough decision sometimes;
but from all of us here at Ascension Presents, my name is Father Mike.
God bless.